Beginning at a young age there was always a constant battle going on inside my head. I constantly pondered why my birth mother had given me away, signing me up for this ongoing hell that would soon lead to an abundance of issues for my family and I. I was merely a baby when I was given up for adoption. So naive, innocent, and unaware of the faults of reality; yet I admired this world in awe and wonderment. I lost my adopted mother to suicide this April due to addiction and depression. I was left wondering, again, how my mother figure could leave me. It is unfathomable how someone could leave a child full of love and tenderness for something so gruesome and temporary. My dad has stayed and taken care of me and my family; along with the help of my aunt who took on the enormous responsibility of taking the place as my mother figure. Although I eventually found myself surrounded by a caring family, I still could not help but feel this sort of emptiness that refused to cease. With both of my mothers leaving my life in such a short period of time, I recognized that I was unwanted. I began to believe that I was a detriment to my own family; a burden that they could not seem to escape. As I entered my teenage years, I often found myself in a deep state of depression along with immense amounts of anxiety, followed up with the diagnosis of both at 16. When my dad experienced a sudden brain aneurysm, my family and I began facing excruciating financial difficulties. I blamed the issue on myself because there was not much I could do being a 17 year old, along with being my father’s only support system. I got a full time job and graduated high school early to help with my family’s financial situation. Instead of letting my depression fully consume me and my abilities. I plan to attend the University of Colorado due to their excellent programs for social work and because it would improve my education dramatically. I have always wanted to attend this college since I was young, but now that I finally have the chance to, especially after undergoing all the detriments that I have, it would be an injustice to not carry out my goals. By being selected for this scholarship, it would take my vision and turn it into a reality, fulfilling my greatest fantasy. I have a continual determination that refuses to slow down for any obstacle in the way. I have a greater understanding of life than most individuals my age, allowing me to persevere through any challenge and prosper as a student and as a person. Since I was 17 years old, I have maintained financial independence and focused on bettering myself and my life extensively. By changing my outlook on life, I was able to completely turn it around. After experiencing new aspects of the world, I have sought out and discovered my path in life. I plan to become a social worker in order to fix the botched adoption system, and hopefully help children who have been in situations similar to my own; painful experiences can connect people in amazing ways. I realized the worth of my pain throughout the years, and the value of my passions; I stopped fighting this pain and began to embrace it, because I know that I am worthy, and so is everyone in this world.

Triumph Over Fear For me to tell you about my future, and the courage I will have in the face of the unknown, I must first tell you about my past. I was put up for adoption when I was just a baby. My biological mother loved me, but she was unfit to care for me. Luckily, I was adopted and taken into a family that could provide a warm bed and had food on the table. Little did I know, joining this new, unfamiliar family was most likely the first time I felt fear. Even though this new family loved me, I quickly learned that I would need to be self-sufficient and began practically raising myself. Nelson Mandela once said, “I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it”. I have been through my fair share of hardships; however, I view each of them as stepping stones to my future. Each challenge that gets thrown at me; I strive to conquer it and persevere. I fought through the depression and anxiety by devloping passions, especially for One of my main goals in life is to attend college and graduate summa cum laude. Neither my adopted or biological parents attended college and due to this I have had to prepare, mentally and financially, for college completely by myself. It has been the scariest challenge I have faced yet, but I have handled it courageously. Throughout the years I have set many goals for myself to keep on track of going to college, and I have met each one. I feel that I have come to realize that, like Nelson Mandela said, in order to have courage, it is not that you must not have fear, you just have to learn how to conquer it.

Many think the word creativity means making something, I pursue creativity in my everyday life as using the word as an influence to grow. Everyone is born with the potential to be creative, With my creativity I am able to free up my mind to think in new and exciting ways to create art, and digital designs. Creativity throughout my life has been a big role in my hobbies, as well as how I handle situations. For example throughout my life I have needed to be creative to think, and plan out financial plans to afford my families basic daily needs, with creativity it makes it easier. I also apply creativity in my life by my art designs, I have a small shop, which I have make very to little money, but I plan to keep coming up with new and creative ideas to get to where I want in the business. I also plan to go to college to study deeper into journalism, public relations, and digital design. With creativity I truly believe it is possible to make my dreams beyond imaginable true.

I've been through many challenges in my life, but the toughest for me was learning to accept my background, and truly love life. I used to flip through picture albums noticing the palpable difference between my features and my parents wondering if there was any way to mold my face into theirs. Even though I never understood why adoption was my destiny, I’m starting to realize the universe has a twisted definition of destiny. Both of my biological parents were drug addicts, the day I was born I was affected. This caused lots of internal wars as I grew older, especially throughout high school, and within my adopted family. Every obstacle I went through I questioned why I wasn’t good enough… If my own parents did not even care enough about me enough to keep me, what good was I to the rest of the world, or to myself even? When I was 5 I was officially adopted. I don’t remember much about my foster family, but from what I’ve heard that is a good thing. When it comes to children of adoption a faint memory is usually beneficial. Attempting to forget is much easier than attempting to remember. After I was adopted I felt the happiest I'd ever been. I finally had a family, a place where I felt like I belonged. The feeling of worthlessness and sadness started to creep back in when I turned 11 when my parents told me they were getting a divorce. After my parent's divorce was finalized my mom moved to a different state, to live a new life. This sent me into a spiral of every emotion you could imagine. Not only had my birth mom given me up, but now my mother found something better, more exciting than being there for me. I thought maybe one day my mother, the woman who raised me would reach out to me, or try to see me but I have yet to see her since she moved. My mother also began with experimenting with drugs, and to this day she still is. My sophomore year I was diagnosed with Depression, ADHD, and anxiety. Most days were spent crying and feeling numb. For many with depression, it feels like there is no way out. Everything feels hopeless like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. This leads to a feeling of failure and worthlessness. I would look in the mirror and not recognize myself. Although I was moving and interacting with people, I felt too distraught to focus on those things because I was not liking the way I was living, or the way my mind was thinking. I would distance myself from the ones I loved and cared about most, for my own peace of mind. Although I struggled mentally, I always made sure my school work was the top of my priorities because it is, and always has been extremely important to me. I would only go out if I go to school, I was in a state of utterly complete brokenness.  At the beginning of my senior year I purchased a book called The Power Of Now, because I felt desperate to feel better in my own mind, and to start loving life again. This book truly influenced me to learn and apply the now into my life, whatever the present moment is to accept it as you have chosen it. One of the key steps towards a peaceful state of mind is to stop focusing about the past or the future, focus on the now. The book taught me how to see the world in a positive loving way, and how to live my life to the fullest without focusing myself on the other problems that don’t matter. So I finally realized the worth of all the pain I had experienced. Pain is one of the richest currencies in the world. The one thing that connects every person on this planet is pain. So I stopped fighting it and turned it into my superpower. I began to find passion again in things I once loved doing so much such as learning, spending time with my family, and being social with my friends. Over my lifetime I have collected enough pain to be able to connect with the whole world and as twisted as that sounds in a way this made me stronger, and all the suffering worth it. My future educational goals has a lot to do with my background story. I want to complete high school and get my diploma, then I plan to attend The University Of Colorado in the fall of 2022, and get my bachelors degree. After I get my bachelors degree I plan to get my masters. My career goal next is to become a social worker, for people who went through things just like I did. My interest persisted and grew as I began to see how my efforts and my life story had the ability to improve the lives of people around me. I first noticed this on a personal level as friends would come to me for advice or for me to listen to their struggles and provide comfort, even if my self was struggling. No matter how depressed I am feeling, I always can listen to them in a genuine and non-judgmental manner. I truly enjoy hearing people’s stories and providing comfort and advice when needed. These moments helped me realize the power of simply being there for someone, and it increased my interest of pursuing a career where I can support those who need it most. I want to become a social worker so I can provide direction to those who may not be able to get it from other sources, just like I have done for various people throughout my life. Social services have been a part of my life for a very long time, and I want it to continue to be on a professional level.

As a child, I always wondered what it was like to have biological parents. I used to flip through picture albums noticing the palpable difference between my features and my parents wondering if there was any way to mold my face into theirs. Even though I never understood why adoption was my destiny, I’m starting to realize the universe has a twisted definition of destiny. Both of my biological parents were drug addicts, the day I was born I was born addicted to drugs. This caused lots of internal wars as I grew older, especially throughout high school. Every situation I went through I questioned why I wasn’t good enough… If my own parents didn’t even care enough about me enough to keep me, what good was I to the rest of the world? When I was 5 I was officially adopted. I don’t remember much about my foster family but from what I’ve heard that is a good thing. When it comes to children of adoption a faint memory is usually beneficial. Attempting to forget is much easier than attempting to remember. After I was adopted I felt the happiest I'd ever been.I finally had a family, a place where I felt like I belonged. That was until I was 12 and my parents told me they were getting a divorce and that feeling slowly started to creep back in. After my parent's divorce was finalized my mom moved to a different state, to live a new life. This sent me into a spiral of every emotion you could imagine. My sophomore year I was diagnosed with Depression, and anxiety. Most days were spent crying and feeling numb. Until I realized the worth of that pain. Pain is one of the richest currencies in the world. The one sure thing that connects every person on this planet is pain. So I stopped fighting it and turned it into my superpower. Over my lifetime I have collected enough pain to be able to connect with the whole world and as twisted as that sounds in a way this made me stronger, and all the suffering worth it.