If I had a dollar for every time I got too caught on my thoughts, I would have enough to pay for my entire college tuition and fees, but no one is giving that kind of money to a neurodivergent mentally ill senior in high school, especially for something they can’t help but do. Women with ADHD often get undiagnosed, the symptoms being different and less noticeable than what is accepted by societal norms. That was my case, I was one of those misunderstood little girls, shun by her peers and made fun of. My elementary school sent me to a specialist after some months of witnessing my “odd” behavior, and that moment marked me forever as a person, they unknowingly saved me. Thanks to that school I was taken to my first psychologist, Monica. At first I was extremely uneasy about going to a specialist in mental health. I couldn't help but remember the cartoonish versions of "crazy people" that media portrayed, I didn't' want to be seen like that. Soon after, I realized that was a stereotype, thanks to the mentorship and help therapy brought me. Since that moment on, I knew what I wanted to study: psychology. I desired to show others how much therapy can help anyone, how much we have to work with ourselves to be better individuals, our best version. My wish is also to end the negative portrayal of neurodivergent people on media, an image harmful to society and specially little kids. My heart breaks for kids that cry because of their imperfections every day, wishing to be like their "normal" classmates. I hope solemnly that one day our differences are embraced, and loved.

I hated school for the longest time. I would dread waking up every single morning, knowing the path ahead of me. A short silent shower, breakfast and off to the place where I would never fit in my middle school. In Costa Rica, private schools are almost a parallel universe, a spot where only rich, skinny and mean girls would be accepted. I was the disruption to their perfect bubble, the off color on a monotonous palette. Noticing the differences left me feeling sour, longing to be like them. My changing soon started, colorful outfits changed for something more “stylish”, goofy laughs transformed to subtle giggles to impress the boys and look more mature. Without noticing I started looking like them, trying actively to drain myself of what made me different, trying to match. The reflection on the mirror slowly progressed to someone I couldn’t recognize. I was finally fitting in, the mean comments ceased, and I was one of them, finally a matching pawn. One day while getting ready I examined my new reality while staring at myself, and suddenly crude realization hit: I felt emptier than before. All I loved I had replaced for what would make me miserable. The clothes I was wearing were drained of any color, any trace of myself. Thoughts were racing all around me, but something snapped inside me, and I knew in that instance I wasn’t the problem, being a misfit wasn’t my fault. Practically snapping my clothes I went to my closet and changed, not only my outfit but my mind. In that moment I understood that I could be happy or be something I wasn’t, and I needed to put me first. Arriving at school that day wasn’t easy, soon my “popularity” vanished, but my smile never did, and that was all that mattered. Today, I love my new High School, and what I love the most is being a “misfit”. I won’t ever be sour again, as long as my colors never drain for someone else’s convenience. I will never fit, and that is fine, I don’t need to. Loving my self is more than enough to make my colors pop.

All my life I have struggled with my mental health, something that has affected my school life greatly. Dealing with depression as a kid wasn't exactly easy, and I never thought I would get far because of my daily struggles to function. Graduating sixth grade may not be something bold for everyone, but for me it was. It showed me how capable of succeeding I was, and it gave me something I was lacking: hope. This newfound emotion gave me the capacity to improve my grades and search for a better future. My bold moment was gaining my hope again.

I never thought I’d smile again But now I cry tears of joy I learned from the darkest pain And now my mind no one can destroy I don’t say it’s effortless But I think I learned to love How far I’ve come leaves me breathless As I look the sky above This was my sixteenth birthday A day I thought wouldn’t exist But now hopeful I stay And I know I now feel able to persist So for that I’m thankful For the learning on my way For the future I am fateful Because for once, in this world I want to stay

1. Her name is Sol, and she shines just as bright. 2. Joy is as soft as she looks! 3. Mau is a gentleman who loves cuddles 4. Mia could be confused with a roasted marshmallow! 5. Zen is just like her name, a serene kitty. Instagram: crankyzen or thesiles_cats