You always take for granted the small things you have until you don't have it. It was a Thursday, just like any other Thursday until I got a phone call from my aunt. Normally, I don’t receive phone calls during school, but something in my soul told me this was different. I asked my teacher if I could step out to answer it, and when I did, all I could hear was my aunt screaming, telling me that my mom had committed suicide. The immense pain I felt in that moment is something I will never forget. It still haunts me to this day. Growing up in a single-parent household completely changes your perspective on life. My mom and dad were divorced before I was even born, so my entire life i've been in a single-parent household. After losing her, it REALLY became just me and my dad. It hurts growing up and seeing my friends with their families, then looking at my own and seeing how broken it is. Seeing my mom in and out of mental hospitals was something no kid should have to experience. No human being should go through what I went through. Being in a sinlge-parent house hold had forced me to take on alot of responsibilities at a young age. I had to take care of my three younger siblings before I was even old enough to drive. I had to ride my bike just to get groceries for my family because my dad was working double shifts. Situations like that shape your morals, your character, and the way you see the world. As I got older, I began to realize that even though my life isn’t ideal, it’s a blessing that I’m here. You can’t take the moments you have for granted. And in the hardest times, I learned to turn to God. I used to take things for granted, before my mom pasted away but now, I know I have to treasure the moments we have while we have them. It hurts knowing she’ll never see me graduate college or see all the amazing things I accomplish or that I’ll never experience a truly healthy household. But you only get one life. There were times I wanted to give up, when life felt pointless. But then I thought about my brothers, what would they do without me? I think about my mom. How would she feel if I just gave up? I can’t, especially when I’m the first in my family to even go to college. I have to show my family that, no matter how dysfunctional our family has been, we can change it. We can be the first in our generation to break the cycle; the first to fix the pattern of single-parent households, to pursue education, and to stay off the streets. We can prove to the world that young black men and women can. And with that, I’ll leave you with a Bible verse that has always stayed with me in my time of need: "For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised." – Hebrews 10:36

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." - Romans 8:28. Words on paper can’t describe the feeling of loss especially that of a loved one. This bible verse is for you, Taylor and Max, know that your dad is in a better place, and for anyone else reading this going through the same thing, know that you’ll be okay. On October 26th, 2023, I got a phone call, now normally I don’t receive phone calls during school hours so I didn’t think anything of it until I got 2 more phone calls. I walked out of my classroom and answered. It was like nothing I’d heard before, my aunt was screaming telling me my mom had you know… “gone to heaven” but in a more drastic tone. I had no words, and still to this day don’t; I tend not to think about it now otherwise I start to become emotional, but It’s hard. You never really know the feeling of losing someone until it happens to you. To think, you’ll never be able to talk to that person or show them your accomplishments. My mom was my hero, she battled with schizophrenia and had a very troubling upcoming. She never got remarried after my dad divorced her and never had any more kids other than me. I remember growing up her telling me how she was depressed and wanted to kill herself, mind you I was only 14 at the time and it devastated me. Her mental health got too bad for even me to handle so I moved in with my aunt. Eventually, I moved to a dorm at Grand Canyon University. I was told that she was getting better and I would occasionally see her from time to time in and out of the mental hospital. I was completely wrong and it hurt, I wish I could have done something or helped but I can’t now. I can’t even remember the last thing I said to her, that hurts, I really wish I would of done more. What’s done is done, it hurts that she’ll never see me graduate college, see me get married, or see her grandchildren but life keeps going on. I wanted to give up, I thought what’s the point of living if I have no one to show it to? It was like a nightmare but when I wake up nothing changes, I even had dreams of her talking to me and it just hurt so badly. I’ve also battled with my depression but why should I end things? I’m so close to being done, why should throw away everything that I’ve worried so hard for? I’ve just kept pushing, I think, what would my mom say? We had our moments but all she ever wanted was for me to achieve my dreams. She helped support these dreams too, whether it was acting or making videos online, she always helped. I don’t have all the answers, but I can say that surrounding yourself with friends and family is the best thing you can do for yourself it has helped out so much. Also having some kind of faith helps too, it helps knowing that they are in a better place. I also like to listen to music we used to listen to together, it helps bring me peace. Just remember these people may be gone but they are never forgotten and live on through the stories we tell and memories we have. It taught me to value what we have while we have it, most people take things for granted but you can’t. Life is so precious and fragile and to that, I’ll leave you off with a poem I left on my mom’s grave: In the garden of life, a delicate flower blooms, Its petals, kissed by the sun’s gentle beams With grace, it dances in the breeze’s embrace, A symphony of colors, a masterpiece of grace. In the twilight’s embrace, it whispers its farewell, A dance of petals, a bittersweet spell. For though it fades, its essence lingers on, A reminder of the love that forever bonds.