To understand why I am inspired to choose a career in Mental Health Counseling, I feel like you'll have to journey back in time with me. My own life experiences are the reason I am so passionate about my future career. When I was only six years old, I became a victim of childhood sexual abuse. For as long as I can remember, mental health was a struggle of mine because of the trauma I endured. When little kids are supposed to be playing with toys, caring for their dolls, and going down slides with their friends, I was also doing those things, along with having severe anxiety attacks starting in first grade. Although my abuse occurred when I was six, I didn't realize I had been abused until I was 11, sitting in my 6th grade classroom. I remember people coming into our school to talk about how to protect yourself from child predators. I remember connecting the dots and realizing, "Oh my god. That happened to me." I remember getting up and running to the bathroom, feeling like I was going to throw up from having a panic attack. My years of struggling with anxiety attacks which included sweating, nausea, vomiting, crying, shaking, hyperventilating, nightmares, insomnia, etc. all suddenly began to add up. Something horrible had happened, and my brain and body had been reacting to it long before I was consciously aware. It wasn't just "all in my head." Even after I had opened up about what had happened to me, I wasn't able to receive mental health counseling until I was 18 years old because of mental health stigmas in my family. At 18, I was diagnosed with Complex PTSD. I am only 22 now, so for the majority of my life, I spent my time not wanting to live. I felt like no one understood me, that I was utterly alone and that no matter what I tried to do to feel better, nothing was ever going to work. I felt like an alien in my every day life- like I was the only person in the world going through what I was going through. I couldn't talk to anyone that would truly get it. Since I wasn't able to go to therapy for the majority of my life, I took matters into my own hands for many years. At 11 years old, 12 years old, 13 years old... I was learning. I was CONSTANTLY learning. I would read articles, watch videos and read books about my mental struggles. I tried to understand not just what I was feeling, but why I was feeling it. I read other people's stories and related to them. If I couldn't relate to them, I'd learn something new from them. I made it my mission to understand what was going on in my brain because if I could understand why I was feeling the way I was feeling, maybe I could get better. I got myself out of depression episodes and anxiety attacks on my own for years, but finally having a therapist to talk to and work with made all the difference. I saw how much progress I could make with no help, but with help, I grew in leaps and bounds. The most freeing thing therapy taught me was that didn't have to everything all by myself. I believe knowledge is power, and that's what my therapist did- she turned the knowledge I gained into power. I don't say this lightly: Getting help truly saved my life. I went from having nightmares three or four times nightly for years, to being able to get a full night's sleep. I went from being terrified of getting close to anyone, to growing relationships that are supportive of my mental health. I went from self-harming and disordered eating, to journaling, painting and healthy exercise. I went from being terrified of all men, relationships and intimacy, to now being in a loving relationship with a man I feel safe with. Mental health counseling is the reason I am still here today, happier and healthier than I ever thought I could be. Mental health struggles take away the little things in life. You don't have the energy to enjoy a nice sunset or to go out with friends. Your whole mind is caged within itself, and it's like everything around you is moving in slow motion. Since I have begun therapy, I am learning things about myself that I never got to learn growing up because I was too busy just trying to simply function and get through each day. I've noticed that I love going on bike rides, that board games are one of the most fun activities in the world and that I love flowers- all kinds of flowers. I am able to be fully present now. I am able to actually LIVE life, rather than just exist. These things may seem small but when after undergoing trauma, the little things are no longer all that little. Moving on from the little things, therapy has empowered me to do the big things for myself, too. I have the courage to speak up for myself now. I have the courage to set boundaries. I have the courage to say "no." I was able to graduate Summa Cum Laude with my Bachelor's degree from Arizona State University, when before therapy, I used to struggle heavily with school. I've been able to be a manager at a company that I loved, and I've proudly lead groups of people with confidence. I have grown a TikTok platform with 12,000 followers (@maddiementalhealth), where I make discussing mental health a safe conversation and encourage others who struggle like I struggled. I have even had the courage to apply to graduate school to get my M.S. in Clinical Mental Health Counseling with an emphasis in Trauma from Grand Canyon University. Therapy not only saved my life, it completely changed it. My diagnosis used to be something I was ashamed of. Now, overcoming the obstacles that come with it is the accomplishment I am most proud of. The funny thing is that once therapy began working, I didn't just love what it could do for me, I loved what it could do for ANYONE. Mental health is often brushed off in our society as less important than physical health. In my opinion, I wonder: What good is a healthy body if your mind isn't even in the right state to enjoy it? If the brain is an organ, we should treat it with as much care as we'd treat any other organ. Health should be all encompassing. Mental health needs to be valued more, and there needs to be more people going into the field who understand the importance of breaking societal stigmas. The statistics above break my heart. I know firsthand how debilitating having mental health struggles can be on someone's life. Before I received help, I was a shell of the person I am now. My mental health struggles undoubtedly stunted my growth and held me back. I want to be a counselor because I WAS that person that thought no one would understand me. I was the kid who self-harmed, who had disordered eating, who was suicidal. I was the child who had no one to talk to and who lost every ounce of hope. However, I am now the strong, confident, passionate adult who is happy, healing and doing everything I can to use my voice and my experience to help others. I want to help my patients to realize that there is a way out, even if they may not feel like there is. I want to be the person that I needed when I was younger. Having a judgment-free, compassionate, safe place to talk without having to filter yourself is so important for those struggling with mental illness, and I want to be that safe person for my future patients. Because of the mental health stigmas that still reside in my family, I am not receiving any help funding-wise for graduate school. I am currently trying to find a way to buy a car for myself so I can get to and from school and work, to pay for my tuition and to find an apartment in a safe area with affordable rent. Being considered for this scholarship would mean the world to me. I want this career more than I have ever wanted anything in my entire life. I know this is where I am meant to be and what I am meant to be doing. Whatever it takes to get to my end goal of having my dream job, I am willing to do. Yes, I was once a victim, but I am a survivor now. I want to help others redefine themselves as a survivor, no matter what they have gone through. No one should be defined by their mental illness. There is so much more to who we are than what we struggle with, and I could not be more excited to go into a such a necessary and fulfilling field. If I can change someone's world, even just ONE person's world, in the way my therapist changed mine, I will have considered my life a resounding success.