I am a non-conventional first-generation college student with a disability known as Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I am 27 years old and I have come to begin my first year of college through a lifetime of challenging setbacks. C-PTSD is extremely similar to traumatic brain injuries in that over time, exposure to trauma causes the fibers in your brain to break down which as you can imagine significantly impairs the mind of the individual. To explain how this scholarship will help me it is important to understand what my day-to-day looks like. Each night I experience sleep paralysis and traumatic nightmares related to my abusive childhood that doesn’t allow me to get restful sleep. I wake up each hour as well due to OAB. Restful sleep is proven to be extremely important for brain function. Day to day I am faced with symptoms such as fatigue, hypervigilance, disassociation and extreme fear. These symptoms manifest in my body physically with general illness and infections, fibromyalgia, autoimmune difficulties, panic attacks, memory loss, overactive bladder and pelvic floor dysfunction. It is a lot harder for me to manage my time throughout the day than the average able-bodied person. Due to this significant illness that I have, it has taken me years of therapy and working any minimum-wage job I could qualify for from the age of 14 to the age of 24 just to survive and get by. I had to put off my dreams of going to college due to the financial crises I have coped with my entire life. I do not have my parents in my life who were a catalyst in my abusive childhood, I am mostly estranged from my extended family and I am an only child. I have had to fend for myself from an early age with these difficulties I’ve outlined which has put furthering my education in the background for many years. I have come to a place where after years of therapy, I am so passionate about helping others like me. I aim to become as knowledgeable as I can on the ins and outs of mental healthcare in our country and on a global scale. My firsthand experience as a trauma patient is rare in the psychiatric nursing field but adds layers of understanding and empathy that are truly special in the field. Being disabled means I cannot provide for myself financially and I rely on assistance. Any financial help I can obtain to help me with the costs that accompany a college education will only aid in my ability to focus on my studies. This will allow me to accomplish so much more without the emotional strain of figuring out how I will afford necessities. My motivation for seeking higher education is to give myself a better future and improve my day-to-day life. I believe that even if I have a disability it does not make me any less of a person and should not bar me from being able to do great things. I believe I am an ideal candidate for this scholarship because of my drive to succeed against all odds. No matter the experiences I've lived and the tragic things I've seen, I do not give up hope.

I am a non-conventional first generation college student with a disability known as Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I am 27 years old and I have come to begin my first year of college through a lifetime of challenging setbacks. C-PTSD is extremely similar to traumatic brain injuries in that overtime, exposure to trauma causes the fibers in your brain to actually break down which as you can imagine significantly impairs the mind of the individual. In order to explain how this scholarship will help me it is important to understand what my day to day looks like. Each night I experience sleep paralysis and traumatic nightmares related to my abusive childhood that don’t allow me to get restful sleep. I wake up each hour as well due to OAB. Restful sleep is proven to be extremely important for brain function. Day to day I am faced with symptoms such as fatigue, hypervigilance, disassociation and extreme fear. These symptoms manifest in my body physically with general illness and infections, fibromyalgia, autoimmune difficulties, panic attacks, memory loss, overactive bladder and pelvic floor dysfunction. It is a lot harder for me to manage my time throughout the day than the average able-bodied person. Due to this significant illness that I have, it has taken me years of therapy and working any minimum wage job I could qualify for from the age of 14 to the age of 24 just to survive and get by. I had to put off my dreams of going to college due to the financial crises I have coped with my entire life. I do not have my parents in my life who were a catalyst in my abusive childhood, I am mostly estranged from my extended family and I am an only child. I have had to fend for myself from an early age with these difficulties I’ve outlined which has put furthering my education in the background for many years. I have come to a place where after years of therapy, I am so passionate about helping others like me. I aim to become as knowledgeable as I can on the ins and outs of mental healthcare in our country and on a global scale. My first hand experience as a trauma patient is rare in the psychiatric nursing field but adds layers of understanding and empathy that is truly special in the field. Being disabled means I cannot provide for myself financially and I rely on assistance. Any financial help I can obtain to help me with the costs that accompany a college education will only aid in my ability to focus on my studies. This will allow me to accomplish so much more without the emotional strain of figuring out how I will afford necessities. The photo I have attached is one of my linocut artworks. Visual arts is a tool I use in the face of adversity to calm my nervous system and stay connected with the world. The ladybug is a symbol of rebirth I keep with me. I have included this because another goal I intend to reach with earning my degree is “rebirth” of my mind and perspective through study which can improve cognitive function, memory and cognitive reserve. All of which could greatly reduce the severity of my symptoms.

I am approaching my 28th year on this earth and see that my path is non-traditional. Growing up an only child in an abusive home, I developed Complex PTSD. I suffered from extensive physical, mental and emotional abuse. As I’m getting ready to enter my first year of college all these years later, I remember a conversation I witnessed at my aunt’s wedding when I was 5 years old. This was the same year my mother inflicted a traumatic brain injury upon me. The same year I experienced sexual abuse at the fault of a family member. And the same year I experienced my first death. One of my childhood best friends was fatally shot in a hunting accident by his father. Age 5 is a formative year where most children are entering kindergarten and beginning life outside of the family home. My 5th year was certainly formative but in many ways permanently negatively altering my brain and carving out a challenging path. The talk I witnessed was between my parents and my grandfather. It was about college. My grandfather was stressing the importance of taking initiative in my future and how my parents need to do what they can to support me in a good education. My parents were unfortunately disagreeing with the value of a good education and how it can improve my future. I did not understand it at the time but I have always looked up to my grandfather who is the hardest worker I have ever met. And yet, he is one of the most thoughtful and kind. My grandfather has worked the labor intensive job of roofing since he was 12 years old under his father, to the present day. But when he was 15, he discovered his father dying of a brain aneurysm and rushed him to the hospital. Sadly, help was too late and he witnessed his own father die in his arms. Due to this, he had to drop out of high school to raise his 5 siblings by himself and take on the family business. I’ve never seen him complain about this trauma and having to put his own dreams aside. Something so many of us take for granted. I relate to him on a different level as we both have C-PTSD. He has spent his life doing all he could with what he had. When I graduated high school I entered the workforce. I could not afford college and a lifetime of trauma to cope with. I’ve worked from the time I was 14, but now at 18 I needed to work full time to support myself. Years ago my C-PTSD became my disability. Robbing me of opportunities and the ability to function. But I’ve never lost out on hope. Through years of therapy trying to learn to live with my reality, my lens has shifted to how I can do better with cards I’ve been dealt. My mental illness though burdensome is in some ways a gift I am able to share with others. I’m passionate about mental healthcare and making empathetic, effective care available to everyone. I’ve decided that no matter how “late” many would consider this milestone, that I am going to earn my degree and be a 1st gen college student. I want a future where I have my own family that I thought I’d never be able to have and break generational trauma. I want to hold space for those who struggle and be the hope that no matter how bad life gets, you can still stand up and move forward.