Lupus, an autoimmune disease affecting 1.5 million Americans, primarily women, involves the body's immune system attacking itself. I was adopted at age three. My family was about as white as it gets but they never once saw me as anything but their daughter. Having been adopted out of a situation of neglect, with an alcoholic mother, my first few years were not easy ones. I worked hard and eventually thrived in my new environment. However, as I got older, I became increasingly interested in my biological parents. I knew who my mother was, but my father remained a mystery. At the same time, I became a passionate reader of the Percy Jackson series. In that story, several characters never have contact with one of their parents. These children are known as demigods, half mortal and half Greek god. My eleven-year-old self was convinced that because I didn’t know my biological father, I was a demigod. Supportive but concerned, my parents reluctantly sat me down and told me the truth. My father was a married alcoholic whose nickname was Taco. When I was thirteen, my adopted dad gave me an amazing stocking stuffer: a 23andMe testing kit. After spitting in a tube and sending it off to a lab, I discovered my racial makeup. I am 32% Native American, 13% Spanish and Portuguese, and 55% European. I have always known about my genetic background, but this was the first time I came face to face with my internal world. For instance, when I see my Native culture being appropriated by sports teams with names like The Indians, Redskins, or Chiefs, should I be disgusted by my white self? When I enjoy elements of white privilege, am I selling out my Native self? If I apply for scholarships as a Native American, does someone with a higher percentage deserve it more than me? In this age of cancel culture, do I end up cancelling myself? When diagnosed with lupus, it can be devastating because there is no known cure. You simply have to manage it with treatment. Treatment can help improve symptoms, reduce flares, and prevent other health problems often created by lupus but it will never fully go away. Over half of who I am is from a culture that destroyed the lives of the remaining half of my heritage. The very basis of my ethnicity is in conflict. Much like lupus, there is no cure for this constant battle. So, I manage. My reality is that I have been raised primarily white and have benefited from the privileges of that. Recently, upon learning of the premature death of our friend, Nakota LaRance, who has always been my link to my Hopi heritage, I realized just how much I didn’t know. Despite my privilege, I realized I was culturally poor because I only know 55% of myself. I found that through gaining knowledge, I could discover my whole self with all of its beautiful diversity. Being multiracial can be confusing. Yet, I am always reminded of the most important percentage every time I look at my 23andMe results. When I open that page, the first statistic shown is 100% Leah Stevenson. I’ve come to realize that humanity has a version of cultural Lupus and it's in constant battle with itself. There is no excuse for people who use their privilege as a weapon and their ignorance as a shield. If we “fight” back against hate with knowledge first, rather than trying to fight fire with fire, we can begin to shape the world instead of tearing it apart.

Through struggles and setbacks Leah Stevenson At age two, child services arrived at my biological mother’s house to find me eating sour cream straight from the carton, from an otherwise empty refrigerator. My “mother” was passed out on the floor, drunk, leaving me to fend for myself. For the first three years of my life, my safety, health, and well-being were my responsibility. I learned to take care of myself, learned to only trust myself, and I never learned how to properly express my feelings. I developed anger and trust issues. The term “family” was an elusive fairytale to me. That was until I was adopted in 2006 by the people I consider my true family. They taught me the importance of kindness, empathy, and respect. Unfortunately, this road was not easy nor obstacle free. I was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder at the age of 12. School was a nightmare and I had to fight for every grade I got. At my previous school I was often found in the principal’s office for misconduct I had purposely caused to get out of class. My ADHD made me feel stupid, transforming classes into a constant headache. At the age of 4, my mom watched me lunge to steal an item in a store only to physically restrain my own hand. From a young age I rejected the idea of therapy. Luckily, I grew out of that phase and I created a deep connection with my therapist. Through hours of hard work, my parents and I worked with my therapist to “rewire” my behaviors and thinking. Every struggle I faced required two times the amount of effort to overcome it, yet without these obstacles, I wouldn’t be who I am today. Every one of these incidents taught me that I was stronger than anything life could throw at me. For as long as I could remember, my mother abandoning me had been the hardest and most impactful experience of my life. As I moved to high school, my trauma created a need in me to be loved and accepted by my parents and peers. I began basing all my self worth on short-term achievements and my friend group. I dealt with toxic friendships and heartbreak over lost roles or marks. While this need is still a driving force in my decisions today, I have learned what value internal peace and “achievements” can have on my emotional well being. Trophies and certificates are nice, but at the end of the day, I learned that the personal progress I make without telling anyone is the most important validation I can achieve. Through every one of my struggles I have learned more than any book can ever teach. For instance, the family you're born into will shrink or grow. Being adopted, I had to create new relationships and redefine what family means to me. Now I have loving parents and siblings, but I also have incredible friends who have loved me even on my worst days. Additionally, through hard work and determination you can grow and overcome anything. I wanted to quit so many times, but with the help of my parents, my inner resilience has grown stronger than ever so that when I fell I would get back and keep pushing. Let's face it, struggle isn’t fun, but what I find curious is how we will do anything to avoid it when it’s actually the thing that teaches us the most.