Finally. Here I was, standing at the entrance of the Broadway show I’d been begging to see for months. Whenever the commercial advertising Wicked was on my television showing off Elphaba’s riff during “Defying Gravity”, I would look at my mom with puppy-dog eyes and ask her to go. Something about Elphaba’s long cloak and confident stage presence enticed me. Now I was there with my family, wearing a glittery emerald green tutu and a headband with a little witch hat to match Elphaba’s. It was my seventh birthday and I was ecstatic, twirling in my skirt as my mother took pictures of me by the iconic poster. Even though this was nearly ten years ago, I still hold very vivid, fond memories of this day and Wicked has been my favorite Broadway show since then. I remember watching the show, fully immersed in the story of Glinda and Elphaba. I remember laughing when Elphaba and Fiyero first met, him almost running her over because, in his words, she looked like a green light. However, the “Popular” scene stood out to me most at the time, and for weeks following seeing the show, I went on YouTube and watched what felt like a hundred different performances done by different actresses, noting my favorite acting choices. I fantasized about playing Glinda and being able to perform my version of “Popular”, incorporating my favorite choices. One thing I remember not understanding about the musical was why most of my family was tearing up toward the end of it. Being so young, I couldn’t grasp how emotional the circumstances were surrounding Elphaba and Glinda, which is why when I heard Wicked was being adapted into a movie, I was nervous, yet excited to get the chance to see it again being older now. Seeing the movie was a rollercoaster of feelings. As an opinionated Black teenage girl who came into her own identity since the last time she saw the musical, I resonated with Elphaba more than ever. Watching her willingness to stand by underprivileged minorities despite being one herself and putting her reputation on the line genuinely felt like I was peering into a mirror. The scene that stood out to me this time around was the Ozdust Ballroom scene. When Elphaba showed up to the party, masking her nerves and insecurity by dancing alone in the middle of the room. The scene in the movie was much longer than it was in the musical, which made it so much more emotional for me to watch. I interpreted the dance she performed as a metaphor for who she is as a person; someone who puts up walls to make it through life confidently despite being judged constantly. I swallowed back a sob as Glinda joined her in solidarity, a silent tear traveled down my cheek just as Elphaba’s did. We both felt seen. A few weeks after watching the movie, I entered my musical theater class, ready to work on a song from a different musical for our Spring Sing performance. However, as fate would have it, no one could find the sheet music, so I was forced to choose a different song to work on. I scrolled through numerous soundtracks desperately, looking for anything to stand out. That was until I decided to go through the Wicked soundtrack. The title “Popular” seemed to stare at me and as soon as I saw it, I knew that it was meant to be. Now I am working on my performance for “Popular”, having the opportunity to live out a childhood fantasy of mine.

For as long as I could hold up a book, I’ve had a passion for reading and writing. The thrill of being engulfed in an entirely new world with characters who had their own emotions and desires was so alluring to me. From subway cars to hiding under my blankets with a flashlight, I was always spotted with a book in my hand. Fast forward to today, I am now a sixteen-year-old junior with the same passion and a new longing to contribute to the world of publishing. Growing up, I never read about people who looked like me. There was never a Black or Latina main character with a dorky personality and drive like I had. I realized when I was thirteen years old that I wanted to be a book editor for a successful publishing house and it was only when I started researching, that everything started to make sense. The publishing industry isn’t as diverse as the average person would expect and it is reflected in the numbers; 72.5% of U.S. publishing are white as stated in the Publishing Perspective article “Diversity in US Publishing: The New Lee & Low Report” by Porter Anderson. As I did more and more research, I realized how underrepresented people of color as well as women and people a part of the LGBTQIA+ community are, not only in books but in real life and I wish to change that. My long-time goal then became to open my own publishing house to give voices to underrepresented communities, whether that be the author of the book, editor, publisher, or marketer. It is so important for little girls and boys to feel represented by the books that they read and have someone like them to look up to. This leads me to my overall plan; my goal for college is to major in journalism and minor in communications, building my knowledge to first become a book editor. During those four years, I hope to be an intern for a publishing house such as Penguin Random House or Simon & Schuster to get my foot in the door. After college, I’ll get a job in book editing and build my portfolio before becoming a freelance book editor and working to open my own publishing house. Receiving this scholarship would benefit me greatly, especially as a low-income student because it would help me on my first step on this journey ahead.

As the end of 2019 crept up on me, my sixth-grade talent show was fast approaching and I hadn’t yet found a song I wanted to perform. I dedicated hours of my time searching on YouTube and Apple Music for the perfect song in my range, though nothing caught my eye. That was until one afternoon I came across a Karaoke version of “idontwannabeyouanymore” by Billie Eilish in a lower key. Before I had heard Billie’s voice on it, everything about this song had enticed me and I knew immediately that it was the song I wanted to perform, from the melody of the instrumental to the heart-twisting lyrics. I listened to the original on repeat, practicing in school bathrooms, my bedroom, and every time I took a shower. Eventually, the talent show happened and everyone loved my performance, especially the cool seventh-grade girls who loved Billie Eilish and had a wardrobe inspired by her style. I look back at this time so fondly, not because of the performance, but because it was able to further introduce me to one of my favorite artists now. As I get older, I can understand and feel the lyrics of “idontwannabeyouanymore” more than I ever could, and that sense of clarity is bittersweet for me to look back on. My second favorite Billie Eilish song would have to be “No Time To Die” which I discovered a few months after my 6th-grade talent show, right as quarantine started in New York due to the Covid-19 virus. With so much time on my hands, I developed a passion for writing, with music being the main inspiration for my works. I would put on my headphones, adjust my volume to the highest setting, and pace around my room for hours on end imagining scenarios to my favorite songs. “No Time To Die” was created for a James Bond movie of the same name, so it incorporated the cinematic elements that a movie like it would need, making it the perfect song for me to use as writing inspiration. As with any other Billie Eilish song, I listened to it on repeat as I typed up a story on my keyboard about a spy princess and a thief with a history, forced to fight the other. As with many others, that time in my life was a very difficult one as I struggled with depression and very low self-esteem. Writing, as well as music, was both an outlet and an escape from everything and I am so grateful for Billie Eilish’s music to help get me through it. My writing skills have since gotten better and I continue to write original stories with the help of Billie Eilish’s album “HIT ME HARD AND SOFT” as inspiration, which leads me to my final favorite Billie Eilish song: “BIRDS OF A FEATHER”. It was difficult to choose only one song from this album as my favorite because every song has a unique beauty to it, and if I could, I would’ve just said “HIT ME HARD AND SOFT” is my favorite as a whole. This song represents so much in my life as I go through the motions of being 16 years old. It represents the amazing people I have met and keep dear to my heart, but it also represents myself. After years of struggling with mental health, I am finally starting to love myself and see myself the way that other people see me and it’s truly an amazing feeling. I can finally truly say “I don’t think I could love you more” to myself again.