I struggled with my mental health since I was a child, but for the most part, my physical health didn't suffer. I played softball for 13 years and was always active, and it helped me mentally a lot to have something to do. Once I was no longer able to play softball due to a spine injury, I had to find other ways to take care of myself, and the sudden change resulted in my mental health suffering because I would have days where I was unable to walk and there was nothing I could do and just had to wait for it to come back. My life after high school seemed like it got worse after a traumatic event, and everything from that point forward suffered immensely. I gained about 50 pounds, I was on anxiety medication and antidepressants, I was not active, and I did not care about my health at all. I thankfully have gotten a wonderful support system around me and that has helped me in many ways. My family and my fiance have helped encourage me to love myself as well as encouraged me in all the things I do. I started to take better care of myself, with help from those around me, and have begun to nurture myself. I started dieting and eating better and ensuring that I eat things that are good for me, not just things that taste good. I have also begun walking at least 4 miles every day, in an effort to get my physical health back up, since I still have lingering spine issues, as well as other musculoskeletal issues that cannot be ignored. With the changes I've made to my physical and nutritional health, I have noticed a difference in my mental health as well. I am off both my antidepressants and my anxiety medication, with my anxiety medication being only as needed, instead of daily as it used to be. I have been able to use healthy ways to communicate and express things that I struggle with mentally, and walking daily gives me an opportunity to help with my mental health as well, by providing a time to clear my head and just talk about anything that has been on my mind. I work full time, and I'm a full time student, so I have to make time to take care of myself, and that is honestly the hardest part about maintaining my overall health, but it is doable, and I do it everyday.

I have had a life that I did not consider hard, but I know people that have heard my story have considered it more than they would be able to handle, and as a result, I had addictions to cope with. I did not have typical addictions, such as drugs or alcohol, but I had harmful addictions. My addictions were self-harm and vomiting, both of which caused me and those around me a great deal of pain. In my experiences, I had the desire to use, for lack of a better term, I would get what felt like an itch that couldn't be scratched no matter what I did until I finally gave in to the temptation. I had gotten so bad at one point, that my mom had gone through my room to ensure that I didn't have anything sharp that was available for me to use when I was having trouble. My addictions were not things that could lead to an overdose or alcohol poisoning, but similar to addictions to pain medicine, my addiction to vomiting started as a result of a medical issue. I had an issue where I was unable to keep anything down, including water, for a while, and because I had gotten so used to vomiting two or three times a day, once the diagnoses had been found and I'd started treatment for it, I still had the desire to vomit. The desire got so bad, that I eventually learned how to essentially vomit on command. For self-harm, the same itch was there, with the same relief, but with more scars. I finally was able to get into therapy and started accepting the fact that I had a problem, and with the support system I had, I was able to start taking my addictions more seriously and learn ways to handle myself that did not result in me causing myself some kind of harm. I have continued to struggle with the desire, and have an app that I use to track my sobriety from both. I have been sober from self-harm for 663 days and sober from vomiting for 44 days as of the day of writing this essay. With the clear difference in days, it is obvious I relapsed on one, but I have gotten myself back on track and I can honestly say I'm doing so much better. I am in college online full time, working full time, and I have a 4.0 GPA, with graduation finally within reach. I was blessed with a creative outlet when battling my addictions, and once I graduate, I want to bless others with the same. Not everyone can afford therapy, but creativity is free, and I intend to give those that need it access to a creative outlet and a story so the know they are not alone. Regardless of the addiction, it can be overcome, and it doesn't have to be done alone.

I was born with a genetic mutation with my MTHFR genes that resulted in many issues for me growing up, including many issues with my immune system. I was diagnosed with autoimmune disorders, I had trouble with every body system, and when I was around 18 months old, my parents were told by my doctors to take me home and spend time with me because I would not live to see my second birthday. I lived well passed that date, and will be 25 in February of 2023, but not without challenges. I spent most of my life in and out of hospitals and doctors' offices for one reason or another. I was blessed with a cardiologist that took an interest in me while I was at Texas Children's Hospital, and she led me to get the care I needed when I was having trouble with a completely different body system. Her compassion in her field towards myself and my family shaped an interest in science at an early age. I was interested originally in pursuing a degree in medicine to become a forensic pathologist, so I started applying to colleges to learn forensic biology in my senior year and got accepted into my top choice university, Embry-Riddle in Prescott, Arizona. Unfortunately, due to temporal lobe epilepsy, my neurologist recommended I stay in my hometown where I had family that could take care of me because of the seizures I was having, and I had to pass on the school I'd dreamed of going to and gotten a nearly full-ride scholarship into. I changed my major while I was at a community college and due to an assault, eventually dropped out of college altogether to process, grieve, and receive therapy. During that time, I'd decided I wanted to pursue a different science degree, in animal science, and began college again, while in an abusive relationship with someone that on more than one occasion would harm me, in multiple ways, and went as far as having him and his friends point loaded weapons at me and unloading weapons when I was unaware and pulling the triggers while pointed at me. Despite everything that relationship put me through, I continued to pursue a degree in pre-veterinary medicine, and thankfully, the relationship ended while I was in school, marking the end of a terrifying chapter in my life, that caused my grades to suffer immensely. Unfortunately, as I finished my sophomore year, funds became tight, and the covid pandemic started so I had to take time off and work full time to try to save money up so that I could continue to work through college. After the pandemic, I got engaged and moved away from my family in Texas and to Maryland, where I decided I wanted to pursue computer science as a way to get into an evolving science and art field of digital design. I live as the head of my household, as a full-time student with a full-time job, paying my way through college. With a degree in computer science, I intend to help others be allowed to experience digital creativity. Without a creative outlet, my upbringing would've been very different and I want to ensure that other people that struggle can pursue STEM fields, and still have a creative outlet, especially a digital outlet, that they can use as a way to vent.

I knew growing up I suffered from depression, but it wasn’t until the summer before my sophomore year that I got a call to inform me that my friend, Triston, had committed suicide that I realized the impact that my own depression could have on others. I started my senior year without one of my dear friends, who had invited me to his wedding just a few weeks before he died. I spoke to him a few days before to check on him. The day he passed, I had a gut feeling I should call him and I did not, and for several years I blamed myself for it. My friend Triston was incredibly talented, and one of the friendliest people I’d encountered to that point. He was truly a light on the people around him. After he died, the world truly stood still for a moment and things got harder. I dedicated my senior year to him, and finished in the top 20% of my class, graduated in 2016 Magna Cum Laude, with a 3.8 GPA. It was truly an incredible feeling, but after senior year, I had come to realize I never really grieved the way I should have and instead just pressed on. I fell into my own depression, and there was one day, just under 4 years later, that I thought that I couldn’t handle it anymore. I survived, thankfully, but from that day forward, I tried to make sure that I would remember the effect my attempt had on my family, and Triston’s death had on everyone around him. I kept fighting, for a while, to make him proud. I’m finishing college now with an art degree to make sure that since he didn’t get to, someone that loved and cared about him can and can do everything possible to make sure that no one else in her life ever feels the same way. I fight to finish my degree and finish my school and to get the health insurance benefits that will pay for therapy for myself and for my future family, so I can do everything in my power to ensure my family never go through the same hurt and pain that Triston did. I dedicated my senior year in high school to Triston; now I have to finish my senior year in college since he did not get to.

I grew up in and out of the hospital having different medical issues ranging from monthly heart checkups to death bed visits. The hospital I visited nurtured creativity and provided a lot of creative outlets for not only me, but also my family. While I was staying in the hospitals, I always had the ability to draw, color, or paint, either by myself, or with others. As I grew older, I realized that not everyone nurtures creativity, and I knew how important that was for people. Art offers a unique experience, and creativity offers a way for people to communicate about things that aren’t easy for them to talk about. For all art forms, whether it’s physical or digital art, musical art, videography, or video games, they all offer a form of creative communication to the artist. I want to pursue the degree I’m pursuing in digital design and web technologies to help give those same creative outlets to others, and extend those outlets to people that have been given the opportunity to not have to experience growing up in hospitals. In addition to children, I think a creative outlet for adults is equally important, and I think giving people a second chance is something that I can do with a degree in arts. I know that my degree is something that is not going to be the fanciest or most sought after degree, but I intend to use the degree and education I get to help those that need it. With my degree, I intend to open my own small business that offers creative outlets to all people that need it, regardless of age, religion, ethnicity, race, and background. For those that need a second chance, such as ex-convicts that are trying to get back on their feet, I want a business that can be a stepping stone and a place that can support them as they get acclimated. I want to use art as a way to bridge a gap between people from different backgrounds and cultures and provide a form of unique communication to those that can’t use words as effectively as they want to. Art is something that is so versatile and offers so much more than it is given credit for. All art forms, whether it’s writing, painting, music, pictures, photography, or anything is so much more than entertainment. It’s a way for people to communicate to each other, and it’s an outlet people can use, and an outlet that can offer everyone an opportunity to experience something new.

I’m pursuing a degree and career in digital design and digital art. Once I graduate, I intend to start working towards opening my own digital design business. Art is something that everyone relates to in some way or another, and in the current society, tech is a major part of our everyday lives. Using digital art, I want to provide a positive, emotional impact on others, not only through the art I create, but using the business I’ll start to give others a second chance at life and a creative outlet to handle the curveballs that life throws at us. I’ve grown up in and out of doctor’s offices and hospitals, and one thing that I remember distinctly from my long times in children’s hospitals was the artwork on the walls, and how proud I was when I walked into yet another doctor’s appointment and saw the artwork I’d made while I was admitted hung on the walls. Doctors and hospitals are scary for everyone, and especially for children, but seeing the art and having the opportunity to have a creative outlet at the hospitals helped me immensely, and massively shaped my interest in all the art fields, and particularly with drawing, painting, and designing. Digital art is just another medium for artwork, and I artwork is something that I feel every child should have an opportunity to experience, especially when they’re in situations that can be a lot for them to handle, and it can also be a lot for the families to handle as well. My mom never left my side when I was in hospitals, and once my parents heard that I had less than 6 months to live, it was the worst thing they’d ever been told, and I lived decades passed those 6 months, but my parents dedication to ensuring a happy and healthy life has never wavered, even if the cost of my doctor’s appointments continued to climb. My parents sat with me at all my appointments and helped me with creative outlets to help with everything that was going on, and anytime there was an opportunity for them to draw or color with me, they say with me and did it, partially for me, but partially because it gave them an outlet too. Art is a powerful and expressive thing that everyone should have the opportunity to experience and create, and I intend to give everyone that option. Along with all the people I’ve mentioned deserving artistic expression, I also feel that some people don’t have the luxury of being able to express themselves because they have to fight for their own survival in a world where odds are stacked against them. Released convicts and homeless are usually not given a fair chance at employment due to the situation they’re in, and I feel that should change. Every employer should have the opportunity to do background checks to ensure they’re business is safe, but every person deserves a second chance if they’ve made a commitment to turning their life around, and I intend to help with that as well, but offering employment and opportunity to those that need help getting back on their feet so they can get back out into the world and make it for themselves, and give them their own creative outlet and opportunity to capitalize on their skills and talents. I strongly feel that art is something that everyone relates to through one medium or another, and I intend to give as many people as I can the opportunity that I was given to experience it.