Every time I step into the Dollar Store I buy things without even thinking. I came to the store for bleach but while I'm here I might as well buy dish soap, a candy bar, and a million other things since they only cost a dollar. Well, I'm beginning to learn about quality. I make frequent trips to the Dollar Store and have nothing to show for it. The bleach wasn't strong enough so I have to use a lot more, the candy bar didn't fill me up so I buy multiple of those and it carries onto everything I buy and although I keep pouring time and money into these things it won't bother me that these things can't sustain me because "It's only a dollar.". That mindset where something that I can buy more of is more valuable than buying one more expensive thing carries over into everyday life and can become damaging in theory. Quality over quantity is a common phrase for a reason, quality should be more important and can ultimately save you more money than the quick dollar you were trying to protect. I think instead of it just being a thing that people say, it should be taught. It is something that I don't recall being taught in my house because we couldn't afford quality or quantity but as I get older and manage my own money it see just how important personal finance is.

It is the first day of my freshman year in high school and I'm feeling good. I've got the dry heat of the summer on my back and a fresh pair of Nike Air Force 1's all ready to hit the town. I step into school ready to dominate completely, confidence sky high, and instantly fall on my face. I look down to discover that not only did I just fall in front of the whole school but I fell because I crashed into a teacher. Also discovered that I now lay on the ground in a puddle of her fresh coffee. I look up expecting to see an angry old person ready to crucify me but look up instead to discover Mrs.Tenorio, laughing her heart out while continuously asking me if I was okay. Although I didn't feel okay I respond, "Yes, so sorry". And I carry on my day smelling of coffee and non dairy creamer. Later on that day, she found me frantically searching for my Intro to Spanish class and offers to walk me over there. It's her class. The teacher that I had conveniently spilled their coffee all over me is now one of my actual teachers for the rest of the year. After class, Mrs.Tenorio called me over to her desk. She says that she noticed that I had been rocking back and forth and biting my nails throughout the class period and asked if I was okay. I explained that I hadn't noticed and that I was just a little nervous but she never let up on me. Over the course of the school year and the next year when I still had her class Mrs.Tenorio continuously checked on me and advised me to see a counselor because she claimed that I had severe anxiety. This claim really offended me because I had no idea what it meant. I thought it meant that I was sick, that I couldn't control myself, that I was scared but it wasn't until after I left her class and eventually that school altogether that I had investigated her claims. I went to a school counselor and then a doctor that would eventually help me cope with my anxiety and it wasn't until recently the I had credited Mrs.Tenorio for advocating for me. My parents or siblings would've never noticed since they worked like crazy and by the time they got home I was cooped up in my room. My teachers saw me everyday, could notice when I wasn't being myself and wasn't feeling well better than some of my own friends could so it makes sense that a teacher would be the one to catch my anxiety. Other than a genuine love for learning and sharing, being an advocator for the people who need it and may not even know they need it is a big motivator for me going to school to get my BA in English-education. I know how hard it is to be out of the loop when it comes to your own body and having no one who has the time to notice or care makes it 10 times worse. I just want to help in the best way I know how.

The ways that self-care has changed for me in the past few years are very surprising. To be black, teenage, and female in America, my self-care looks a lot different than my usual trip to the spa. Although I may allow myself a trip to the spa, there are many precautions I will have to take. On a self-care day, self-care is staying off of social media so you don't have to watch people killed for sport. Self-care is allowing me to use my sick days to mourn those people even though I've never met them. On these days, my phone will be on 'Do Not Disturb'. The days I take to myself are often spent alone so I can heal my spirit. Isolation is the only way I can allow myself to go outside and carry on with my week. It impacts my life because to witness tragic events like school shootings, police brutality, and human trafficking, I have to allow myself a moment to be human. I've never acknowledged how hard it is to be more than a capitalist machine most days. It's hard to take time to process all your emotions before returning to reality but it is so necessary. My self-care is isolating and often leaves me speechless, not knowing how to describe it other than "Just needing some space" because I do. I need some space to heal but I also need room to grow out in the world where I can be safe and my people free. However, until that happens I practice my self-care.