My grandfather reminded me of a small child in a candy store when we were choosing my lacrosse gear. He was immensely joyous as he had played lacrosse at the United States Air Force Academy back when it was a club sport. The excitement that he had when I revealed I decided to play is something that I'll never forget as I carried that excitement with me through the sport. I began playing lacrosse my sophomore year of high school, much later than many of my teammates. I felt lost as this was the first sport I've ever participated in, and I already had underlying anxiety. I remember my teammate introducing herself and offering to switch sticks since mine was brand new and wasn't broken in yet. Already on my first day, I understood what it meant when people said teams were family. I was not only welcomed with opened arms, but people made it a point to show they cared. I've never had that before lacrosse and for that I will always be grateful. My anxiety is my own worst enemy, but my teammates made me feel at home. I was afraid to make mistakes at first but the encouraging, "you got that!", from my peers reassured me. I decided to join a club team the next as I wanted to play lacrosse for more than just a spring season. I joined a team in another nearby town to avoid anyone I knew as my thoughts and worries consumed me. My first experience with my school's team went smoothly therefore I calmed myself down knowing everything would be okay. Without my exposure to sports at school, I wouldn't have had the confidence to meet a brand-new group of girls, who I also now consider my friends. Joining two different teams where I knew no one has taught me my own strength. It has allowed me to realize I am capable of hard things. My grandfather passed unexpectedly during my junior year. Practice began to feel like a place of grief where I was just reminded of my grandfather. I cried while putting on my cleats my first practice back and decided I wasn't strong enough to get through the rest of the evening. I eventually confided in my school coaches and explained why playing was so difficult at the time. Every time I picked up my stick, I remembered the photo of my grandfather holding the same one at the DICKS Sporting Goods store. My coach changed my entire perspective about my grief with only one conversation while I was waiting for my ride. She offered the idea that continuing to play the sport is a way to continue his legacy. She reminded me that my grandfather would want me to continue playing as I have found community and happiness within the sport. Ever since then, I have played and practice knowing my grandfather is proud of me. Playing a high school sport has ultimately taught me two things: that vulnerability creates relationships, and that I am my only limit. Lacrosse has taught me that being honest with others builds connections. Lacrosse has made me realize my inner potential and self-worth. Choosing to join my high school team was easily one of the best decisions I've ever made.

I often got reprimanded as a child for forgetting to say, "thank you" after someone had done a good deed for me. As a young child, getting frustrated with my single, immigrant mother for nagging me about manners was common. Maturing has allowed me to realize her effort to encourage me to appreciative for every little thing stems from her experiences moving to a new country. Challenges are inevitable however I am equipped with the skills to overcome them, many of them traits I acquired from my mother. My father lived two states away for my whole life, but I struggled with his death greatly. Interestingly, I always thought of my mother during times of grief. We lost our grandfather years ago and my mother kept on living. She grieved, but she lived. The strength that she has demonstrated allowed me to find my own strength as well. I want to pursue a degree in agriculture or fisheries science, both male dominated industries. My mother stepped up and became both parents at once- she filled all of the roles that a typical father would. Seeing first-hand how societies norms can be challenged inspires me to do the same. I want to create an inviting space in scientific spaces for women as that wasn't always the case for me. My dream is open an aquaponics farm, using fish to cultivate crops. I am currently in FFA where I am planning on showing an aquarium at the state fair. I have taken many aligned courses such as Agriscience, Marine Science, AP Environmental Science, and AP Biology. Being a scientist has been my career goal since elementary school, where I competed in the county science fair multiple times. I am committed to my goals, and I will continue on until I reach them.

Belonging is a feeling that I believe all humans strive to perceive. Being biracial has made me question my identity my whole life but when reflecting on my experiences, I find belonging on both sides of my family in different ways. I was raised by a single mother, who emigrated from post-war Vietnam in search of a better life. I live with my mother and additionally my grandparents, who moved along with her from Vietnam. I have an immense amount of pride for my heritage and my roots as every day I get a reminder of the people who created and care for me. With everything I do, it is always my goal to better myself however in the back of my mind, I am achieving to make them proud as well. I have a unique perspective with being Asian American since I am mixed. Logically, I would feel less Asian compared to my mother's family but the fact that I am only 50% Asian connects me to my culture even more. I often forget I don't physically look like the people I am related to. When I get a reminder that I am the only black sheep of my family, I often feel the need to "prove" to others that I am worthy of calling myself Asian. I bring up the fact that I'm fluent in Vietnamese, own a rice cooker, and even that my middle name is Phuong quite often. The questions I get of how I'm related or know my own mother often made me feel excluded as a child. Every feeling of exclusion I have felt has stemmed from external sources. My forgetfulness with my appearance is mainly because of the way I am treated by my family- no different than any of my other cousins. My family has always validated my Asian American identity, and I cannot remember a time I truly felt singled out by any of my relatives. They have taught me to acknowledge that I exist as both Asian and American at the same time, but I am not less of either. My family allows me to flourish in the feeling of belonging- a feeling that is necessary for happiness. Higher education would additionally build on my desire to belong. Although I didn't live with my father, our visits always included nature. I decided I want to pursue an environmental career early in high school, before my father passed away when I was 15. Continuing my goals that he knew about will not only help my grief but increase feelings that I belong somewhere. Nature is my safe place, and I want to make that into a rewarding career. My father never completed his bachelor's degree as well therefore earning mine would be a way to live out his legacy. Furthering my education will also allow me to pursue goals that my mother and grandparents couldn't imagine reaching. As the first-generation in my mother's family, all of mine and my cousins' accomplishments are not only products of our hard work, but our parents' as well. College is just the avenue to my dreams. I am confident that one day I will be a business owner, and I am determined to make it there. I have an incredible amount of support as well as an incredible amount of willpower that will allow me to make it happen.

Growing up biracial and with divorced parents, I often joke about how I lived my childhood with a double life. I spent the majority of my time with my Vietnamese family in Florida where I became fluent in the language and heavily immersed in the culture. However, I visited my father’s family in upstate South Carolina during school breaks where I was surrounded by Appalachian influences. I believe my experiences in two vastly different communities molded who I am as a person and my own understanding of myself. My mother’s family escaped post-war Vietnam in search of a better life. I have always been taught the sacrifices my family had to make in order for my generation to not understand the struggles from their childhood. I lived with my grandfather until he passed from Parkinson’s although his legacy as a South Vietnam veteran has always lived in me. I am incredibly proud of my heritage and my family, using the opportunity to speak my language everywhere I can. I feel privileged to grow up with a roof over my head, food on our table, and the security of feeling safe in my own home. Despite having more than what my mother grew up with, I never forgot where my blessings came from. As a single parent, my mother worked six days a week for 10 hours a day, only making money on commissions as a nail tech. As the provider for me, my grandma, and herself, my mother was often consumed with work leaving little time to spend with us. Many typical opportunities children have growing up were unavailable to me due to our financial and family situation. My grandfather was sick for the beginning of my childhood therefore resources like time and money went directly towards his care. The only vacations I had were my mandated trips to South Carolina to visit my father’s family. Aligned with this, I never had an opportunity to explore many extracurriculars as they got too expensive. I was a cheerleader in elementary school until my mother’s work hours and financial situation disallowed me to continue my career. I only began playing sports in high school with the help of my grandparents as they thoughtfully gifted me lacrosse gear for my 16th birthday. Without this present, I wouldn’t have had the funds to purchase equipment myself. Currently, I balance high school, extracurriculars, and a job as a receptionist. I work with my mother as affording a car is currently out of the picture, so we commute to work together. The money I make goes directly into savings so I can eventually buy a vehicle and become less dependent on my mother. I experienced death for the first time when I was eight, with my grandfather’s passing. I didn’t understand what it meant to grieve as I was a child however this was not the last time I would experience it. My father was diagnosed with stage 4 brain cancer during my freshman year of high school and passed away when I was 15. My father’s death was single-handedly the most traumatizing experience I’ve been through. I vividly remember everything from the night he passed from hearing his constant “death rattle” to holding his skinny, deteriorating hand for hours on end. I have always admired my father’s bravery in general as he stepped up to be my step-siblings’ father following his divorce with my mother. I continued this admiration as his contributions with child support greatly aided my mother in caring for me. My admiration for my father continues to this day as he fought as hard as he could to stay for us children. I have struggled with my mental health following my father’s death not only with grieving himself but worrying for my future. My father will never see my graduate high school or get married and that reality is hard to accept. I also have anxiety surrounding finances as my father isn’t here anymore to support me through college. Despite my anxieties, I always fall back to God and his promises that everything will work out in the end. Before my father passed, he gifted me his professional, digital camera. My father understood my interests and gave me this present so I could “photograph lacrosse and document fish” that I had caught. As I spent my summers with him, we spent a lot of time exploring nature and this is how we bonded. It has almost been two years since his passing and his camera is my most prized possession. His camera has traveled with me far and wide, capturing everything from mountains to beaches that I’ve visited. Because of my love for nature, I have a desire to make it into my career. I quite literally grew up surrounded by the earth and I want to spend the rest of my life studying it. I want to pursue a degree in wildlife/fisheries biology or environmental science. My ultimate career goal is to be a business owner with a combined aquaponics farm and fish store. I love learning to be sustainable and with aquaponics, I can have an organic farm. I understand how it feels to struggle and I intend on donating a bulk of my crops to help feed those in need. Nature has ultimately been the backbone of my life. Despite having financial difficulties growing up, I could always rely on nature for free. Studying the earth is not only something that I find therapeutic but in a way, it allows me to give back to something that has provided so much for me.

Being a positive force in society requires being a well-rounded and focused individual and I check both boxes. Not only do I value my academics, but I also believe in serving the community that built me. I have collected 120+ volunteer hours with recurring and one-time opportunities. Growing up, my family instilled that we must help those in need as we never know when we might be in their position. I routinely joined my grandparents in delivering food with Meals on Wheels starting in elementary school. I gained my perspective regarding poverty at a young age as I was exposed to it while volunteering. Social norms often paint those in poverty as "lazy" or "unwilling to work" however my experience allowed me to have empathy and a new understanding to folks who are put into unfortunate situations. I have continued volunteering with Meals on Wheels when the opportunity presents as maturing has made me even more passionate about serving those in need. I know I am making a difference when I see a smile or get a "thank you" from a recipient, therefore I believe I am indeed a positive force in society. I also have experience with environmental organizations such as Keep Tampa Bay Beautiful and Clearwater Marine Aquarium. As I was raised in Florida, I saw first-hand how climate change and specifically the denial of it affects both humans and wildlife. The most significant effect I've observed is the amplification of Red Tide where hundreds of deceased marine life wash ashore due to the increased algae blooms. I understand the impact of climate change as my home is changing due to it, which gives reason to why I choose to give back to the environment as well. I have been involved with clean-ups and tending to community gardens with Keep Tampa Bay Beautiful. Physically seeing a difference within the garden regarding crop growth rewards me and is an indicator my work has value. At Clearwater Marine Aquarium, I was educated on marine conservation while volunteering in the Cafe as a busser. Although I did not work directly with wildlife, I believe the positive force I brought was with our patrons. Aquarium visitors directly support the animals housed through their purchases so providing an inviting experience was essential. Through the summer term, I gained customer service and professional skills while aiding in a cause I am passionate about. I currently use the skills gained with volunteering at my paid job as a receptionist. I am the first and last person a customer sees at our nail salon therefore I must provide an enjoyable experience. Knowing I was a piece in somebody's relaxing day at the salon warms my heart. Because I am still incredibly passionate about caring for others and the environment, I will continue to volunteer and/or work in these fields. I have been serving others since I was young, and I intend to uphold this as I get older.

The ocean is embedded in me. I feel most at home when I am listening to waves crashing while feeling the warmth of the sun on my skin. I grew up near the coast of Florida, therefore I have always been surrounded by the sea. Beaches are part of my identity, just as much as being non-binary is. As I’ve matured, thinking about the future is on my radar but so is my past. It is only recently that I have started to correct people on my pronouns as I have never felt “non-binary enough”. Although I have received hatred and judgment from people for just being myself, the ocean has always been there for me. When I have a bad day, I use the ocean to cope. Drives on the causeway during sunset and fishing on the pier are two of my favorite coping skills. I have felt alone many times in my life due to my identity being different than my peers however all of my problems disappear in the presence of nature. Because the ocean has always taken care of me when I needed a safe place, I feel it is my job to protect this commodity. I have a major interest in marine life and fish specifically as I am an aquarium hobbyist. I have learned I enjoy water chemistry by learning to test my parameters. I have learned how valuable each of part of an ecosystem is to balance out ammonia and nitrates by caring for my own tanks. I have translated this passion into making my life goal to preserve the natural world. My ideal job is to research aquatic wildlife in relation to their environments in order to preserve these populations and their habitats. Living near the ocean means I have experienced the good, bad, and ugly of the ocean. I remember being a young child and witnessing hundreds of dead fish on the shorelines and learning about Red Tide. Seeing real issues with my own eyes puts into perspective how dire these issues are. This in turn drives me to want to be a marine and aquatic conservationist. In order to accomplish this goal, college is my next step. My father passed away from brain cancer and my mother is a Vietnam War refugee. Money has never been plentiful in my life, adding to why nature is one of my favorite past times as it’s low cost. Without scholarship opportunities, I would not be able to attend college without gaining debt. Winning this scholarship would mean I am one step closer to pursuing my dreams. Not only will my dreams fulfill my heart but it will benefit the natural world as well.

My own identity is a crucial part of my life. When reflecting on myself, I realized the way I was raised played a significant role in who I am today. I am biracial, both Caucasian and Asian however I was raised by my single mother. My mom is a Vietnamese immigrant who escaped the war-torn country and her experiences have been passed down to me. I do not look Asian although I live solely with my Asian family. I have never felt like I belonged with my own relatives even though they have never excluded me. I have always struggled with calling myself Asian even though half of my DNA is as I feared what others would think of me. Even when I spoke Vietnamese and showed photos of my mother, people still didn't believe me. The same fear appeared when I came to terms with my sexuality. In middle school, I discovered I was bisexual. Coming from a traditional Vietnamese family, absolutely no conversations about sexuality were had. I feared I would disappoint my mother as bearing children and starting a family was expected of myself and my cousins. Middle school was the time I explored my gender identity as well. I refused to touch a dress or skirt and I would only wear sports bras as being hyper-feminine felt disgusting on me. I also hated my body- the female parts of my body. I began dressing neutrally and this is where I felt most confident. I learned some people are non-binary and for once, I finally saw myself in someone else. I was also afraid to admit to people I was attracted to both men and women as many have told me to "pick a side". The same issue presented itself when coming out as non-binary as I had to choose between being a man or a woman. Picking a side is something I've had to deal with all of my life. I had to be either Asian or White. According to some, I am unable to exist as a mix of both cultures. Coming to terms with my race and ethnicity was immensely difficult but through therapy, my perspective changed. As long as I am confident in who I am, it doesn't bother me how others perceive me. I am proudly biracial, bisexual, and non-binary. This scholarship would go to my education in studying fisheries biology. Since I live on the coast of Florida, aquatic life surrounds me. This also means that environmental issues are prominent where I am. I want to use my education to further the conversation of endangered fish. Learning is genuinely enjoyable for me, especially when I'm learning about my interests. I hope to restore fish populations in the future which in turn will benefit humanity. By replenishing populations, the fishing industry is able to flourish, allowing more people to be fed. I understand the experience of being low-income therefore combining my interests of fish with my desire to help the needy is my ultimate goal in life.

Growing up on the coast of Florida and upstate South Carolina, I have been surrounded by wildlife throughout my childhood. My parents are divorced however nature has been my safe place since I was a juvenile and this continued throughout my life, especially when enormous roadblocks occurred. By combining my love for horticulture and aquatic life, I became an avid aquarium hobbyist using solely live plants. I enjoy learning; therefore, any new experience excites me. I already had a vegetable garden where I grew bell peppers for my guinea pigs. I discovered aquaculture exists, prompting me to begin a science fair experiment testing multiple aquaculture designs. My plan was going well until my father was diagnosed with stage 4 Glioblastoma, the deadliest form of brain cancer. I watched my father die when I was fifteen. Ending up with only one parent while my peers had two, I began to struggle. I genuinely believed I didn’t have a future if my dad wasn’t present to experience it with me. So much so, while holding my dad’s hand just hours before his death, I repeatedly begged God to kill me- or I was going to do it myself. To cope with my grief, I turned to marijuana. There was not a day when I wouldn’t be chasing the high. My trauma was so unbearable that I needed a quick solution to get me through. I attended daily activities such as school while under the influence as if I stopped, I would revisit the memory of the moment he took his last breath. My school performance plummeted as I lacked the mental willpower to care about my responsibilities- I didn’t even want to be alive. Suicidal thoughts led me to being admitted to a psychiatric ward where I tested positive for fentanyl. Testing positive for hard drugs changed my perspective. I wanted to change. I only learned my father graduated with a degree in horticulture after he passed as it was included in his obituary. My entire family knew I wanted to study the relationship between fish and plants, including my father. Before he passed, he gifted me his professional camera that he used to photograph plants and the natural world around him. He encouraged me to photograph the natural world as spending time camping and hiking was our quality time. He wanted me to continue our shared interests- I am his legacy. Now that my father is deceased, he is unable to help me afford college. I live full-time with my mother who is a Vietnam War refugee therefore we are low-income. We live paycheck to paycheck, and I am left to find ways to fund my college career in different ways. I am an IB, AP, and honors student who balances academics with varsity lacrosse and a job. I have overcome many hardships in my life which eases my mind as I know I am strong enough to get through anything else that comes my way. I have dreams of working in the fisheries field where I use the symbiosis between fish and plants in order to grow crops. I understand what it's like to have nothing but still lose everything. This scholarship will bring me closer to my dreams and closer to making both of my parents proud. No matter what I do with my life, I want my father to look down from heaven smiling at me. I believe he is doing so now.

The image of holding my dying father's hand knowing it would be the last time I would ever feel the touch of his skin again constantly replays in my head. After my father lost his battle to with Stage 4 Glioblatoma I felt completely lost. I had limited time to process my father’s death before I was informed my ex-stepmother (and the mother to my three siblings) hung herself. Losing my father and stepmother in less than one month caused me to spiral into a depression where I turned to other coping methods such as disordered eating and self-harm. I was stuck in a cycle of feeling grief to feeling guilty for grieving my family. I became immersed in lacrosse when I became a student manager for our boys’ team. After a year of taking photos of athletes on my phone and learning the ropes, I decided to begin playing. When I started lacrosse, I had also felt lost. I was a first time varsity athlete who was so completely clueless that I couldn’t even catch a ball. Little did I know lacrosse would’ve saved my life. Before my father passed, he gifted me sentimental items including a professional digital camera. I was holding thousands of dollars worth of technology in my hands- and I became the owner of it. My father presented the camera only with mentioning the purpose of handing it down... so I can document all of my fishing adventures and lacrosse games. With this camera, I was able to elevate my role as a student manager as I could capture photographs to curate social media posts. After my teammates learned I photograph boys lacrosse, I was equipped with the task of photographing my own teammates during my own game. On game days, I attend both the boys and girls game as I am fully committed to both roles I possessed. Lacrosse wasn’t bringing me much joy anymore therfore I knew I had to change. I knew I needed help. I entered an intensive outpatient therapy program where I attended treatment for four months on end. With professional aid, I have found clarity again in the things I loved. Lacrosse was my stability- it was routine. I couldn’t control the fate of my family however I am in control of my performance on the field. It gave me a distraction while healing me simueltaneously. I found community in lacrosse. I look up immensely to our boys head coach who took me under his wing as a freshman and who was there when my family passed. To my teammates who engulfed me in a group hug when I broke down during practice due to grief. I even learned multiple of teammates are grieving parents as well. Every single person I have met through lacrosse has postively impacted me therefore I want to do the same with others. I am triumphing over my struggles through my sports photography. Photography is still a shared interest between my dad and I, even though one of us is gone. This heals my heart which allows me to heal other hearts who suffered through the same pain I did.

Grieving a parent during adolescence proves to be an uncommon situation but this is my situation nonetheless. The passing of my father has been the most traumatic experience in my life however with the immense agony it brought me, I have gained an immense amount of wisdom. My father was diagnosed with stage four Glioblastoma during my freshman year of high school. He took his very last breath when I was fifteen and although I was (and still am) young, I can recall the events of that evening vividly. I remember holding my dad’s hand for literal hours and praying to God to take me next so I wouldn’t have to endure the pain. I remember how sickly my dad appeared, from his hairless body to his deteriorating skin. This night never leaves my mind, even two years later. My parents have been divorced since I was three so I shared custody between my two parents. When with my dad, our favorite activities were hiking mountains, sightseeing, and camping on the lake. Consequently, I developed in interest for aquatic life. I attended a free marine biology summer camp that was sponsored by Minorities in Shark Science and this was the moment my eyes were opened for the first time. I learned I could turn my interests into a career and ever since then, I decided to dip my toes in fisheries biology. My mother is a Vietnamese refugee therefore we are low income and I’ve never had the opportunity to explore aquatic sciences. This camp was incredibly significant to me as it changed my future goals and life plans. I became so passionate about fish that I was gifted a fishing pole and camera, so I can document my catches. My whole family knew about my career goals, including my father. Having extra help in affording college would prove to be beneficial in my case as mentioned before, I am a low income student. Since my father passed away, I will get no financial help from him with limited help from my mother. It has become my responsibility to fathom a way to sustain the price of college. Death’s permanence is a concept I struggled to accept. My father will permanently know me as fifteen meaning he will only know my interests and goals at that age. I don’t mind this however as I am intensely passionate about fisheries biology and I have been set on this profession for years. The fact my father isn’t present to see me succeed in turn drives me to succeed. Because my father is gone, it is up to me to live his legacy and make him proud that I still hold his last name. If my father did not pass away, I would not have discovered my personal strength. Ever since my dad died, I have been living life to the fullest with the understanding that life is so temporary therefore I must not waste precious time that my father was robbed of.

I remember vividly holding my dad’s hand hours before his death, begging God to kill me as my dad was dying of Glioblastoma. I was only a sophomore in high school- no teenager should have to watch their parent deteriorate until their death but alas, that teenager was me. My parents have been divorced since I was three, meaning I had many trips back and forth from Florida and South Carolina as my father moved away. Fast forwarding to when I was 13, my father and I had stopped communicating. No phone calls or in person visits, just incredibly loud silence. Our no-contact term eventually ended only because I learned my father had Glioblastoma- the deadliest brain cancer where only 5% of patients live past 5 years (The Brain Tumor Charity). I have lived most of my life without my father however this was immensely different. My father and I reconnected again as we both understood his time on this earth was limited. Every single break I had from school, even if it was just a 3 day weekend, I would be in South Carolina. It was absolute torture visiting my father as I could only see him every couple of months. Every single time brought consequent pain as every time I saw him, he was slowly nearing death. At first, he was healthy enough to fly down to Florida and go to a hockey game. Months passed and when I saw him in September 2022, he was bound to a wheelchair. For me, I had just seen him up and healthy and suddenly he became incredibly ill. I still struggle with not being present with my dad for all of his cancer journey however I remind myself it’s not my fault that I live so far. My father began giving us gifts, such as his professional digital camera. My father told me he wanted me to have this keepsake as he was an avid photographer. I am a student lacrosse manager and varsity athlete as well as a fishing hobbyist and my father wanted me to have a way to document my sports games and memorable fish catches. My mom and I were getting ready to visit him for his birthday until his birthday visit became the very last visit. When I walked into the room, my father looked sickly. He had lost so much weight and hair that he was unrecognizable. I noticed his fentanyl patch which made me realize just how painful dying of cancer is. My dad’s last spoken words to me were, “don’t be sorry” as I profusely apologized for not communicating with him. He could barely muster up those words but that moment constantly replays in my mind. My dad’s very last words weren’t verbal however. When I was younger, my dad taught me how to communicate through hand squeezes. He squeezed four times to ask, “Do you love me?”. I replied with three, “Yes I do”. He then squeezed two times and asked, “How much?”. I then squeezed his hand with every single ounce of strength in me as this was the last time I would ever say I love you. Now that it’s been two years, I am incredibly excited for my future. I have learned how to cope with my grief and all other of life’s problems. I have decided I want to study fisheries biology as my father knew this was one of my interests. Grief is tremendously difficult however I am now living my life to the fullest as my father couldn’t.

“Don’t be sorry”. Those were the last words my dad muttered to me before Glioblastoma, the most deadliest brain cancer, took his life. I will never forget anything about that night from what exactly I ate, to where I sat, to the literal smell of my sickly dad. I have constant flashbacks when any reminder is present and having to reminisce on the fact I am in fact grieving irks me. It didn’t feel like he died- he was never in my day-to-day life so nothing physically changed for me. I have forever longed for a father in my life as he moved two states away when my parents divorced. When he passed, this desire became even stronger. I felt so alone as there was no one my age that also was grieving a parent around me. I fell into substance abuse as I couldn’t bear thinking about my father anymore. I was only 15 when he passed away. He promised me he would make it to my graduation but God had other plans. He was going to miss so much, like my wedding or his grandkids or my first car… I could go on for hours as my mind has meticulously thought of every single event my dad will miss. My mind was utterly consumed with death as I became suicidal following my dad’s passing. I didn’t see a way out as it wasn’t fair in my eyes that I was still breathing while my dad wasn’t. Unexpectedly, my stepmom committed suicide three weeks after my dad’s death. I felt bittersweet about this because as a human with emotions, I had just lost a family member. On the other hand, my stepmom was an abusive drug addict who caused both me and my sister to develop PTSD symptoms. It was insanely difficult for me to even allow myself to grieve as I thought I didn’t even deserve a dad. Everyone had told me I was handling it well, but my perceived grace through my grief was only a facade as I had never felt more broken in my life before. After my dad and stepmom passed, my grandparents took custody of my younger siblings. Earlier this year, my grandpa also passed away. Three deaths in our family, in less than two years. My grandpa and I had a special bond as he pulled me closer to God with him being my Godfather. That’s what I forgot through my grief process. I forgot that even though it felt like everyone was dying or leaving, God was there for me. God was taking care of my family in heaven. I was placed in intensive outpatient therapy as I was now grieving two people at once. I learned that being vulnerable about my emotions only allows other people to be vulnerable with me too. As I talked more about my feelings, I realized there were other kids who actually understood. I started to lean back on God and since I have done that, I am now discharging from intensive therapy. I don’t rely on substances to feel sane anymore. I am finally me again and I wouldn’t have found myself without the help from God. Everything that has happened was supposed to happen, and I firmly believe this.

Music keeps me sane. Zach Bryan's "She's Alright" holds a special place in my heart. The title refers to Bryan's late mother. On October 30th, 2022, my dad took his last breath after a relentless battle with Glioblastoma. My loss permits me to resonate deeply with this song. Grief is never easy, especially when you are so young. Losing a parent creates an enormous hole in your heart. There is a lack of people to which I can feel like I relate due to the rarity of my situation. The realization of how many things my dad will (and currently is) miss eats away at my consciousness. Guiltiness and confusion resurface during any of my positive experiences now, as I don't understand why I am the one alive and why my dad is the one dead. I struggle with allowing myself to be happy as I don't want these experiences if my dad isn't here to join me. I feel a little less insane whenever I hear Bryan sing, "I'm so happy I could cry, why'd you have to go and die like that?" as it perfectly describes how even during my happiest moments, my grief will always crawl back. Zach Bryan has a way with words that leaves me no choice but to admire his talent. The development of this song reminds me that everything will be okay in the end. His chorus repeats "But I'm alright 'Cause she's here tonight Oh, she's alright" I often forget that my dad isn't missing anything. I lose sight of his presence often but I find reassurance in the lyrics of this song. Listening to these words reminds me that although my dad's appearance isn't physically seen, he lives eternally by my side.

Change isn't something that happens overnight, however, it is often forgotten change has to start somewhere- and that is often on a small-scale basis. As a sophomore with over 30+ volunteer hours, it's clear community service is significant to me. One of the biggest obstacles that I have observed in our world today is as simple as one word. Ignorance. Ignorance stands in the way of virtually everything. It prevents us from communicating ideas and connecting. Humans are inherently social creatures. We are not meant to go through this life without each other. Ignorance and selfishness stand in the way of our very nature. This lack of awareness for one another drives me to continue donating my time to services that require volunteers. The more I volunteer in different environments, the more open-minded I have become. I have worked in many different situations such as clean-ups to food service. In each job I take on, different skills are needed but I have noticed there is always one constant that must be kept. Kindness. Community service is just that- you are involving yourself in your community to benefit something greater than just you. Volunteering has taught me the value of just being kind. I spent this past summer as a table runner at Clearwater Marine Aquarium. I was ignorant in the sense that I believed I wasn't going to make a difference if I wasn't directly involved in the care of animals, but this just isn't the case. As I interacted with more and more guests, I realized that a simple "how are you doing today?" can lift another's spirit. With no real tangible reward, I will still choose to continue helping my community. Having the opportunity to interact with others consequently opens an opportunity to make somebody's day better. I am a true believer that most people hurt others due to the fact they were hurt themselves. My motivation isn't attaining a specific number of hours but instead, I long for seeing the smiles I can put on others' faces by just being kind. Kindness is the solution to the deconstruction of an ignorant society and although I am just one person, I understand that change starts somewhere. It starts with me.