I came out as queer to my parents when I was 14 years old, though I really didn't have much of a choice. They walked in on me kissing another girl one day and I guess it just kind of needed to be said. However, it probably shouldn't have come as such a huge shock to them. Even as a toddler, my performance of gender veered more towards masculinity than how little girls were taught to behave. Still, my parents struggled to accept the new reality: that their child was queer. It certainly didn't help that my father was (and still is) a devoutly Lutheran pastor and teacher at the same Lutheran school I was forced to attend for middle school. Up until that point, my father and I had a very special and loving relationship. I was like the son he wished he had. He taught me to play sports, be tough, and fight with my fists if the need arose. My mother, who immigrated from El Salvador not long before the ultra-violent civil war plagued the country in the 1980s, blamed my father for what she thought was an unfortunate but preventable outcome. My relationship to my parents deteriorated over the following years as we battled each other fiercely over my autonomy. Shortly after I came out, my mom took me to live in El Salvador, for several years in an effort to purge what she and my father viewed as a rebellious phase. There, I was forced to attend church three times a week and share a bedroom with my mother and her watchful eye. I remember my teens as a time of total isolation. I was whisked away from my home and my friends, and even the language, culture, and foods I was accustomed to. I was catapulted into a deep, dark and savage depression that culminated with violence against myself when I was 15. I swallowed 12 painkillers. I woke up gagging on a metal table in a dingy doctor’s office with a plastic tube down my throat. As the poison was being pumped of me, the doctor gestured to the table next to mine. A very blue and bloated corpse lay there fitted with a toe tag. He said, “this could have been you today.” Luckily for me, it wasn’t. I was sent home to live yet another day with the outwardly invisible gastrointestinal scars to remind me of that event for years to come. After this wild ride through hell, my mother decided it might be best to let me express myself in whatever ways I needed to. She stopped screening the lyrics and artwork on every CD or record I bought for profanity or “demonic” imagery. She stopped going through my journals and forcing me to wear dresses and go to church. I was finally able to become someone that would eventually resemble myself again. While this felt like a victory to me, in a lot of ways, I still felt all alone in the world. It’s a feeling I continue to struggle with. I no longer entertain serious suicidal thoughts, but it is still a struggle, in this hyper-productive culture we live in, to find inner-peace and joy. What seems never to fail to ground and revive me, however, is solitude in nature and experiencing moments of pure joy and melancholic beauty through music, dance, and art. Slowing down to truly experience beauty, in whatever form it comes, I think may be key to overcoming the great challenges of our human experience.

I understand how important encouragement can be in achieving difficult goals because it's helped me tremendously over the course of my life. From touring the country as a musician, to working as an assistant at a prestigious law firm, and now returning to school after over a decade away, I've had the privilege of being encouraged by others to keep striving for excellence in everything I do no matter how big or small the goal. That's why I strive to ensure that those around me feel supported and encouraged to do the same, whether they are friends, family, colleagues, classmates, or even total strangers. Instead of perpetuating a culture of bitter competition between one another, I believe a society can truly thrive if we strive to foster a culture of community, support, and genuine encouragement for one another. This can promote more equity by allowing people to achieve their own definitions of success for themselves and future generations. Specific ways that I have personally encouraged and supported others include volunteering at the La Brea Tar Pits as a gallery interpreter and science communicator. I had the opportunity to interact with children about science and thought it was especially important to encourage young girls to continue pursing their curiosity for the natural world because women/girls continue to be vastly underrepresented in STEM. Additionally, this year I was able to join The Dream Come True Foundation as a mentor to adults who are pursuing their education in order to overcome poverty and homelessness. I believe that my life experiences--overcoming my own personal challenges-- gives me a perspective from which to help and encourage others to stay the course and keep at it despite the obstacles they may face. Even though we may often feel alone, we are all in this together.

I'm not exaggerating when I say I was absolutely terrified to return to school after over a decade away. I knew it was going to be immensely challenging and I was worried I would not be able to keep up intellectually with the course material and the fast pace of college. Three years in and here I am: a straight-A student. I never thought I would see the day! Has it been easy? Definitely not. Especially for someone quickly approaching 40-years of age and tackling subjects like Statistics, Calculus, and Biology, I have surprised myself beyond my wildest imagination. In the months leading up to my first semester in college, I spent a significant amount of time researching best study habits. The single most helpful tip I learned and continue to apply today is spaced repetition and self-testing. I spend at least 20-30 minutes after reading/learning new material to test myself, ensuring I comprehend the important points from that material before moving on. This has been extremely valuable because it is so time efficient and increases retention while minimizing stress prior to an exam. This method has been absolutely key to my success in every subject. I've developed excellent time management skills and can say with absolute confidence that it has improved my life in myriad ways. Furthermore, I believe that regular exercise, sufficient sleep, healthy diet, and regular mediation improves our brain function allowing us to focus and concentrate better. Additionally, healthy habits are linked to improved mental well-being. As a student, I know firsthand how challenging it can be to take care of yourself and stay on top of schoolwork. Therefore, implementing time-efficient study habits as I mentioned above is crucial for success, not just in school, but in many areas of our lives.