I would like to think that, underneath my social anxiety, I'm a pretty cool person whom others might want to get to know. I am a musician, a game designer, and a baker. I love having the opportunity to get to know people on a deeper, personal level, and I love talking for hours about random things. I try my best to be thoughtful, helpful, encouraging, and caring. Very few people have had the chance to know me in these ways. Social anxiety has defined my life, my every decision, since the age of 11 years. It sounds like an exaggeration, but it scarcely is. While I had friends in school, I never tried to make one of my own volition. Though I had crushes, I never tried to speak to any of them (or really, any girls) - rather, I tried very hard to make sure that never happened. In everything, I pushed my own desires to the wayside, because I was very scared of making others uncomfortable. I avoided everything, to avoid the risk of hurting others; and in doing so, I hurt myself. I attempted college for a semester when I was 18, only to be unable to attend classes, take showers, and even go to the dining hall to eat because of my anxiety. My young adulthood was one of isolation; for years, I simply avoided even leaving my home. The only things I failed to avoid were the painful, suicidal thoughts inside my head. Finally, in 2020, things began to change, when I learned about a condition fittingly named avoidant personality disorder. I began to learn so much more about myself: where my anxiety came from; what it is that I truly want, and need (that being genuine human connection); and how to forgive myself for misplaced guilt. In the last year, I have made significant progress. I finally found a medication that helps me, and an amazing therapist who fits me perfectly. She has helped me so much to find the strength to carry on, and a little bit of self-confidence with which to do it. And, just earlier this year, she changed the course of my life in a moment - simply by telling me that she thought that I, too, could make a great therapist. I respect and trust her, and I really took it to heart; and I think she might be right. A short time later, I made the decision: I'm going back to school to become a therapist. To obtain my licensure, I must complete a bachelor's degree before subsequently earning a Master's in Counseling, and that is what I plan to do. I'm working hard to ensure I will be successful - I've prepared a plan that will work for me, specifically. I have chosen to major in Interdisciplinary Studies with a concentration in Psychology, to take advantage of the knowledge I already have, and focus on the knowledge I need to acquire. Through credits granted by examinations and assessments, I have a great head-start in my no-holds-barred approach to fulfilling my aspirations - and I will see it through. My experiences with anxiety will offer me unique insights into those I have the opportunity to help. I plan to specialize in treating severe anxiety and personality disorders with an individualized, humanistic approach that meets people where they are - knowing when to be patient and compassionate, and knowing when to be persistent and empowering. I really can't wait to be a therapist, and college must come first. Thank you very much for reading and considering my application.

It was around the age of 14 that I began to understand the pervasive influence which mental illness exerted over myself and my family. My mom had a very rough childhood; her experiences affected her deeply in the abilities of emotional regulation and expression, and in basic trust. These pains followed her into her marriage, and, after having three children, my parents were divorced. It may well have been the best decision for the both of them, but it nonetheless exacerbated many of their individual difficulties. The consequences of these struggles reverberated through my myself and my siblings. As children, we experienced great stress, pain, and guilt while at one home or the other. As adults, all three of us have fought our own battles with depression. With the help of medication and therapy, my older sister now thrives as a teacher and in her relationship, but also had to make the difficult decision to cease contact with our mom. My younger brother still struggles with depression and detachment, in spite of his many talents and passions. Personally, I have suffered from severe social anxiety, feelings of worthlessness, and suicidal thoughts for a very long time. In 2021, after 5 years of off-and-on treatment since my high school graduation, I was diagnosed with avoidant personality disorder. In the years since, I have used this new insight into myself to, at last, begin to truly heal. Last year, I finally found a medication that helps, and a therapist who is a wonderful fit for me. My past will always pain me. After attending college only one semester at the age of 18 before dropping out, I scarcely left my home until last year. I feel, at once, much older and grayer than I am, and childishly underdeveloped. In many ways, my anxiety took my young adulthood away from me - but it couldn't take my life. I am proud to still be here, and to say that I have survived. Mental illness has slowed me down, but it hasn't stopped me yet. Mental illness, moreover, has changed my priorities in life. While I will retain my previous passions as invaluable personal pursuits, my sense of purpose now comes from actively helping others who have struggled as I have; as my family has, and as Elizabeth did. I am returning to school now, as a non-traditional student, in order to become a therapist. I am working first to efficiently earn my bachelor's degree, and then to continue on for a Master's in Counseling. Mental illness is feeling of lacking true love, from within and from without. It is an agony to which any human being is susceptible, and not one deserves. I strive now to make the small, but significant, personal differences we are all capable of making. To the people most alone, for whom help may seem hardest to find, I hope to offer my understanding, my care, and my boundless respect. Thank you very much for reading and considering my application.

As an aspiring future therapist, your family story and your societal reflections really resonated with me. My own experiences with mental health began in childhood; my personal journey with treatment began just after I graduated high school, in 2016. I suffer from a condition called avoidant personality disorder, entailing severe social anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts, among other challenges. I have been on the receiving end of eleven medications which had little or no beneficial effect, three therapists who found themselves unable to help me, and one partial hospitalization program at the exceedingly-understaffed SummitRidge Hospital facility in Athens, GA. I left the hospital early last year, feeling even more hopeless than before. When I was 17 years old, I promised myself that either I would be happy within a decade, or I would be gone on the day of my 27th birthday; I was nearly 26 when I left the hospital. I decided to look for another therapist, one more time - less with any expectation it might help, and more to have anyone to talk to, in what I supposed might have been the evening of my life. That therapist I chose has become one of the most important people in my life story. She is professional but personal, patient but persistent, inquisitive in the most meaningful ways, and extremely flexible to individual needs. In her kindness, I found the will to keep going - to keep facing my anxiety, to keep trying medical treatments (with, at last, some success), and to keep building my confidence. Earlier this year, my therapist told me something that almost instantly changed the course of my life. She told me that she thought I, too, would make a great therapist. It meant so much to me. I rarely have the confidence to take a compliment to heart - but this was different. If anyone could convince me of that - could really believe it themselves; could really express it in a way I trusted - it was her. Within a couple weeks, I decided to go back to school to become a therapist. I can do it, in spite of my struggles. I - and others like myself - need to do it, because of these struggles. Crowds and strangers are weaknesses of mine; but deep, thoughtful conversations with a friend are amongst my strengths. I want to specialize in helping people with severe anxiety and personality disorders - people whom others may find harder to help; people who are just like me. Particularly, I want to emphasize the development of a flexible therapeutic technique which incorporates a wide variety of tested strategies and new approaches, with the goal of encouraging holistic healthiness - how to feel better now, and how to feel better later. Carl Roger's humanistic perspective serves as a deeply-inspirational baseline (as do psychodynamic and gestalt therapeutic theories), to be augmented by an individualized combination of interactive approaches (potentially including exposure therapies, somatic therapies, cognitive control training, and roleplaying). In 2022, I created a YouTube channel dedicated to mental health awareness, my condition, and severe social anxiety (www.youtube.com/@JakeAvPD); in 2023, I self-published a book about the subject, entitled "It's a Shame I Can't Share: Living with Avoidant Personality Disorder". I also began a local peer support group, which has since moved online; I've written much more about that on my website, www.avoidendsnow.org. And soon, I intend to run a donation drive for Psychotropical Research - an organization dedicated to research and awareness about classical MAOI drugs, one of which has played a part in turning my life around. This organization, led by Dr. Ken Gillman, is working to instate such medications on the World Health Organization's List of Essential Medicines, with the goal of increasing global access to these invaluable treatments; I could not be prouder as I strive to support their efforts. I aim now to make a direct, personal impact, which I plan to achieve in my aspiration to become a therapist. I have been planning intensively to ensure my success in this endeavor. My first step was - rather than assuming that the strategies most useful for others will prove effective for me - to create a strategy that explicitly accounts for, and embraces, my neurodivergence. Before I can earn my Master's in Counseling, I must complete a bachelor's degree, and I plan to do so with exacting efficiency. I chose a major in Interdisciplinary Studies with a Psychology concentration, to make use of my existing areas of expertise in technology, while committing my full focus to gathering the new knowledge most relevant to my future career. Through self-study, I have taken (and scored well) on two Psychology CLEP exams, so that I can begin at a junior level. I am working to receive extra class credits through certification exams and prior learning assessments offered by my school, Middle Georgia State University. All credits accounted for, I intend to be in undergrad for 4 semesters, and graduate at the end of next summer - by which time I will have taken the GRE, and Psychology subject test, in order to aid my application to grad school. No one should ever have to feel alone, overlooked as the last shreds of hope slip away. We fight so hard to survive, to stick around, but depression always seems to fight harder. No matter how one may leave this life, we are all, in the end, exhausted - in body, mind, and soul. In my moment of truth, the only thing that truly stopped me from taking my own life was the fear of failure - in many ways, pure luck. For all those who fought so hard before me, I hope now to help those whose battles go on. Thank you for sharing your mom's story, and for taking the time to read my own.

My relationship with my own mom was the first aspect of my life to be shaped by mental health struggles. My mom grew up in an impoverished household. Her mother was hardly an adult when her first child was born, while her father was around two decades older. Mom and her sisters endured physical and emotional abuse, and simultaneous inattentive neglect - which lead to early addictions, including to alcohol. Mom has never really had the opportunity to invest in treatment, and has been left struggling with her ability to trust, and to healthily express her heavy emotions. In the aftermath of my parents' divorce, when I was seven years old, much of the burden of these emotional struggles fell on myself, my sister, and my brother. I never knew what to do to help. I always felt very guilty. She never trusted that we kids loved her; not as much as Dad. She was suspicious of our laughter and smiles amongst each other. This affected me greatly as I grew up. I developed a hypervigilance towards myself and others, taking immense care to make sure I never said or did "the wrong thing". It was exhausting, and depressing; I was too scared of people to have a chance to connect with them. Beginning in middle school, I avoided social interactions as much as possible; I felt pathetically incompetent at being a human. I had very little self-confidence, and every failure - real or perceived - went unforgiven and pushed me down further. Both of my parents were very impatient teachers; and, as I grew and began taking on new responsibilities, I bore their frustration and anger, yet rarely their appreciation. I began to hate myself: I felt I had no redeeming qualities. I was lazy, cold, dull, and without worth. Friendship seemed futile; deeper relationships seemed like a bad joke; life felt like a pointless pain, only to be endured - or prematurely ended. As a result of my environment, I had developed a condition called avoidant personality disorder. When, four years after graduating high school, I finally learned this truth about myself, I finally began to understand and forgive myself. I learned that what I want, and need, more than anything is genuine, deep connection; to know that someone I care very much about also cares about me. I learned that so much of the suffering in the world comes in cycles: it is true, as they say in the therapy world, that "hurt people hurt people". It does not have to be this way - and with real compassion extended at the right time, the cycle will end. Since my diagnosis with avoidant personality disorder in 2021, a year after I first discovered the condition, my outlook on everything has virtually inverted. So, too, have my aspirations. It was of great importance to me to find a way to share some of what I had learned - so, in 2022, I started a YouTube channel to spread awareness about my disorder, including symptoms, causes, treatment experiences, and hope. That channel, which I will plan to update for years to come, can be seen at www.youtube.com/@JakeAvPD. In 2023, I self-published the first book about my disorder to have been written by an author with the diagnosis, entitled "It's a Shame I Can't Share: Living with Avoidant Personality Disorder". I started a local peer support group, which eventually moved online, and which I have written more about on my website, www.avoidendsnow.org. Last year, after a near-decade of treatment, I finally found a medication that helps me, and an amazing therapist who fits me. Earlier this year, that therapist changed my life in what may be among its most meaningful moments: she told me she thought I would make a great therapist myself. It meant so much to me, and I took it to heart. A couple weeks later, I made up my mind to make it happen. I am going back to school starting this summer, at the age of 27, to become a therapist. I intend to get my bachelor's degree as efficiently as possible, and continue on to earn a Master's in Counseling. I want to specialize in helping people with severe anxiety and personality disorders. I want to share what I have learned in my own life - that we all deserve to love, others and ourselves; and that we all have that love within us. No one should feel alone, beyond the empathy of others, or out of reach of a helping hand. No one should have to live their lives in fear: of others; of themselves. Every human being has a time in their life when they are in need of help - and a time when their help is needed. All the wonder in the world is ours to share, if only we can pass it along. Without my own experiences with mental health, I might have never known. Thank you very much for reading and considering my application.

I'm Jake. I am returning to school in Georgia as a non-traditional student - first to complete a B.A. in Interdisciplinary Studies with a concentration in Psychology, then to earn a Master's in Counseling. My greatest passion now lies in psychotherapy, but that was not always the case. I knew at a very young age what my career would be - and it had very little do with psychology. I wanted to be a video game developer: game design was my passion, and programming was the skill I had been refining since the age of 11. Well, things rarely go just how we expect they will. It was around that same age that my mental health began to deteriorate. Social anxiety began to blossom in the stressful setting of middle school; by the age of 17, it had become truly debilitating, and thoughts of suicide had become ceaseless. I knew then that, in spite of my academic ability, I would not be able to complete college. I went anyway, because I was expected to. After one semester in CompSci at UGA, I dropped out. I had gradually stopped attending all of my classes; I rarely made it to the dining hall to eat; and I used the dorm showers exactly one time; all because of anxiety. After dropping out, I moved back in with my mom; and, for four years, it seemed that nothing could ever change for the better. I sought treatment: I tried medications for anxiety and depression, and I attended therapy. Nothing worked, and it seemed like it had to be my fault. I wasn't trying "hard enough" - yet, I was trying with everything I had. Medications did nothing; my parents and doctors kept asking if I was really taking them. Therapy didn't help; I already understood why my anxious, avoidant behaviors were maladaptive, and yet I had no idea how to change them. More than one therapist told me they knew they could help - even if it took ten years - before referring me away, mere months later. In 2020, under great personal and familial stress, I nearly broke. I planned to end my life with my mom's gun. At the moment of truth, only the fear of failure saved my life. I felt pathetic. I was hollow inside. It was as if I had already died. Not long after, the beginning of a breakthrough spontaneously occurred. I learned about a condition called avoidant personality disorder. It would come to change everything I understood about myself - who I was; why I was hurt; what I want and need; how to forgive myself, and how to keep going. I was diagnosed in 2021. In 2022, I began a YouTube channel to spread awareness and hope about my disorder (www.youtube.com/@JakeAvPD); in 2023, I self-published a book about my disorder, entitled "It's a Shame I Can't Share: Living with Avoidant Personality Disorder". I started a peer support group, which began locally before moving online (written about on www.avoidendsnow.org). Last year, after eleven medications with no effect, I finally found one that helps; and, after three previous therapists, I have found the one for me. It is she who helped me discover that I, too, want to be a therapist - and that I can do it. I intend to specialize in helping people with severe anxiety and personality disorders: to help show them their own strength; to help them find, and share, love, within and without. I have a plan; I have a passion, and I will persevere. Thank you for reading and considering my application.

Perseverance, I have discovered, is not something one either exemplifies, or does not; this lesson has been one of the hardest-learned for me. In my lifelong battle with social anxiety and depression, I have given up many times. From quitting my first job in high school, to abandoning passionate creative endeavors; from forsaking so many opportunities to make new friends, to falling out of contact with the friends I had; from dropping out of my first attempt at college when I was 18, to dropping out of my first attempt at therapy when I was 20 - I have known what it means to give up. When I was 22, I got very close to giving up for good. I decided when, and how, I would die. I found where my mom had hidden each part of her gun. I waited for her to leave, and I prepared to kill myself. Only the fear of failure stopped me from what would have likely ended in success. And, only now am I able to fully absorb the irony in that sentence. It has never been anything but a fear of failure that has held me back from success. I survived; and, gradually, I have begun to grow. I have finally found a medication that helps some, and a therapist who helps a lot. It is that very therapist who, through her kind and earnest discernment, convinced me that, I, too, could make a great therapist. That, now, is my goal. I am returning to college as a non-traditional student to achieve my bachelor's degree, and then to earn my Master's in Counseling. I want to specialize in helping people with severe anxiety and personality disorders, as I have been diagnosed as having myself. This time, I am prepared. My anxiety is by no means gone, nor my depression. But, nearly 27 now, I know myself at last. I know what I want to do, and why - and how I am going to do it. This time, I will be attending school the way that works for me: the classes I want to take, the living situation I need to thrive, and the knowledge I need to do this at my own pace. In spite of academic success, school presents a huge challenge to me, and to my mental health; and for me, the right way to handle it is to execute on a thorough plan with exacting efficiency. Writing this essay has provided me with an opportunity to remind myself - the simple fact that I am still here today is the truest testament to my perseverance. Yet, it will never be the only evidence. In that strangest of ways, my mental health is to thank for where I am going next, and perhaps for the greatest impact I may have in this world. My goal is to become a therapist, and I intend to persevere. Thank you very much for reading and considering my application.

My mental health has been an obstacle in my education since middle school; my first attempt at going to college, right after high school, was a short-lived single semester. I didn't suppose I would ever make another attempt - my anxiety has been largely disabling in my ability to socialize and even work. How could I finish a degree program, and why would I want to? It's been nine years since I graduated high school. I've been in treatment, on and off, ever since. Things first began to turn around five years ago, when I learned about a condition called avoidant personality disorder; and in the last year, I've made immense progress. I finally found a medication that helps me, and an amazing therapist who is a perfect fit for me. Since learning about AvPD, advocacy about my condition and anxiety in general has become a big part of my life. In 2022, I started a YouTube channel with the goal of helping others learn about a disorder they may not realize they (or a loved one) have: its symptoms, my experiences in treatment, and all the hope I have at any given time. You can see it at www.youtube.com/@JakeAvPD. In 2023, I self-published a book entitled "It's a Shame I Can't Share: Living with Avoidant Personality Disorder" - the first book on the condition written by someone who lives with it. I also started a local peer support group for anxious people, and while the local group was difficult to sustain, it lives on through our online Discord group. Information about these groups is available at www.avoidendsnow.org. Even then, I remained unsure of my life trajectory, and myself. In spite of the many creative ventures I've long engaged in, it still felt hard to know what I could do that would be worth doing - worth sharing - and that would bring me personal fulfillment and happiness. Then, not long ago, my therapist said something that really affected me: she told me she thought I would make a good therapist myself. It meant so much to me, for many reasons, but most of all because I realized that she might be right. Within just a couple weeks, I made up my mind. I am going back to school - first for my bachelor's, then to earn a Master's in Counseling. Anxiety and depression remain significant struggles for me, and probably always will; yet now, I have the strength to move forward. Moreover, I have a much better plan this time. I'm not fresh out of high school any longer; I'll be 27 by the time my summer semester starts. I'm not living in a dorm this time, stressing about how I'm going to get a shower, and deciding whether or not I can manage to go to the dining hall to eat. I know exactly what I'm doing academically, and more importantly, I know why. Through past AP scores, current CLEP exams, earning extra credits early through certifications and prior learning assessments, and prepping to take the GRE & Psychology subject test ahead of time - I'm not going in blind and without hope. I'm working hard to complete my bachelor's degree as efficiently as possible, and to proceed immediately to grad school, and licensure as a therapist. Nothing has altered my path in life more than my mental health, and the mental health of others I've known and cared about. Many moments of this have been very hard - but this, at last, feels very right. Thank you for reading and considering my application.

I was eleven years old when I began learning to code - I was going to be a video game developer. I was also eleven years old when my social anxiety began showing itself in a big way. I had no idea how to make friends in the middle school world of cliques, where I learned the power of a poor first impression. I was completely unprepared for puberty; each crush I had made me feel like a creep. I had no self-confidence, and felt I failed to reach every expectation others had of me. My anxiety only increased throughout high school. I became depressed by the age of 14, and had reoccurring suicidal thoughts by the age of 17. In spite of good academic performance, everything about life felt insurmountable. I went to college for one semester, simply because I was expected to; I could hardly attend classes for the anxiety, and at the end of the semester, I dropped out. I started taking medications when I was 18, and I first went to therapy two years later. Nothing clicked. I felt like I must be doing something "wrong" in treatment; my therapists were so sure they could help me, right up until they referred me to someone else. I was at my lowest in 2020, crushed by the guilt of a stressful family situation I felt powerless to do anything about, on top of my own mental health. Then, through my own research, I learned about a condition called avoidant personality disorder. Finally, something clicked. I began to understand myself: to think deeply about what I really wanted, and to forgive myself. I was diagnosed with AvPD in 2021. Progress has been slow and not always steady since then - but last year, I finally found a medication that helps me, and a wonderful therapist, finally, who fits me. It has been with the help of that therapist that I've realized that I, too, want to be a therapist - and, even as someone with a personality disorder, I can do it. I thrive in deep, personal interactions. I greatly value my ability to understand others; to empathize; and to compassionately care. I want to help others with severe anxiety and personality disorders to find their inner strength, and to move past the years of pain. For the first time in a long time, I feel confident in my ability to achieve this goal. I know I have the passion; since 2022, I have worked to spread awareness about my disorder through my YouTube channel, www.youtube.com/@JakeAvPD. And, in 2023, I had the honor of publishing the first book about my condition written by an author diagnosed with it - entitled "It's a Shame I Can't Share: Living with Avoidant Personality Disorder". I have the academic ability: with the help of my AP scores, CLEP exams, and additional credits I am working to earn through certifications and prior learning assessments, I am working very hard to complete my bachelor's degree as efficiently as possible, and proceed to earn my Master's in Counseling. Finally, I have the heart to help. It is a drive I now know I possess, and cannot ignore. All people - neurotypical people, as well as people like me, and people like Daniel - have great intrinsic value and worth. We are deserving of love and happiness, and we are capable of spreading and sharing it. Sometimes, we just need someone that cares enough to remind us. I can't wait to extend my hand and help. Thank you very much for reading and considering my application.

I know firsthand how critical it is that those with mental health struggles receive compassionate care from others - and how hard it can feel to find that help when you're struggling. In 2021, my longtime symptoms of severe social anxiety and depression were diagnosed as avoidant personality disorder. I spent the next year in self-discovery; and in 2022, I started a YouTube channel (www.youtube.com/@JakeAvPD) with the goal of spreading awareness about the disorder, its symptoms, and my experiences with treatment. It made such a difference to me just to know I wasn't alone in how I'd felt about myself for so long, and it seemed only fair to share my newfound sliver of hope with others who had suffered alone. Later that year, I began to write a book. It began as a memoir of my life, from the innocence of early childhood to the pain that followed - and the hope that eventually arose again. It came to feature chapters of clinical description, modest advice for fellow sufferers, and insights for those who know (or may come to know) and love someone with my disorder. The book, entitled "It's a Shame I Can't Share: Living with Avoidant Personality Disorder", was the first written about the disorder by someone who has it, and was self-published on Amazon in 2023. I provide digital copies for free upon request. I have continued to explore ways to help. I organized and led a local peer support group for adults with social anxiety; and, though the local group ended up being short-run, it was able to live on in the form of an online Discord group. Information about each of these efforts is available through the website I created, www.avoidendsnow.org. Soon, I plan to run a donation drive for Psychotropical Research, an organization which provides invaluable information about the life-changing MAOI drugs - an organization which played a role in saving my life. I am returning to undergrad as a non-traditional student to eventually earn a Master's in Counseling. I aim to become a therapist, specializing in the treatment of severe anxiety and personality disorders. Every human being deserves thoughtful, personal support and connection. For some of us, that can be very hard to find. Through my future career as a therapist, I intend to play my own small part in being there for others. Thank you for reading and considering my application.