After highschool, I plan to go into college and get a phD. This phD will hopefully be in a field involving biology, marine biology, or animal sciences. My love for animals, along with an especially significant experience in high school with my biology classes (Honors and AP), have inspired me to pursue Marine and General Biology in college. For my sophomore and junior years of highschool, taking Honors and then AP Biology, respectively, I had one particular teacher who inspired me greatly. His teaching style fit my thought process perfectly, the class was just rigorous enough to push me without reaching a breaking point, and his passion and effort in his work made me remember how much passion I had for the subject as well. I've had a great fascination about the biological world around me ever since I was a child. Every day on my iPad, the one with a little chunk of the screen shattered off, I would watch educational videos and shows about animal biology. Octonauts, Wild Kratts, Ted Ed, anything of the like- I was entranced. I think this was the only reason why my mom never had much of an issue with my fixation to the device; she figured- at least it’s learning, right? And right she was. I fell in love with the subject, but in the midst of pressure to find a ‘real job’- a ‘useful’ field of study to get a degree from, I lost sight of my love for biological sciences. I’ve now reunited with it, and don’t plan on losing it any time soon. My teacher has not only inspired me to pursue biology, but to pursue a Doctorate degree as well. He has a Doctorate himself, and his experiences he spoke of and the knowledge he knew act as an inspiration to me. I hope to have a wide range of experiences and opportunities through my education beyond high school, and achieve a level of knowledge of natural work near, or even beyond. And, between you and me, I have another niche, somewhat humorous reason for wanting a Doctorate. In the far future, maybe beyond my fifties, I hope to become a teacher or professor to inspire the younger generations the way I was. I did think of one problem though: I identify as Non-binary, and have struggled a lot thinking about what honorifics I would use. "Mrs."? "Mx."? However, if I just get a Doctorate, everyone can just use "Dr.", which doesn't change between people who identify as female or male! I can make a dream into a convenience as well. With my college education, I hope to make a difference in the world- no matter the magnitude. Whether it be lab work that progresses a scientific breakthrough, field work, or inspiring the new generation of kids in the way that I was, I will be satisfied with my effect on the world, but always striving for more.

Even before the beginning of my Theater\Drama career, I knew of an unspoken rule: you only get leads if you’re white. If the character doesn’t specifically call for a POC (which was usually a racist stereotype), you don’t fit the director’s ‘vision’, and to the bottom of the cast list you’re sent. At the same time, I was experiencing a rut in my passion. I was rarely regarded as a choice for lead roles and solos. Every show I did, whether it be a play, musical, cabaret, or even solo opportunities within the choir turned up with nothing. The Theater world has a strange culture. Your friends will claim that you don’t receive lead roles at no fault of your own, but of the director’s vision. They claim that you’re an exceptional actor, singer, dancer, and that, “You’ll get your spotlight one day”. What I didn’t hear very often is how painful it is to wait, when waiting is all you can do. Show after show, I watched my friends shine bright on stage from the wings, feeling a sense of bittersweet: pride and awe, but also FOMO (fear of missing out) that became crippling. I began to spiral into a depression whenever I thought about theater. Rehearsals that I once looked forward to, now reminded and deepened my doubt in my own abilities. I began to lose my passion for what I love. In my mind, I was never going to find it, that place in the sky where everything I did felt right, just for me. With a reluctant confession that I had poor judgment, a friend of mine convinced me to audition for the WTTC’s summer production, Pippin. A story about a young man trying to find his “corner of the sky” after graduating from university. He tries war, sex, politics, killing his dad to become king, and finally- humble life, alongside a widow and her son. He finds this life boring and attempts to run away, but ultimately realizes that a good life is not classified by a hungry pursuit for greatness that eventually kills you, but instead an environment that keeps you alive and makes you feel it. Playing Pippin was a pivotal point in building my sense of self. By acting the role, I learned what he learned: perfection does not exist, and using it as a goal is unrealistic and inevitably, self-destructive. Not only did the reassurance and praise of my performance comfort a bruised part of my soul, but I had broken through that unspoken rule. After performing, I had multiple family members, especially those who had dealt with that unjust rule, tell me how my performance broke through that idea that had once held them back as well. I hope that I had the same effect on the children in the audience. I hope that by watching a role historically only played by white men, being played by an Asian woman, they learn that they have the ability to break through stigmas in a way that I wish I had learned earlier.

I would like to start with talking not about myself, but my family. My family immigrated from Malaysia, but my mom tells me we are ethnically, and fully Chinese. I'm not sure how much I believe her, since she's mentioned that we might have some Indonesian, because we tan easily(?). The main aspect of my childhood that I think has stuck with me the most, and I've even written about before, is my mom's dedication to raising my older sister and I as strong, independent women. In fact, the main reason why my mom immigrated to America was to distance herself from the traditional beliefs of my father's family. They believed that women belonged in the kitchen, should be housewives, and bear children for their husbands; the general stereotypes and harmful expectations that are forced onto women. This way, she had the freedom to raise her kids with the ideas that aligned with hers, and that she did. Growing up, my mom taught my sister and I to not depend on men, that many of them had alternate motives, and to always prioritize ourselves over any man. Consequently, my family life reflects this. My mother and father do not love each other. Alongside the cultural taboos around communicating emotions in a healthy way that prevent them from clearing misunderstandings, they simply do not get along as people. This makes my family life quite difficult; not in an abusive sense, but that the general environment is just- unpleasant. I find comfort in my two cats. My love for animals, along with an especially significant experience in high school with my biology classes (Honors and AP), have inspired me to pursue Marine and General Biology in college. In my free time, I enjoy string crafts: embroidery, crochet, sewing, etc. It seems the longer I live, the more hobbies that are added to my repertoire. It also seems that once I get into a hobby, I lose all my free time to my extracurriculars. I participate in my school's marching band, theater, and choir programs. Even as I don't plan on pursuing music as a career, I will always hold it close to my heart. I aim to find small, local theater groups, join a choir in my college, or simply sing with my friends at parties. I never want to lose that part of myself. Along with what I mentioned previously about my biology teacher, I've also drawn inspiration and passion from a childhood fascination about the biological world around me. Every day on my iPad, the one with a little chunk of the screen shattered off , I watched educational videos and shows about animal biology. Octonauts, Wild Kratts, Ted Ed, I was entranced. I think this was the only reason why my mom never had much of an issue with my fixation to the device; she figured- at least it’s learning, right? And right she was. I fell in love with the subject, but in the midst of pressure to find a ‘real job’- a ‘useful’ field of study to get a degree from, I lost sight of my love. I’ve now reunited with it, and don’t plan on losing it any time soon. With my college education, I hope to make a difference in the world- no matter the magnitude. Whether it be lab work that progresses a scientific breakthrough, field work, or inspiring the new generation of kids in the way that I was, I will be satisfied with my effect on the world, but always striving for more.

1. I'd like to promise to myself that I will always respect my own limits, no matter the coercion I'm faced or the offers I'm given. This scholarship, and all scholarships or forms of financial aid fit this image, as money allows for choice. Having more money allows you to choose a better university to attend, chose to leave a job that is exploiting you, or choose to take breaks\vacations. This is an unfortunate truth, but a truth nonetheless. Another unfortunate truth is that people of marginalized groups have more difficulty with finding jobs and peaceful work environments. Racism, microaggressions, and lack of action from higher-ups are all examples of obstacles that people of color may face in the workplace; I face these obstacles even within my schools. By gaining this scholarship, I will be able to go through my higher education without the worry of finances holding me back. This will allow me to reach those jobs with unsafe environments, reach the level of higher-up that is meant to deal with these issues, and truly speak out and make a change in the workplaces I touch. 2. I will always remember, respect, and give credit to those who have helped me to where I am now. Growing up in a first generation, immigrant family where only my father worked and could only find minimum wage restaurant jobs, we were quite poor. This gave me a different perspective as a child, causing me to become hyper-aware of my spending, my family's spendings, and the difference between the spending of my friends and I. I was, and always will be aware of all that they've done for me, both financially and not. This is the reason why I am applying for this scholarship. With all of the effort that my family has put into me to make sure we are financially stable, I want to do this for them, so my higher education will be as little of a burden on my family as possible. 3. I will allow myself to feel joy, putting my effort towards happiness instead of self-destruction. Many immigrant families will say that they do not have the chance to connect with their families- whether it be because of language barriers, cultural differences, or the taboo of communicating emotions. I can proudly say that despite these, my family still managed to teach me their own ways of thinking that challenged the typical ideas they were taught back home. Along with my battle with mental health, I have learned and been taught to dedicate my energy and effort towards things and people that will pave a good future for future me, instead of wasting my time sulking and entertaining people who don't work with me. I connect this back to applying for scholarships, as it is not an easy process- neither is college application in general. However, I will still put my energy towards this, as I know the aid I receive from scholarships and the preparations I make for college will make the finances of college less worrisome.