Triggers are events that have traumatic effects on our brain development. Sometimes trauma can change brain development and cause inappropriate reactions to stimuli that are perceived to be dangerous. When in fact triggers are emotional responses to past trauma that the brain thinks are reoccurring. As a veteran with PTSD, I have volunteered my time to help other veterans understand their traumas and how to cope with triggers. My avenue to help them is through Equine Therapy. Horses have a calming effect on humans. Learning breathing techniques that center our emotional responses to a healthy place of inner peace. Coming to terms with our past and not letting those traumas dictate our responses in the present. One technique I have found so helpful is the breathing technique. I laid my arms over the back of the horse and breathed in sync with the horse. Sometimes their heartbeat will match mine. It's a centering, relaxing feeling, focused only on breathing with the horse. The horse is so relaxed, that it lowers its head and falls asleep! When I've experienced circumstances that cause me to react in a manner that I have the fight or flight response, I have this relaxation technique that I can use to calm myself. To center my emotions and feelings, and not react inappropriately. Usually, my response is based on stimuli that I have perceived as harmful or hurtful. This also affects my inability to trust, and I then assume the worst. In the "healing" process of my past traumas, I have been in counseling all my life and feel the need to have someone tell me "I'm okay." Journalling my life events has also helped me revisit the events in my life that have shaped my brain development. Writing a story of these events has helped me to understand and realize many of the events that involved trauma in my life were at the hands of people who should have loved and protected me. The moment one realizes that those inflicting the trauma also have trauma in their lives and do not have the necessary tools to nurture but continue the cycle of dysfunction and abuse. It is a personal goal not to allow my trauma to spill over to my children, but to find alternative methods of interacting with my children and others in my life I’m learning to trust that those in my inner circle are not out to get me. I agree that there is a mental health crisis in our society that can be improved through understanding, training, and governmental assistance. Our nation can provide housing, food, clothing, and therapy to all those who require these needs. Without going into the politics of it all, there are funds available to help all American citizens who need help to survive. Be it a home, a job, a car, a doctor, a life coach, or drug and/or alcohol detox, we as a nation should focus on healing those who are downtrodden. No one in America should be homeless, hungry, or lacking medical care. Suicide in our culture is an epidemic, our children use this method as an escape, and veterans use suicide, I believe out of frustration because of the lack of compassion for their suffering; due to health issues, mental and emotional conditions, the poor health system of the Veterans Administration. Another aspect of emotional health is how someone learns to confront and assess their trauma. Some use religion, some turn to drugs and alcohol, some don’t do anything at all. In my quest for answers as to why I am the way I am. First, I tried religion. Studying with as many different beliefs as I could find. This process took years and after reading the Bible and re-reading the Bible my conclusions were that religion is a man-made belief system. The constraints that religion places on believers are not Godly, in my eyes. The Bible teaches us that God is a loving God, beyond our comprehension, so how can we be judged based on what we are being told to believe, when it may be wrong? Therefore, after deciding that religion isn’t about going to church and giving money. It’s about treating others with love and respect and being humble and kind. At a minimum I believe that the trauma I suffered wasn’t my fault, but those who operate from a dysfunctional status and demand that others conform. All I learned is that we all believe differently and that the trauma I suffered wasn’t from God as punishment. My findings didn’t help me figure out why I was so insecure and had no self-esteem or self-worth. Once I enrolled in college I majored in Psychology, again to find answers to my self-loathing. It was difficult for me to understand how my dysfunctional childhood created the person I am. My emotional mental health was shattered, and I allowed anyone to abuse me, because that was the only script I knew, and I felt I did not deserve any better. Only one therapist taught me that, maybe it wasn’t me. The love I sought from my parents was never going to happen, because they didn’t know how to love. She told me that I could just love myself. I could provide the nurturing, loving caring protective person in myself. Her insight changed my life, too bad I was in my 50s when this revelation came to light. Unfortunately, because of my background, I continue to be attracted to emotionally unavailable men. I have come to recognize that the lack of a loving protective father kept me seeking to fill that emptiness, but I never could because I’ve only been with men who have used me, abused me, or rejected me. It’s like a self-fulfilling prophecy. Men who recognize my “daddy issues” either take advantage of me or reject me. I desire to help other men and women learn to trust and believe in themselves. To give back all that I have experienced and learned and hopefully help them learn to love themselves. In my first session working with horses, my volunteer aide showed me how to groom the horse and learn the body language of the horse. When the horse's head is up and the ears are erect, they are either alarmed, alert, or showing that they aren't comfortable and need time and patience. My aide told me to walk behind the horse, but she did not follow me. She told me she was afraid of getting kicked. So, I walked in front of her, with my hand on the horse's rump, and told her to stay behind me with her hand on the horse's rump as well. Walking very close around the back of the horse I showed her if the horse knows where you are and isn't startled it won't kick. As we walked around to the other side of the horse, I asked her if she had trust issues. She said yes. We performed other trust exercises and I believe because I showed her that I wasn't afraid of the horse or her, it helped her to trust me. Equine Therapy has been a godsend to me, working with the horses, learning their personalities, and learning patience for them when teaching them new skills. Reading their body language and learning to be gentle and not forceful or demanding. Patient repetition and remaining calm while they learn have helped me learn to be patient with myself and other people. In my search for answers, I hope to help others find their way, sooner than I did, to find a happy place in their lives outside of their trauma. Sometimes I find that I can read people's feelings just by looking at them. Maybe I'm empathic, or just recognize the look of hurt and pain and don't want to add to their trauma but just be compassionate. My inspiration for helping others is because I know the pain of emotional trauma, and I hope to help those who have been traumatized learn to not let their pain rule their future. Helping others to find ways of healing and moving forward and not staying in their trauma. Hopefully to enjoy fulfilling relationships, and life, make healthy choices, seek advice and even be a great therapist! With my degree, I would like to help other veterans who suffer from PTSD. Helping them learn coping skills to appropriately react to triggers that stimulate their fight or flight response. Also, it provides avenues to redirect their emotional responses such as sharing their feelings, refocusing, redirecting, journaling, and learning to trust. In conclusion, I believe I have so much to offer to those who suffer emotional pain, guiding them to a peaceful existence. I hope to help others not take life events, and circumstances so personally to not assume the worst. To have love and patience with oneself, to do their best, and to be okay with themselves. Another aspect is learning to speak with impeccable words, not gossip, and cleaning up their vocabulary. My love language is service to others, and with my advanced degree, I pray I'm able to use that education to be of assistance to others' healing and growth. Thank you for your time and consideration. Christiana Leal