My name is Carter Gillman. On April 20th, 2017, I lost my dad, from a self-inflicted gunshot wound. The tragedy left my family feeling powerless and lost in a world full of ignorance and judgment about our situation. I was 13. My sister was 20. We went from what was already a stressful home to one utterly shattered by loss and grief. We faced the uncomfortable stares and answered questions children should never have to answer. As a 13 year old boy, I didn’t know how to work through the emotions and anger. Once we finally found Dr. Brian Fidler, things started to look a little less dim than they had in the last year. I have had 2 trips to the emergency room to stop me from harming myself since 2017. One was a couple of months after I graduated high school. I had turned 18, graduated from high school and my sister moved out of the house. I needed my Dad, and felt adrift. I spent around 36 hours in the hospital the first time. The most recent was in March of 2024, I was once again feeling hopeless. I told my Mom I needed help. The next day she took me to Urgent Care for mental health, and I was involuntarily admitted for a 72 hour hold for my safety. My time there was miserable, but it helped me gain focus for what I want in life. I want to live, and thrive. I have learned to rely heavily on my therapy and the support of my loved ones. Part of that decision is that I have revisited a goal I had in the months right after Dad died. I felt a calling to help others who are hurting. I am passionate about music, as well, and have taught myself to play guitar the last couple of years. So I hope to incorporate music in my therapy someday. The first step was overcoming my own doubt, in both my ability to succeed as well as my doubt in a happy future for myself. I determined I CAN be successful, and my success could mean help for others. The help that a scholarship would afford me would be instrumental in helping me complete my degree. My hope is that it would help whoever I am able to counsel someday. That kind of positive snowball effect would be a very redemptive end for the story of my life, and my Dad’s. I have survived and learned there is light where there was once complete darkness. In the absence of an instruction manual, I want to help broken people-especially children and teens-learn how to live in the light again.

My name is Carter Gillman. On April 20th, 2017, I lost my dad, from a self-inflicted gunshot wound. The tragedy left my family feeling powerless and lost in a world full of ignorance and judgment about our situation. I was 13. My sister was 20. We went from what was already a stressful home to one utterly shattered by loss and grief. We faced the uncomfortable stares and answered questions children should never have to answer. As a 13 year old boy, I didn’t know how to work through the emotions and anger. Once we finally found Dr. Brian Fidler, things started to look a little less dim than they had in the last year. I have had 2 trips to the emergency room to stop me from harming myself since 2017. One was a couple of months after I graduated high school. I had turned 18, graduated from high school and my sister moved out of the house. I needed my Dad, and felt adrift. I spent around 36 hours in the hospital the first time. The most recent was in March of 2024, I was once again feeling hopeless. I told my Mom I needed help. The next day she took me to Urgent Care for mental health, and I was involuntarily admitted for a 72 hour hold for my safety. My time there was miserable, but it helped me gain focus for what I want in life. I want to live, and thrive. I have learned to rely heavily on my therapy and the support of my loved ones. Part of that decision is that I have revisited a goal I had in the months right after Dad died. I felt a calling to help others who are hurting. I am passionate about music, as well, and have taught myself to play guitar the last couple of years. So I hope to incorporate music in my therapy someday. The first step was overcoming my own doubt, in both my ability to succeed as well as my doubt in a happy future for myself. I determined I CAN be successful, and my success could mean help for others. The help that a scholarship would afford me would be instrumental in helping me complete my degree. My hope is that it would help whoever I am able to counsel someday. That kind of positive snowball effect would be a very redemptive end for the story of my life, and my Dad’s. I have survived and learned there is light where there was once complete darkness. In the absence of an instruction manual, I want to help broken people-especially children and teens-learn how to live in the light again.

My name is Carter Gillman. On April 20th, 2017, I lost my dad, from a self-inflicted gunshot wound. The tragedy left my family feeling powerless and lost in a world full of ignorance and judgment about our situation. I was 13. My sister was 20. We went from what was already a stressful home to one utterly shattered by loss and grief. We faced the uncomfortable stares and answered questions children should never have to answer. As a 13 year old boy, I didn’t know how to work through the emotions and anger. Once we finally found Dr. Brian Fidler, things started to look a little less dim than they had in the last year. I have had 2 trips to the emergency room to stop me from harming myself since 2017. One was a couple of months after I graduated high school. I had turned 18, graduated from high school and my sister moved out of the house. I needed my Dad, and felt adrift. I spent around 36 hours in the hospital the first time. The most recent was in March of 2024, I was once again feeling hopeless. I told my Mom I needed help. The next day she took me to Urgent Care for mental health, and I was involuntarily admitted for a 72 hour hold for my safety. My time there was miserable, but it helped me gain focus for what I want in life. I want to live, and thrive. I have learned to rely heavily on my therapy and the support of my loved ones. Part of that decision is that I have revisited a goal I had in the months right after Dad died. I felt a calling to help others who are hurting. I am passionate about music, as well, and have taught myself to play guitar the last couple of years. So I hope to incorporate music in my therapy someday. The first step was overcoming my own doubt, in both my ability to succeed as well as my doubt in a happy future for myself. I determined I CAN be successful, and my success could mean help for others. The help that a scholarship would afford me would be instrumental in helping me complete my degree. My hope is that it would help whoever I am able to counsel someday. That kind of positive snowball effect would be a very redemptive end for the story of my life, and my Dad’s. I have survived and learned there is light where there was once complete darkness. In the absence of an instruction manual, I want to help broken people-especially children and teens-learn how to live in the light again.

Instruction manuals are fantastic. In fact, in some cases, they are essential to success. Our appliances come with them, and most of our electronics do, too. I wouldn’t be able to cook a lot of things without instructions. But when it came to the time in my life when I really needed instructions and guidance, I realized there is no instruction manual for surviving suicide. My name is Carter Gillman, and on April 20th, 2017, my family experienced the tragic loss of my dad, from a self-inflicted gunshot wound. The tragedy left my family feeling powerless and lost in a world full of ignorance and judgment about our situation. I was 13. My sister was 20. We went from what was already a stressful home to one utterly shattered by loss and grief. The reality took months to set in, but most of the changes in our lives were immediate. We just faced them through a fog of grief and honestly, denial. I also felt anger, but as a 13 year old boy, I didn’t know how to work through that. Instead, I stored a lot of my grief and the scary feelings inside. My Mom and sister were hurting, too, and I felt like I should help; not add to the troubles we were facing. It took trial and error, along with a lot of patience through 2017 and 2018 as we looked for a therapist. My sister and I didn’t have a counselor, and Mom was determined that was necessary. Once we finally found our home with Dr. Brian Fidler, things started to look a little less dim than they had in the last year. I had crippling panic attacks and physically couldn’t move out of bed many days. When the time came, I felt like I was ready for 9th grade, but that year ended up being traumatic at school and I ultimately went to virtual classes from 10th grade through the end of High School. I developed a significant case of doubt in my ability to do “normal” things. The self-doubt and underlying grief came out in full force when I had been out of High School for two and a half months. I had my Mom drive me to the Emergency Room because I had a plan to take my own life. That trip ended up being just over 24 hours, and Mom got me back into my counselor’s office. After some time, I felt like I could manage, and funds were low to pay for visits. So I stopped going again. Then in March of 2024, I was once again feeling hopeless and had thoughts that scared me. Late one night, I had my Mom change the combinations on our home safe, and remove all the sharp things from my bedroom. The next day Mom took me to Urgent Care for mental health, and I was involuntarily admitted for a 72 hour hold for my safety. My time there was miserable, but it helped me gain focus for what I want in life. Mainly, I wanted to live. And I decided I wanted to be healthy and thrive. We again contacted my counselor, and I have been seeing him again. It is still a struggle to pay for visits, but my Mom makes it a priority and makes it possible for me. Part of that decision to thrive is to revisit a goal I began to develop in the months right after Dad died. I feel a strong desire to help others who are hurting. I am passionate about music, as well, specifically the guitar. I hope to incorporate music in my therapy someday. Due to some of my mental and emotional health struggles, it wasn’t possible for me to work full time. I plan to work either on campus or at the Boys and Girls Club part time as I work on my degree. The help that a scholarship would afford me would be instrumental in helping me complete my degree. My hope is that it would help whoever I am able to counsel someday. That kind of snowball effect would be a very redemptive end for the story of my life, and my Dad’s. The National Institute of Health states that suicide survivors have a high risk of complicated grief; the conflicting emotions and prolonged feelings of loss my family has encountered is evidence of that. I’ve explained quite a lot of what my family has faced; of course it’s just a portion of the trauma and pain we have battled. Most of it has roots in my dad’s past. He suffered immense childhood trauma in several forms. Verbal, emotional and even physical/sexual abuse were part of his life. Immediate family members were his abusers, and he never felt safe getting help. That weighs heavily in my desire to help others-especially children. If someone had been able to help and intervene in his life, perhaps my family would still be whole. Maybe the hurt inflicted on all of us, both before he died and after, would never have happened. Without therapy, we wouldn’t have healed and made the progress toward living again that we have. I am asking you to consider contributing to my journey so I can implement my past trauma to embrace those in need. I believe that the use of therapy as a tool for healing for mental health benefits both the psychologists and clients. I plan on doing just that, helping clients who feel hopeless in the future, so I can show them it’s possible to see the light once again. I may not have had an instruction manual, but I have walked the path. I have survived and learned there is light where there was once complete darkness. In the absence of an instruction manual, I want to help broken people-especially children and teens-learn how to live in the light again.

Instruction manuals are fantastic. In fact, in some cases, they are essential to success. Our appliances come with them, and most of our electronics do, too. I wouldn’t be able to cook a lot of things without instructions. But when it came to the time in my life when I really needed instructions and guidance, I realized the sad reality is, there is no instruction manual for surviving suicide. My name is Carter Gillman. On April 20th, 2017, I lost my dad, from a self-inflicted gunshot wound. The tragedy left my family feeling powerless and lost in a world full of ignorance and judgment about our situation. I was 13. We went from what was already a stressful home to one utterly shattered by loss and grief. As a 13 year old boy, I didn’t know how to work through the emotions. Once we found Dr. Brian Fidler, things started to look a little less dim than they had in the last year. I have had 2 trips to the emergency room to stop me from harming myself. The most recent was in March of 2024, I was once again feeling hopeless. I told my Mom I needed help. The next day she took me to Urgent Care for mental health, and I was involuntarily admitted for a 72 hour hold for my safety. My time there was miserable, but it helped me gain focus for what I want in life. I want to live, and thrive. Part of that decision is that I have revisited a goal I had in the months right after Dad died. I felt a calling to help others who are hurting. I am passionate about music, as well, so I hope to incorporate music in my therapy someday. I am determined I CAN be successful, and my success could mean help for others. The help that a scholarship would afford me would be instrumental in helping me complete my degree. My hope is that it would help whoever I am able to counsel someday. That kind of snowball effect would be a very redemptive end for the story of my life, and my Dad’s. I have survived and learned there is light where there was once complete darkness. In the absence of an instruction manual, I want to help broken people-especially children and teens-learn how to live in the light again.

Instruction manuals are fantastic. In fact, in some cases, they are essential to success. Our appliances come with them, and most of our electronics do, too. I wouldn’t be able to cook a lot of things without instructions. But when it came to the time in my life when I really needed instructions and guidance, I realized there is no instruction manual for surviving suicide. My name is Carter Gillman, and on April 20th, 2017, my family experienced the tragic loss of my dad, from a self-inflicted gunshot wound. The tragedy left my family feeling powerless and lost in a world full of ignorance and judgment about our situation. I was 13. My sister was 20. We went from what was already a stressful home to one utterly shattered by loss and grief. The reality took months to set in, but most of the changes in our lives were immediate. We just faced them through a fog of grief and honestly, denial. I also felt anger, but as a 13 year old boy, I didn’t know how to work through that. Instead, I stored a lot of my grief and the scary feelings inside. My Mom and sister were hurting, too, and I felt like I should help; not add to the troubles we were facing. It took trial and error, along with a lot of patience through 2017 and 2018 as we looked for a therapist. My sister and I didn’t have a counselor, and Mom was determined that was necessary. Once we finally found our home with Dr. Brian Fidler, things started to look a little less dim than they had in the last year. I had crippling panic attacks and physically couldn’t move out of bed many days. When the time came, I felt like I was ready for 9th grade, but that year ended up being traumatic at school and I ultimately went to virtual classes from 10th grade through the end of High School. I developed a significant case of doubt in my ability to do “normal” things. The self-doubt and underlying grief came out in full force when I had been out of High School for two and a half months. I had my Mom drive me to the Emergency Room because I had a plan to take my own life. That trip ended up being just over 24 hours, and Mom got me back into my counselor’s office. After some time, I felt like I could manage, and funds were low to pay for visits. So I stopped going again. Then in March of 2024, I was once again feeling hopeless and had thoughts that scared me. Late one night, I had my Mom change the combinations on our home safe, and remove all the sharp things from my bedroom. The next day Mom took me to Urgent Care for mental health, and I was involuntarily admitted for a 72 hour hold for my safety. My time there was miserable, but it helped me gain focus for what I want in life. Mainly, I wanted to live. And I decided I wanted to be healthy and thrive. We again contacted my counselor, and I have been seeing him again. It is still a struggle to pay for visits, but my Mom makes it a priority and makes it possible for me. Part of that decision to thrive is to revisit a goal I began to develop in the months right after Dad died. I feel a strong desire to help others who are hurting. I am passionate about music, as well, specifically the guitar. I hope to incorporate music in my therapy someday. Due to some of my mental and emotional health struggles, it wasn’t possible for me to work full time. I plan to work either on campus or at the Boys and Girls Club part time as I work on my degree. The help that a scholarship would afford me would be instrumental in helping me complete my degree. My hope is that it would help whoever I am able to counsel someday. That kind of snowball effect would be a very redemptive end for the story of my life, and my Dad’s. The National Institute of Health states that suicide survivors have a high risk of complicated grief; the conflicting emotions and prolonged feelings of loss my family has encountered is evidence of that. I’ve explained quite a lot of what my family has faced; of course it’s just a portion of the trauma and pain we have battled. Most of it has roots in my dad’s past. He suffered immense childhood trauma in several forms. Verbal, emotional and even physical/sexual abuse were part of his life. Immediate family members were his abusers, and he never felt safe getting help. That weighs heavily in my desire to help others-especially children. If someone had been able to help and intervene in his life, perhaps my family would still be whole. Maybe the hurt inflicted on all of us, both before he died and after, would never have happened. Without therapy, we wouldn’t have healed and made the progress toward living again that we have. I am asking you to consider contributing to my journey so I can implement my past trauma to embrace those in need. I believe that the use of therapy as a tool for healing for mental health benefits both the psychologists and clients. I plan on doing just that, helping clients who feel hopeless in the future, so I can show them it’s possible to see the light once again. I may not have had an instruction manual, but I have walked the path. I have survived and learned there is light where there was once complete darkness. In the absence of an instruction manual, I want to help broken people-especially children and teens-learn how to live in the light again.

Instruction manuals are fantastic. In fact, in some cases, they are essential to success. Our appliances come with them, and most of our electronics do, too. I’ve referred to the instructions in my car’s owner’s manual quite a lot. I wouldn’t be able to cook a lot of things without instructions. But when it came to the time in my life when I really needed instructions and guidance, I realized the sad reality is, there is no instruction manual for surviving suicide. My name is Carter Gillman. On April 20th, 2017, I lost my dad, from a self-inflicted gunshot wound. The tragedy left my family feeling powerless and lost in a world full of ignorance and judgment about our situation. I was 13. We went from what was already a stressful home to one utterly shattered by loss and grief. As a 13 year old boy, I didn’t know how to work through the emotions Once we finally found Dr. Brian Fidler, things started to look a little less dim than they had in the last year. I have had 2 trips to the emergency room to stop me from harming myself. The most recent was in March of 2024, I was once again feeling hopeless. I told my Mom I needed help. The next day she took me to Urgent Care for mental health, and I was involuntarily admitted for a 72 hour hold for my safety. My time there was miserable, but it helped me gain focus for what I want in life. I want to live, and thrive. Part of that decision is that I have revisited a goal I had in the months right after Dad died. I felt a calling to help others who are hurting. I am passionate about music, as well, and have taught myself to play guitar the last couple of years. So I hope to incorporate music in my therapy someday. The first step was overcoming my own doubt, in both my ability to succeed as well as my doubt in a happy future for myself. I determined I CAN be successful, and my success could mean help for others. The help that a scholarship would afford me would be instrumental in helping me complete my degree. My hope is that it would help whoever I am able to counsel someday. That kind of positive snowball effect would be a very redemptive end for the story of my life, and my Dad’s. I have survived and learned there is light where there was once complete darkness. In the absence of an instruction manual, I want to help broken people-especially children and teens-learn how to live in the light again.