As a parent, I try my hardest to be the main emotional support for my daughter and son. But I didn't plan for my daughter to admit she was suffering from major depression at a routine doctor's visit as a junior in high school. Upon that discovery, I immediately helped her start her road to talk therapy and medication. I learned to strike the balance of reminding and encouraging her to stay the course while not nagging her. She's had a few cycles of no meds and no therapy, but now, five years later, she has found the therapy formula that works for her. Shortly after that time, I filed for divorce and began life as a single mom. I learned to practice self-love and self-care motivated to be the best parent for my young son and my daughter who left for college. I allowed myself the healing time to "hibernate" meaning I learned to rest my overstressed nervous system and how to sleep through the night, a necessity that I had neglected for about 4 years before I left my marriage. I mothered myself the same way a mother or a friend would have nursed me back to wellness. At the same time, I noticed that a few of my women friends were also filing for divorce after their children graduated from high school. Many of us, Generation X women were now embarking on life after a "gray divorce." Making this bold life change is redefining and takes a toll on mental health. Many of those friends reached out to me for support and guidance. Likewise, I was ready to be present with them and let them be there for me after my period of solitude. While I "hibernated," I was also in an "incubation" period, growing and thriving in the peaceful surroundings I had made for my son and me. At that point, I got the clarity to start my academic journey as a full time student to become a marriage and family therapist. I know firsthand that having mental health is the cornerstone of living our best lives. As a marriage and family therapist, I will counsel women in all the life stages from navigating young adulthood through the transition to post-menopause as well as on generational, cultural, and sexual issues. I look forward to helping women transform their lives like I transformed mine.

Single parenting is nothing short of being a superhero. In one day, I can be the über driver, the house manager, the house cleaner, the repairperson, the secretary, the calendar keeper, the baseball mom, and full-time college student "all in a single bound." Because of wearing multiple hats, I know how to optimize every moment in my day from going to and studying for classes, having the opportunity to be in work/study on campus, and be present for both my daughter who is a college student and my son who is in middle school. Since I started as a full time student Saddleback College last year after graduating from high school in 1989, I cannot say enough about the encouragement and support I've received from professors and school administrators. They prove that they care by the time and attention they give to me as I progress on my academic journey. I take no opportunity or blessing for granted including this time to go to school as a psychology major earning a 4.0 GPA. And I am so grateful that I achieved the clarity of mind to recognize my calling to help others in the best way that I can. Just as the school has been so supportive of me, I will give back to my community as a marriage and family therapist after I have transferred to University of California, Irvine, to earn my bachelor's degree in psychological science and get my master's degree in marriage and family therapy. It will be a long but worthwhile path that I am energized and ready to endeavor to ultimately guide and support women seeking therapy for challenges ranging from developmental, generational, cultural, life transitioning, and sexual issues. The need for empathetic, non-judgmental counseling is growing, and I look forward to contributing to be part of that solution. My dream is to be part of a consortium of professionals who will address women's wellness from various modalities including a physician, a career coach, and a personal trainer. My contribution will be focused on the emotional, psychological, and mental health of my clients. Since becoming a single mom, I seen many women friends my age flex their independence getting gray divorces and I want to be there to help shepherd women like my friends and me into the best part of their lives, discovering and embracing themselves. Winning the Larry Darnell Green scholarship would an honor to carry on his legacy of giving back. This award would allow me to continue forward as a singe mom and student on my mission to be a supportive force for good. Superheroes take on many roles. I look forward to earning this next role as therapist to serve people in my community.

For me, experiencing the healing program of Al Anon was only made possible by being married to two alcoholics. Both of my marriages to alcoholics showed me that addiction can present itself in all sorts of people - younger and older, successful and financially insecure. It showed me you can't judge the substance abusers or the ones who love and stay with them. When I look at people who are struggling in a relationship with a substance abuser, I see a complex puzzle that needs to be solved. From firsthand experience, I know it's never as easy as "just leave." Emotional, relational, historical, and financial entanglements pull on both people that make severing the relationship a hard task. Being the partner to a substance abuser is like partnering with a magician - they are always hiding the point, the ball, the drink, the money, the drug. And as the partner, those magician maneuvers made me start doubting my gut instincts that I was being deceived. Living with substance abuse ate away at my ability to hear let alone trust my inner voice. Being in two marriages both with substance abusers made me believe that all love relationships come with this level of high distress, mistrust, and trauma. After seven years in my first marriage and 19 years and having two kids in my second marriage, I finally understood the primary lesson in my life - I do not have to continue to live this life with someone's substance abuse. Despite his protestations and all the practical reasons my second husband tried to layer on to my resolve, I kept it simple, as they say in Al Anon. I made a decision to take a reasonable and responsible action for my kids and me - I left. Believe it or not, throughout both of those marriages, I had an internal belief that I could live a good life. In fact, my inflated ego thought I could use my good nature and influence to make both of my ex-husbands well. That was wishful, naïve thinking. But once I gained enough courage and clarity, I not only left, I realized that the way I had been thinking, believing, and conducting my life was the result of allowing myself to get subsumed into the problems of these men. I had lost myself. I had lost my way. I am on the academic path to become a marriage and family therapist precisely to help women stay in tune with themselves, believe in their worth, and trust their Internal wisdom. It is easy and tempting to focus on the substance abuser and devote all the energy to inspiring them to stop using. But I believe for every substance abuser, there are more people impacted by them that need support and guidance. I am passionate about being that person who will help them know that they count and that their quality of life is important. It would be an honor to win this scholarship award in honor of Deanna Ellis who would always find time to help others. I would proudly carry on her legacy of support to others as I continue my educational path to become a marriage and family therapist.

At five years old in the 1970s, I was tested and identified as a mentally gifted minor. Later, public school changed educational programs to identify kids like me as gifted and talented or GATE student. From that small point of similarity, the story of Lieba grabbed me. Lieba's sensitivity to see when people were being mistreated was perceptive. Her boldness to defend them was brave. I was a sensitive and smart child, but I was not brave. It took me until I was 49 years old to exhibit my first true act of courage and that was on behalf of my kids and me to leave my marriage of 19 years. I will attribute that act to giving me the drive to help others by becoming a marriage and family therapist. As a therapist, it will be my mission to support kids and adults who have challenges. Kids who are intellectually gifted have unique strengths and areas of growth. One common challenge is reconciling their intelligence with their drive and efforts. In my experience as a gifted student, with my own gifted kids, and observing other kids, gifted kids can rest on their laurels. This can occur at a key time, the beginning of elementary school when the love and curiosity of learning needs to be fostered. Instead, for gifted students, they can get bored which grooms them to give minimal effort rather than to maximize their growth mindset. At this stage, they can almost be too smart for their own good. As a marriage and family therapist, my mission will be to help these kids pare down the device-driven distractions of iPhones and tablets and everything that causes them to remain focused on them. Instead, I will help motivate them to look up and appreciate the colorful, interactive world around them that includes engagement with friends and family, nature, and the attention span to read. But it will also take the effort of teaching parents to reinforce these habits at home were it is most impactful. The social-emotional well being of all of us - kids who are smart and also intellectually challenged and adults - are all at stake. With artificial intelligence at our fingertips, it is possible that we can all suffer from lack of connection and knowing and appreciating how to communicate. AI can do too much for us that we are all at risk to lose the skills to perform the most fundamental mental tasks. Being a Generation X marriage and family therapist will give me the distinct advantage of using my experience and knowledge of a pre-device driven world to Millennial parents and their gifted kids. I will be able to impart the qualities that are lacking and being depleted like the art of contact, enjoying conversation, and picking up on social cues which are necessary to maintain the warmth and soul we desperately need to retain. I am witnessing this decline now as I sit as a 53 year old student amongst classrooms of college kids some of whom are pained to answer questions in a front of a group. Their social-emotional well being was compromised in 2020 during the isolation of the pandemic and the consequences need to be addressed now and in the future. I am in the most unique position, as Generation X psychology student, a single parent of a 22 year old and twelve year old, a former stepmom of three Millennials to observe the challenges and frustrations of my professors who try to engage their students and the students who struggle to be accessible to be reached. My biggest asset I will bring as a marriage and family therapist will be to leverage my experiences to be a bridge between generations, helping to connect them through modeling and counseling them to better communication skills and authentic understanding of others. My hope is that my efforts can help my clients, intellectually gifted and otherwise, elevate their social-emotional well being to benefit them as individuals and to grow a healthier society.

My initial exposure to mental illness was living with my stepson. At first, it was his obsessive compulsive disorder that began when he was twelve years old. One of his compulsions was to skip in front of doorways which seemed harmless and even charming. Later in his mid-20s, he developed psychosis. By this time, my husband (his father) and I had two children. Psychosis is a far more disturbing mental illness, and it became the preoccupying focal point of our household and family. I did not understand the neurological pathology of psychosis at this time. All I knew was that my stepson was living with us with disturbing behaviors. Otherwise, he would choose to be homeless. As a parent, I supported by husband that turning him away was not an option. Our dilemma was trying to get him on medication. Reasoning with him had no impact because he also has a condition causing him to have no recognition of his disturbing behavior called anogsognosia. This combination made it exponentially difficult to persuade him to seek help. At the time, his behaviors including catatonic states leading him to sit at the kitchen counter for hours, sending aggressive texts to family members and me, and acting out delusional behaviors motivated me to get into protective mode for my thirteen year old daughter, three year old son, and me. I would plan our days to be out of the house until bedtime to avoid exchanges with him and had locks installed in all the bedroom doors. Living with him was disruptive at best and scary at worst. Now studying biological and abnormal psychology, I am coming full circle in my understanding of the parts of the brain that cause psychotic behavior and how proper medication aids in bringing those who suffer from it closer to a balanced brain so that they can be part of society. My stepson, who is now my former stepson since I divorced my husband, has been on a positive trajectory of proper treatment through medication and therapy for the past six years. I am still a stakeholder of his wellness since my son lives with his dad and him half time. While the focus often gets directed to the afflicted with mental illness, the family members often take a back seat to getting care. However, they also need to be strengthened and encouraged to function so that they can help their loved one. When I become a marriage and family therapist, I will be able to support family members whose lives are affected by someone else's mental illness with exceptional empathy. Living with psychosis is not only a theoretical or academic lesson for me. I have the exposure and experience of living with someone with it firsthand. My understanding and appreciation is being further enhanced by education that makes me even more competent to help family members who need a place to express their worries and to create coping strategies. My mission is to support others and help them see better ways of living and thriving through adversities of all sorts. Winning your scholarship will help me, as a single mom, by allowing me to focus on my academic journey which will lead me to expediently become a marriage and family therapist. At that time, I will make a positive impact on those who urgently need help I am uniquely experienced to give.

From the time I was in my late 20s I felt that I had a knack for helping others. In my 30s and 40s, I was married with three step kids, my daughter, and ten years later, my son and was busy being a mom active in their lives, giving the rides, meals, and support while also volunteering as room mom, team mom, chairing fundraisers for the kids' school and for our local hospital. All of that time spent proved to me that I have talents to offer that can benefit others. I also realized that in the midst of child-rearing and volunteering, I was deferring the need to address my marriage. Throughout my marriage, my husband was actively drinking and unfaithful. For many years, I was in denial and devoted my attention to my kids, my volunteer obligations, and friends. Eventually, I realized that I had to take charge of my life. Most of all, I needed to be a model of healthy behaviors for my kids by making the disruptive decision to file for a divorce in 2021. It took determination, focus, and strength. Ultimately, both of my children and I are better for my act of independence. I've found peace and my kids have the mom they deserve - happy and more present for them. Leaving my unhealthy marriage after 19 years gave me a chance to evaluate and reprioritize my life. Divorce and being a single mom of two has also given me the clarity and inspiration to tune back into the calling of helping others. In the spring of 2024, I began school at Saddleback Community College as a full time student to start the educational journey to become a marriage and family therapist. So far, I've earned a 4.0 GPA and am loving and appreciating the gift of education. As a 52 year old single mom, it is a long road ahead to achieve the bachelors and masters degrees necessary to become a licensed marriage and family therapist. However, after the long journey that's included a lot of joys, pains, and lessons, I know that I have the experience, maturity, and empathy to help others on their path for mental and emotional health through therapy. Thank you for your generosity of this scholarship and for the opportunity to benefit from it. I can assure you that this single mom is ready to turn the gift of education and scholarships into service to others as a future marriage and family therapist.

I began a lifetime of community service starting in high school. From intermediate school throughout high school, I gave my time as a camp counselor through the West County YMCA for kids at one to two week camps in Big Bear, California. This experience taught me about responsibility, organization, accountability, leadership, and guiding kids through a fun and safe camping experience. As an adult, I took my love for service by serving as room parent at my daughter's elementary school classes assisting teachers with extracurricular activities and communications with class parents. When I found out my daughter's school didn't have a Girl Scout troop for her age group, I piloted and co-led her troop that totaled 40 girls. From this volunteer experience, the girls learned about independence, community, and business skills while I learned more about organization and collaborating while working with Girl Scouts of Orange County guidelines. At the same time, I became a board member for the Parent Teacher Fellowship at my daughter's school where I started off as a Communications Chair initiating parent outreach calls. Ultimately, I chaired her school's Spring Fundraiser which featured a large-scale formal event that included a silent auction, dinner, live auction, and entertainment under my charge resulting in raising funds for the school's campaign to build a performing arts center. After I had my son, I've volunteered as room parent for his classes and as a team mom for his baseball teams. Concurrently, I have served as a board member for Valiant Women of Providence Mission Hospital acting as board chair and fundraising event chair to raise money supporting nursing scholarships and women's healthcare initiatives including breast health care at the hospital. I've passed on my love of service to my daughter when we both served our San Clemente community through Assisteens which is the teen/parent auxiliary of the Assistance League of Capistrano Valley. This organization gave both my daughter and me a window into helping community members in need on a local level. After my divorce in 2021, I realized that my calling is to serve women as a marriage and family therapist. In the spring of 2024, I began attending Saddleback Community College as a full-time student and am currently enrolled in two classes this summer with a 4.0 GPA. I am devoted to my mission to help others who need mental and emotional support. I know that working toward the goal of attaining a bachelors and masters degrees in psychology is my pathway to using my talents of empathy, service, and intelligence to help others. Thank you for your generosity to offer this scholarship and for the opportunity to benefit from it to pursue my life mission to become a marriage and family therapist to serve others.

I didn't know I'd met my best friend, Terese, the night we sat at our kids' school event with our husbands in 2009. A year later, she filed for divorce from her husband and father of her two kids. In the spirit of being a newly single mom who was determination to stay in shape, she asked me for my favorite workout playlist. Rather than enjoy my playlist separately, we decided it would be a lot more fun to power walk and stair climb together. And since our kids were buddies, our families quickly became each other's social lives. When I think back on that time, I know realize that her divorce experience gave her the insight and empathy to show up for me as only a best friend could when my life took painful twists and turns. Her life forged on as a single mom, while my life was full as a wife, mom of my daughter and son, and stepmom of three. In fact, my life got so busy as the room mom, team mom, and school and community volunteer that all those roles distracted me from my deteriorating marriage. Over the course of a decade, I went from regarding my husband and my marriage as a good thing to sequentially feeling annoyed, angry, sad, in denial, and finally numb over my husband's drinking and cheating and, even worse, his gaslighting about both. Despite being a witness to the devolution of my marriage., Terese remained supportive, never judgmental of me for staying, and always ready with her wit and humor to lighten my perspective - a fine balance that only a true friend who knows me could offer. She listened to me countless times lament about leaving my husband only to stay for some flimsy reason. All the while, she never lost faith in me, and she never disrespected my choices. At the end of the COVID quarantine, I'd finally had enough of my 19 year marriage. Terese not only offered her encouragement of my final resolve, she offered me the keys to her home to start my journey. She told me that my son would need to learn the feeling of living with me part time away from his family home and that we could do that under the comfort and shelter of her roof. My son and I stayed with her three days per week for one month until I secured our own place to rent. Terese provided a primary building block for my independence. This led to a feeling of peace I didn't even know I was missing which led to the clarity I needed to pursue my dream of becoming a marriage and family therapist. As I venture now, as a 52 year old single mom and a full time student, she is one of my biggest cheerleaders. Supportive, funny, and without judgment - those are the ingredients of a lifetime friend. Anyone would be lucky to have friends with those qualities. I am fortunate to have a friend with all of them - Terese.

Mental illness affects everyone whether we realize it or not. And the need for attention and solutions to address mental illness is ever increasing. In my case, living with a stepson with psychosis affected not only me but everyone in the household. When I lived with him, his behavior dictated the tone and activities of our family. I felt insecure and unstable about the welfare of my kids and me. I would prepare for the entire day to have everything my kids and I needed in my minivan to minimize going back home during waking hours because he would sit at the kitchen counter - the epicenter of the household - all day. Any conversation with him was creepy and incomprehensible. My kids, his younger sister and brother, sensed his strange energy but were too young to describe how unusual his behavior was. In the morning, I'd go to the kitchen to get coffee and notice that the rim of our coffee mugs were chipped. He'd been nibbling off the rims. He would avoid mirrors because he thought there may be spies watching him on the other side. When I'd drop my daughter off at school, I'd find activities for my preschool son and I to do that didn't involve going home. But I'd still be affected by mental illness with strange, cryptic texts from my stepson and group emails from his dad (my husband at the time) and his mom and her husband about ways to try to get help for him. Our collective pastime became how to get him into voluntary treatment since he was an adult and we could not get him committed without his consent. To add to the challenge of living with someone with psychosis, he also has anosognosia which is the inability to have insight to realize his own erratic behavior. Rather, when he has psychotic episodes, his mind tells him that everyone else is acting irrationally and that he's the only one that makes sense. In short, living with someone during his psychotic episode is living in insanity. It feels endless and scary. I write this paragraph in the present tense because these behaviors don't go away. They can return when someone is left untreated. I'm pleased to say that my stepson has since sought treatment and is taking medication to manage his mental illness for now. I've since left my marriage in 2021 so I no longer live with them; my divorce finalized in 2023. I share 50/50 custody of my 11 year old son who lives halftime with my ex husband and my stepson. So, I'm still invested and concerned with my stepson's mental state. I'm now a single mom and a full time college student at Saddleback College with a 4.0 GPA with plans to transfer to UCI to get my Bachelors in Psychological Science. I will then get my Masters in Psychology. I will become a marriage and family therapist who will support and empower women to realize and live their healthiest lives. I'm more than aware of the impact of mental illness and also mental health. I've lived through mental illness along with dysfunctional behaviors of my ex-husband. My experience makes me keenly sensitive of the need to help not just the mentally ill but the family members who are profoundly affected by their condition. It is my dream to help those family members as a marriage and family therapist.

My parents moved their family from the Philippines to California in 1970 to give their kids the best opportunities they could. They had me in 1971. They joked that I was the only child that qualified to become the President of the United States. Immigrants were strongly persuaded to assimilate and minimize the ethnic culture of their origin country in the 1970s. I grew up not appreciating my parents brave decision to move from their homeland to start all over in America. My dad went through dental school again to qualify to sit for the California exam. At age 50, he passed the dental bar and become a practicing dentist. Meanwhile, I grew up fitting in well with my friends. Even they forgot that I had any ethnicity. I squandered by lower education despite being identified as a "gifted and talented education" student. I graduated from high school in 1989 with no college plans. I lost sight of my parents dream. However, I did learn the fulfillment of volunteering which started in high school volunteering as a camp counselor for kids at the YMCA. In adulthood, as a married stay-at-home mom, I volunteered for my kids and community as a room mom, Girl Scout leader, team mom, event chair for the school fundraiser gala, and event chair for my local hospital fundraiser luncheon. I also passed on my passion for community service to my teenage daughter when we both volunteered with Assisteens. I left my second marriage of 19 years in 2021 at age 49 to an alcoholic cheater who I had my two children with. I was not living to my full potential. Not getting my college education was a nagging disappointment to me and an insult to my dad's example of determination. My dad's death in 2022 caused me to not only reflect but to take action to take charge of my life. At 52, I started college full time as a single mom of my two kids - ages 21 and 11. At this life stage and with a 9 year trajectory to get my bachelors and masters and a 3,000 internship, time of the essence to achieve my goal to become a licensed marriage and family therapist. My dream is to continue my passion of helping others while honoring my dad's legacy.

Giving back and volunteering have been part of my upbringing starting in high school all the way through today. I have led and supported many community service organizations including the YMCA as a camp counselor and director in high school, as room mom and team mom for my kids' school and sports teams, Girl Scout troop leader for my daughter, and chairing fundraiser events for my daughter's school to better their performing arts program and for my local hospital, Providence Mission Hospital, to benefit women's health and wellness where I currently volunteer. After so much time given to benefit others, it's now time to concentrate on improving my life. I left my 19 year marriage after years of living with a spouse's alcoholism and cheating. I've been living as a single mom for the past three years. I'm recovering from the effects of living with being mentally exhausted in my marriage. I now have the clarity, ambition, and strength to use my life lessons and wisdom to give back to others with my goal to serve as a marriage and family therapist. From personally experiencing counseling, to having a daughter with depression, to having many women friends who've also sought divorce from unhappy marriages, an overriding question and concern strikes me - why are so many women depressed and/or don't feel empowered until they reach a critical mass of pain to advocate for themselves to become mentally healthy? I want to be a marriage and family therapist not only to answer this question but to be part of the solution for women who seek and need support with their mental health. I want to serve women in my community as a marriage and family therapist to give immediate support and a safe space for women to reflect on their areas in need of growth and improvement and to become empowered to flex their strengths. Ultimately, so much growth occurs when we know why we make the choices we make. We just need someone to explore that with. I will be ready to be that person to serve others after I complete my educational journey. It's a long journey as a 52 year old, single mom, but I am enthusiastic and grateful for this chance to use my wisdom and credibility through real life experience together with a college education to be a helper in the psychology and mental health sphere. Thank you for the opportunity to apply for your scholarship and for your generosity to support single moms pursuing our goals.

On June 26, 2021, I told my husband of 19 years that I no longer wanted to be married to him. It was that night I realized that his alcoholism and cheating were never going to change and that I could no longer accommodate his behaviors and living the way I had with him anymore. I moved out on August 6, 2021, and started living life as a single mom of my daughter who had just graduated from high school and was moving out for college and my 8 year old son who would be living with me 50% of the time. Little did I know that living away from my husband would, in many ways, be worse than when I lived with him. He started acting out, harassing me by phone calls, texts, and in person - so much so I contemplated filing a restraining order after he inappropriately touched me. And then, I finally found some words to describe what he is and what he'd done. He is a narcissist and when I lived with him, he was gaslighting me. And to be clear, I don't mean this in the overused, TikTok description of narcissism. I mean this in its most formally, insidious way. The type of way that interferes with peace of mind, with sleep, with moving forward with life. But I was experiencing some hints of quiet and recovery. I did train myself to sleep through the night. In essence, I had to learn to mother myself. And in taking care of myself, I became a better mom to my kids. I started being better emotionally for them. I realized my best mothering could only be done by taking care of myself and modeling healthy living to them. How did I manage to be constructive in the midst of the divorce chaos my husband was serving up? I leaned on my friends. I reminded myself that for every adverse behavior he demonstrated, it was another affirmation that I made the right choice to leave. And I had to believe that there is some purpose for living through all of the dysfunction. And that purpose was to take those life lessons and pain and turn them into wisdom. I've taken my wisdom and realized my strengths of empathy, communication, and warmth to move forward with my journey to become a marriage and family therapist. Women like me need a safe place to be vulnerable, explore weaknesses, become brave enough to learn and try new ways of thinking and behaving, and be confident enough to flex our strengths. Not to be corny, but in the most sincere way, I have gratitude for living through the adversity in my marriage and through the even more painful divorce that ensued. I'm in a different mental space now. I have more clarity to listen to my inner wisdom and more grit and boldness to voice my wisdom. I've earned my place to get my education to pursue my dream of supporting others as a marriage and family therapist. And as a 52 year old single mom, I know I have the credibility that others will seek who need therapy. I will be ready for them after I complete this journey of education. Thank you for the opportunity to apply for this scholarship and for your generosity to support single moms trying to be better for our kids, for ourselves, and to help others.

Little did I know when separated from my husband of 19 years at age 49 that I would become part of an emerging category of women going through a "gray divorce". I only knew that after spending 21 years together and my husband's alcoholism, cheating, and narcissism not improving, the only thing left for me to do was leave that marriage. I had no idea that peace and recovery from perpetual "fight or flight" response would be just on the other side of my choice to live life as a single mom of two kids. Getting some experience living a less chaotic life away from that marriage gave me the quiet and clarity to make more constructive choices for my life. My biggest realization is that I could no longer live life driven by others' circumstances. I realized I need to create and pursue my own goals. And my goal is to become a marriage and family therapist. From young adulthood, I've been fascinated with and benefited from therapy. I've also had a rich network of friends who I've acted as counselor for and who've also supported me. I choose the field of clinical psychology and mental health because I've lived through many life challenges and witnessed women - young and older - who would benefit greatly from having a space to explore and grow through positive contemplation in a safe space. From being girls to growing up as women, we are raised with conflicting messages about what it means to be part of society. We often learn valuable lessons so late in life. My aim as a marriage and family therapist is to provide a nurturing place where women can be vulnerable enough to realize and admit their weaknesses, open enough to expand and maybe change from their existing ways of living and thinking, and bold enough to flex their strengths. My passion to become a marriage and family therapist to help women is deeply personal. As a mom of my 21 year old daughter, reflecting back on my life, and having so many women friends who I've seen live in suffering in secret, I want to help change the trajectory for women to break generational trauma and cultural expectations of what women have been raised to tolerate. Women are more than our roles we fulfill to others. Women are entitled to learn and live out how to best advocate for themselves - in their family, work, and sex lives. We need better support to help us realize this. And I will be that type of support as a marriage and family therapist. Thank you for the opportunity to apply for this scholarship and for your generosity and interest in supporting single moms and our career goals.

After 52 years of living, mental health plays a part in every facet of my life. Having experienced this, I also know that mental health affects everyone. It's this inevitability that drives me to pursue my college education to support others to become a marriage and family therapist. Growing up as the child of older parents who immigrated from the Philippines in 1970, I was raised by the village of my four older siblings. My parents' older age (mom was 37 and dad was 40 when I was born), their cultural acclimation, and our hybrid Asian and American lifestyle made us an unusual, yet closely-knit family. In many ways, I was also sheltered, and in other ways my parents were not like the helicopter parents of today driving me to academically succeed. Instead, I squandered my education which I deeply regret. It was my sheltered upbringing that made me ill-prepared for my first marriage at 20 years old to an alcoholic. That was my first experience of mental health challenges - my husband's alcoholism and bipolar disorder. Yet, my naivety made me believe that instead of seeing his flaws, I looked to my lack of life experience as the shortfall. One benefit from my first marriage was discovering therapy and the 12-step program Al-Anon. In both places I learned that I didn't cause, I couldn't control, or cure the behavior of others. But that didn't save me from my youth and eternal optimism that if I was a good enough person, whoever my partner was would see my goodness and become the worthy partner I deserved. I married for a second time. This time, I really doubled down on ways to experience mental health experiences. My husband was 21 years my senior which presented specific its own challenges, and had had three kids who lived with us from two prior marriages. Over the next 21 years, I had two children with my second husband, and experienced his alcoholism, cheating, and narcissism, a stepson's psychosis NOS, my daughter's depression, and my own realization that I was not being a good example to my teenage daughter and young son by tolerating my husband/their dad's poor behavior. Despite the chaos in my home life, I managed the trappings of a well-kept household, my kids were active in school and sports, and I channeled my need for order by becoming a super-volunteer for my community. But I was starting to function off of fumes, and my energy was depleting. I realized that could not sustain the way I was living - in denial. As I wrote, mental health plays a part in every facet of life, and it was time for me to take charge of my own mental health. Shortly after my daughter graduated from high school, I announced my separation from my husband. The most affirming yet poignant feedback was from my daughter who said, "Mom, why didn't you do this sooner?" It was then that I knew I needed to correct my path and become the person, the mom, and the model of an adult both of my kids deserved. I learned the necessity of unapologetic self-care and self-love. My life got quiet enough for me to realize my talents and my deepest wish - to use my non-judgmental empathy which I earned by my life experience that gives me the credibility to relate to others to help them as a marriage and family therapist. My college education will formalize my goal to help others with their mental health. Seeing many of my friends of similar age and situations as me also going through "gray divorce" makes it even more urgent that there are more competent therapists who have a deep drive to help this population of women with relationship issues. I can't wait to serve others as a support for their mental health. In the meanwhile, I am an enthusiastic, full-time student embracing every bit of education I'm receiving. I would benefit greatly as a single mom of a college age daughter and a middle school son to show them and myself what grit and follow through looks like by completing my college education to achieve my career goal. Thank you for the opportunity to apply for this scholarship to aid me along my journey to help others with their mental health.

The links between biology, the power of the mind, brain development, and psychology cements my belief that we need more mental health providers. While mental health has had a stigma for so long, the increase of 15% demand for mental health care professionals year over year evidences the growing need to treat it like a fundamental building block to a healthy life. When I fulfill my ambition to become a licensed marriage and family therapist, my mission will be to open a mental health practice with a focus on empowering women - young and older - to trust their instincts about what's best for them. This simple quality, that we all possess, can be squashed or quieted by trauma or systemic patriarchy. Sometimes, there's not even a bad guy to assign to why women stop listening to their inner wisdom. But I believe it's the job of a good therapist to bear witness to women seeking support to help them remember their value to their family, to their community, and most of all, to themselves. I grew up with two loving parents who brought their four children from the Philippines to America in 1970. And then, they had me - with all their hopes and dreams for opportunity for all of their kids. As the youngest of five, I was most removed from my parents' sacrifices and bold decision to leave everything they knew to move for something better. As a child, teen, and young adult, I squandered my education despite being placed in GATE and honors classes. It was my fear of failure, that if I gave my 100% effort, I would not measure up. But I didn't know at the time what I was striving for that I could possible fail. After two marriages and two kids, at 52 years old, I'm over that fear of failure. I've gained the life experience and insight to understand that it's in living and trying that we create the tapestry and credibility of our lives and that we choose whether to see our past as mistakes or lessons. As someone who's sought therapy myself, I've experienced firsthand that it really does take support from others to help women of all ages access our inner strength and voice. Over the years, I've been told by friends many times that my empathy and non-judgmental perspectives have helped them in times of need, that I've helped them see new perspectives and that they've benefitted from just being able to explore their thoughts and options with me. Now, I want to formalize my innate strength by getting the education required to become what I was meant to be - a marriage and family therapist. It is my greatest wish and ambition to serve my community by being an instrument of wellness for women who seek to optimize their potential. As a divorced woman with two children, I am my kids' example of living out resilience and drive. I'm excited every day as I pursue my journey in education to move toward helping others. And I look forward to making a positive impact to those who want and need support.

Before my 90 year old father passed away on February 12, 2022, I thought I already knew about loss. I had just walked away from my marriage of 19 years to a cheating, alcoholic narcissist. Along with that time lost, I lost the life I had built with my two kids, a home, and the financial security I had. When I left at 49 years old, I started to experience a freedom and peace I'd never known. Then, as a gift for my 50th birthday, nature decided to bestow me with perimenopause - the start of the journey to hormone loss. Welcome mood swings, disrupted sleep, and bouts of internal heat that takes your breath away and your clothes off. On February 9, 2022, my sister called me in Maryland to let me know that dad was admitted into the hospital after he'd lost consciousness and soiled his bed at home. The doctor had evaluated dad's progress for three days and advised that if our dad was his dad, he would let family members know it was time to be with him. Yet, I hesitated to make the plane reservation. Surely, dad will come out of this bout of COVID-induced pneumonia. He'd already recovered from an ischemic stroke six months before. But my disbelief that his mortality was real was overcome by my sister's message, "It's time to be here." My kids and I arrived at my sister's house in time to see my dad, unconscious but still alive, after the doctor ordered at-home palliative care for him. My oldest sister and I took shifts administering morphine to keep him comfortable. And I still didn't get it. I truly believed his body just needed to rest and that he would internally rehabilitate and wake up. Instead, the next morning we discovered my dad's fingertips and toes had turned blue. He had passed away some time in the very early morning. I did what anyone might do after realizing my dad had died. I went outside, screamed at the top of my lungs, and collapsed to the ground, wailing so hard that I thought I would vomit. It was then that I KNEW I experienced my first real loss - my dad. I can meet another life partner after my divorce. Hormone replacements can offset menopause. But no one can replace dad. No one else gave what he and my mom gifted to my four older siblings and me - the opportunity to succeed in America. In 1970, my parents made the bold move to relocate their family from the Philippines to San Diego, California. After many years of grit and sacrifice, my dad finished dental school in America after already being a dentist in the Philippines so that he could practice dentistry and earn a better living for his family. As the youngest and only child born in America, I squandered my lower education and instead chased marriages and started my own family with my second husband. While I had the gift of intelligence, I had misguided visions that my talents were best spent as a stay at home mom to a husband who ultimately proved worthy of my domestic gifts. After my dad died, I came to the realization that the most powerful way I could express my gratitude for all he did was to use my talents, skills, intelligence, and drive toward what has come naturally to me all along, my gift of empathy and non-judgmental counsel to friends who've sought my support. And if my dad could redo dental school in his 40s, I can go back to school in my 50s to formalize my education to be a licensed marriage and family therapist - to be of service to my community like my dad did as a dentist. My dad's life and death reinforces in me that everyone has a gift to give to others and that it's never too late to work toward pursuing my dream. With the need for mental health counseling growing at the rate of 15% per year and my life experience that gives me the credibility to counsel others, all I need is to put in my time and focus on getting the education to realize my goal. As a 52 year old single mom with two kids, one in college and the other in middle school who lives with me, I am fighting to be an example to my kids that education is worth it - that my pursuit to become a therapist is worth it. And I know my fight honors my dad's vision - that I live a life of service to others - like he did.

From the time I was a young adult in my twenties, conversations with friends funneled around struggles and how we navigate them. I've had the gift of non-judgmental empathy since that time to be a supportive listener to my friends. My own life took its course and from my own naivety growing up in a fairly sheltered, first-generation filipino household in the 1980s, I entered my first marriage in the early 1990s in my 20s believing that love and my partnership could aid my husband to sobriety. I later learned that no one can help another get sober and treat their mental health problems unless that person wants help. I eventually left that relationship. All the while, I was on my personal therapy journey learning more about myself and my own issues from childhood that were affecting my current life. Not only has receiving counseling helped me have insight about myself, it's given me the opportunity to experience what qualities make effective and ineffective therapists. I still seek counseling and believe that we all can benefit from healthy counseling. My second marriage of 19 years brought me a spouse 21 years my senior, his two ex-wives to consider, three stepkids to navigate, and two children to love and raise. During this stage, I learned invaluable lessons including: not everyone will like me despite my best intentions and efforts, the fine art of diplomacy, and that aging (of my husband) brings issues that I would've otherwise never experienced or considered. Additionally, I experienced living with someone with psychosis NOS (a stepchild), alcoholism, infidelity, and narcissism (my husband), sexual orientation differences (another stepchild), and depression (one of my children). In short, my home life was a petri dish of psychological issues. When I left my second marriage after my oldest graduated from high school, I soon learned that many of my friends whose kids also just graduated were also divorcing their husbands. And I believe that's no coincidence. Rather, this phenomenon is a product of many women not seeking and receiving the guidance and support that therapy can offer us. It's my wish to give purpose of my life experiences and use my innate talents of relating to others by becoming a licensed marriage and family therapist. I now need to formalize that desire with higher education. I enrolled, took four classes, and earned a 4.0 for my first semester at Saddleback College in Mission Viejo, CA. I'm currently enrolled in two classes this summer and will take four classes in the fall. I'm working toward my Associates degree in Psychology to transfer to a University of California, Irvine, to earn my Bachelors degree in Psychological Science. From there, I will earn my Masters degree in Psychology and then start my 3,000 hour clinical internship to qualify for my license to become a marriage and family therapist. With the mental health space and the need for counseling growing at the rate of 15% per year, women my age and younger are in dire need of sound therapy, and I have a clear vision, plan, and drive to be there for them as their marriage and family therapist. A financial award would provide me with support to keep my focused on my studies and less stressed as I go to school, raise my 11 year old child as a single mom, and pursue my dream to help others.

I intuitively know that my best contribution to my community is to help others through offering my personal services as a marriage and family therapist. From the time I was a young adult, friends confided in me because I have a knack for offering empathetic, non-judgmental listening, and insightful feedback. The fact that I've been twice divorced makes it clear that I've had much to learn in the ways of partner selection and what it takes to make a successful relationship. I'm proud to say that I've acknowledged my own need for counseling which I've happily and humbly received on and off over the years. From a patient/client standpoint, I've learned a lot from being counseled. From a more objective standpoint, I've also learned about qualities that make good therapists and not so effective therapists. Counseling as my career goal became more emergent with the advent of several events surrounding my life. My 21 year old daughter has depression which is endemic to many of her generation with their diminished ways of relating to others, growing up with social media, and remediating their social skills from the effects of COVID isolation. After I filed for divorce in 2021, I discovered that many of my friends(who are moms of my daughter's friends) also filed for divorce which is a coincidental phenomenon. I saw my friends and I seeking support through friendship and therapy. But my curiosity has grown beyond mere contemplation about: (1) what brings so many women into relationships that (2) develop into marriages and (3) having kids only to (4) be compelled enough to end their marriage - I have a desire to DO something about it. I want to help women like them - like me. At my age with my life experience, I've realized that I have the personal credibility to offer valid support about life challenges to others and that it's my time to start living my life based on my strengths and my calling to serve and not just accept and adjust to what comes along my way. In order to formalize my career dream, I need to achieve the educational backing of a bachelors and masters degree in psychology and complete 3,000 hours of clinical internship time before I qualify for certification. It's a long road ahead. But with the growing need for mental health professionals growing at the rate of 15% per year, I will be ready through experience AND education to help women like my friends, my daughter, and me achieve better life outcomes by supporting them in therapy.