I am a 41-year-old Asian American double doctoral student named Annes Chu and I struggled with substance addictions for 15 years. I have PTSD, Bipolar 2, and borderline personality disorder. As an abused child, I was sexually, physically, emotionally, and psychologically abused, which led to addictions and domestic violence relationships that severely limited my potential. Adversities helped me discover my inner strengths of resiliency, compassion, ambition, courage, love, potential, and empowerment, which shaped my goals without doubt or fear due to my relationship with God. I believe that Jesus Christ saved my life from the death of self-destruction and helped me get sober overnight. I have 9 years sober today. Adversity taught me that barriers are opportunities for growth and unlimited potential. It also taught me the impact of mental health on families. Being mentally ill subjected me to abuse, being stigmatized, misunderstood, and rejected or judged frequently. I’ve experienced suicidality many times from feeling alone. I learned that my value and worth are not dependent on how others see me or by putting up with abuse, but on how God sees me. I overcame the barriers of being mentally ill by seeing myself in a better light to believe in myself. I learned that mental health is not just another statistic but that through conditions, I can make a positive and powerful difference to others. My goals developed in making a difference in the world, believing in others, and bringing out the best in others through my spiritual, leadership, career, academic, and relational life. Setting these goals, achieving these goals, and always creating more has given me the confidence needed to continue being driven with a passionate heart of growing fire to develop my values by understanding the world’s dynamics better. It has taught me to value and promote social and human justice for meaning in life, as well as purpose. My relationship with God created a positive mentality to be empowered, inspired, and help people see their potential. I began to develop a healthy, accepting, understanding, and loving relationship with myself. This promotes understanding and unconditional love in relation to others for the world to be a better world. Gaining happiness and success as a mentally ill person motivated me to reach out to my community to speak out not only for awareness but to promote inner capabilities in everyone because I believe in others. This helped me develop meaningful relationships with people. I discovered that stigma in the world, the judgments from lack of understanding, and a lack of positive affirmations create barriers to people’s healing growth to reach potential. This limits people and exacerbates mental health symptoms. All the signs of giftedness were in me all along but due to abuse and the perception of mental health, I lived a limited and self-sabotaging life. Now I bring out people’s strengths. My understanding of the world is that there are many social issues but there is a lot of love in this world that are strengths to emotional, mental, and spiritual support. I experienced a world that discourages uplifting people, so accepting people are more meaningful, rewarding, and appreciated. Political agendas, police brutalities, and others who repress or oppress minority populations (LGBTQ, mentally disabled, physically disabled, ethnic minorities, religious minorities, and being a female), has shaped my goal-oriented ambitions for success, and happiness by rising above being outspoken to fight for human justice using my powerful story. I learned to understand the world from a much more open-minded and wiser perspective today to get through adversities. I learned that we could all understand each other even if we disagree. The biggest lesson on how I view the world is that division and differences only grow the mind and heart. These beliefs led me to meaningful relationships by realizing who is for me not against me, thus those who support and believe in my best are for me. Meaningful relationships act as strong protective factors against injustice, stigma, and trials. I never let go of people who are loyal to me, understand me, and unconditionally love me. Today, I am studying to become a doctor of Christian Theology to become a pastor for future global missions as an ordained minister. My other Ph.D. program is to become a licensed psychologist. I also will attend medical school to become a physician’s assistant to help communities within a broad biopsychosocial spiritual spectrum of health and wellness to save lives. I became educated in mental health conditions during my master's studies in clinical psychology. I help others by educating them to understand mental health to promote recovery. I teach using positive affirmations to bring out the inner strengths of mental health clients. This helps achieve acceptance of themselves for success. I use my personal testimony of overcoming mental health, addictions and being a convicted ex-felon and formerly battered woman that became a Ph.D. student to inspire others that anything is possible. I became an Alcohol and Drug Counselor to help substance addiction/mental health clients. My mental health/addiction issues drove my goal to work in psychology after becoming sober. I do research on childhood maltreatment increasing mental illness, substance addictions, and abusive relationships, and what we can do about it. My goals have been shaped to create prevention and interventions for mentally ill populations, as well as those at risk. I've learned to reach out and receive positive support from good friends. This shaped my goals to develop strong/healthy boundaries and assertive communication skills as a powerful leader with the problem-solving abilities needed for healthy relationships. I am somebody and I matter, so I live my life in a rewarding way to help others know they matter. I now live a meaningful and happy life with healthy/loving relationships I am grateful for forever. Although I still suffer from mental health symptoms, I am always confident to get through strong. I use my negative experiences as a springboard/ambition to do amazing things. Pain is never wasted, and my pain is for a purpose!

My name is Annes Jeongeun Chu. My lifetime experiences of 41 years have been both significantly positive and negative. Growing up in an abusive family, I was raised with strictness, control, quality education, and a wealthy upbringing. My family was not the typical Korean family. My father was born and raised in Seoul, Korea, and my mother was born and raised in Japan as a Korean blooded female. Japan and Korea have a deep/long history of Koreans being oppressed by the Japanese. Even today in modern times, many perceive that this history has been overcome but there are still tensions between the two cultures with racism and bias in my experience. I have experienced the significant differences and similarities of both Japanese and Korean culture within my family that are a part of my journey of who I am becoming. What this has done for me is embracing the culture in which I now today live as and identify as a very multicultural/diverse-oriented person who embraces cultural differences that I learned to grow my heart, as well as open my mind. My identity as a Korean American has a very intense and long background that makes me who I am today as a very passionate, loving, and thriving Korean American Christian woman who is on a mission in life for God to give back to communities to make a positive difference for change. I rebelled from Asian culture starting as a teen due to the curious desire to seek different subcultures. I realized that this was a rebellion from the abuse of my culture in which abuse had been tolerated, which is what I may have been rebelling from. Many Koreans and Japanese stuck together in my high school as cliques but I rebelled from my Asian clique of very intelligent, talented, and loyal friends to explore different crowds of different ethnicities, styles, and music subcultures. I had such a strong curiosity and interest in not being or not looking like a typical Asian American. Now I realize it was because I didn't get healthy attention from home and needed to stand out. My tastes in rock music, newfound associations with the rebels, and association with white culture led me to be labeled as a "traitor" by a Korean. It was because I had rejected my own Korean friends and normative standards. I had rejected my Asian culture due to rebellion and psychological problems with my abusive/emotionally unavailable family. I rebelled from my Korean culture and sought ways to be different that are non-conforming/abnormal of conservative Koreans. Examples include being a vegetarian, drug addict with hardcore drugs, doing prison time, hanging out with outcasts, getting tattooed, going to treatments for addictions, being on government aid, and being emotionally expressive. I also lived a lesbian lifestyle in which family members would give me looks of disapproval and contempt. Little did I realize back then what a huge identity issue and confusion I was having as I engaged in many "images" including a hippie, punk rocker, stoner, tweaker, metalhead, and more. In 2003, I worked for a now-famous and prestigious German company called Swiss Wagner, I was led by a very forgiving and merciful Godly owner (Bernard Wagner), who had led me to Jesus Christ. I accepted Jesus Christ and this would be my seed of hope/love/faith that makes me who I am today as a Korean American. I still lived a wayward/sinful life full of pain in damaging myself by destroying my health, potential, and finances. With drugs came abuse including rape, domestic violence, robbery at knifepoint, carjackings, and other dangerous events. I lacked self-control and was lost in darkness. Finally, in Las Vegas on 3/8/13, around 3 am, I surrendered my life and addictions to Jesus Christ. I stopped over 5 addictions (behavioral and substances) overnight after 18 years of wreckage! I became stronger in my true identity as a grateful Korean American, thanks to my Higher Power Jesus Christ who showed me my authentic self He created. I made a 360-degree change in my life for the better! This led me to have an identity at last as a Korean American Christian woman I truly embrace authentically today. It was difficult at first to find close and lasting friendships with Korean or Asian Americans. Trying hard to belong, I ended up feeling rejected and persecuted for being different. I attended Asian churches and felt different. I was lonely not truly fitting in. I felt comfortable in diverse settings that include Asians. I realize I do not have to be like everyone to fit in to feel like a Korean American. Today, I am a public speaker and leader where I serve at my church's Celebrate Recovery for Saddleback Church in Torrance, CA. I am a double Ph.D. student of Counseling Psychology and a Ph.D. of Christian Theology. I work as a therapist for addicts and mental health. Due to rebellion from my culture and embracing myself as a Korean American Christian today, I live a purposeful and meaningful life of valuing and loving all cultures that taught me to be who I am today. I am preparing for global mission/evangelism internationally while learning my 5th language! What I rebelled from turned out to set me apart to love and value everyone at a deeper level. I appreciate today how Asian Americans respect their elders, have manners, formalities, value education, are responsible, and value prosperity with hard work. I am truly grateful today for being a Korean American that is compassionate, down-to-earth, unique, independent, empowered, assertive, outspoken in love, ambitious, and courageous. I learned that hate and differences should not cause division but should deepen love, acceptance, and bonding. All it starts with is an open mind with understanding. I discovered that being different in a healthy/positive way is a gift, blessing, and honor that engages me to be a leader, not a follower. I use my testimony for others for God to share messages to love themselves and others.

My name is Annes Jeongeun Chu and I am a Korean American Ph.D. student. I've learned as I've matured in age, to never compromise who I truly am because going against who I am has limited my potential for compassion, understanding, acceptance, and love. I grew up with a mother who is Korean by blood but born and raised in Osaka, Japan. My father was born and raised in Seoul, Korea. Interestingly, my parents got married through traditional match-making by family members. They did not speak or understand the same language, so managed to communicate with each other through the use of Chinese characters. Chinese characters are used by both Koreans and Japanese as part of their language in writing. These common characters by writing developed the communication and understanding between my parents. My mother then taught herself the Korean language with fluent competency, which she used to teach me and my sisters, the Korean language, with a Japanese influence/accent. After my older sister, Angela was born, my parents immigrated to American during the late 1970s. I was then first to be born in the US in 1980. Growing up with my family was very difficult, not only due to cultural differences but because of the abusive household and upbringing throughout the entirety of my youth. My father was an alcoholic and abused my mother physically, mentally, and emotionally. Also, he abused me and my two sisters. I was abused physically, emotionally, mentally, and sexually. Due to the abusive nature of my father, my mother abused me and my sisters as well, out of the stress and frustration of my father. A series of unfortunate and traumatic events occurred to me when I was going through puberty, including molestation by a Vietnamese young man and further trauma from my father. When I became an adolescent, I became withdrawn from my Asian culture and resorted to rebellion. I rebelled against the law, school, my culture, and God. I was a complete truant, in which I was caught many times using drugs in high school. I was kicked out of 2 boarding schools, expelled from 2 public high schools, and could not seem to stay in school. I betrayed the close-knit group of Asian American friends I had. These were friends who were from our parents' culture. They were highly intelligent, talented, and good friends. I chose to affiliate with a rebellious crowd instead and began my journey of drug addiction, as well as a wayward lifestyle that almost ended my life. I did not realize it at the time, but I was rebelling against my own culture. I began to resent and hate my own Asian culture, including fellow Asian Americans to fit in with the wrong crowd at school. I didn't think at the time what the psychological reasons were for having this ungrateful attitude. From around 1994-2013, I committed myself to a life of drugs, other behavioral addictions, and engaging in behaviors that were not typical of being an Asian American at all. The conflict I had within, which I now realize as a psychologically educated woman, was the fact that I came from a family and culture that is accepting of abusing women and children. I grew up with an Asian culture that did not acknowledge the emotions or pain of children, so I was not raised with the emotional nurture that I needed to be confident, have healthy self-esteem, and healthy discipline. It was highly discouraged for me to speak my mind as Americans are encouraged to do so. In American, it is against the law to punish children in abusive ways. Experiencing friends and other families that in my experience, were so lenient/flexible/relaxed compared to the punishing and strict Asian family I grew up in, was extremely appealing to me. I discovered that I felt the freedom to do what I want without needing the approval of my Asian culture. I also had conflicts with language barriers with my parents, which made it hard to express myself in a way that they understand. I learned that true freedom is not just doing anything I want without caring about negative consequences. I learned that freedom is about embracing who I am (culturally, spiritually and inner good strengths I have), as well as being free from the bondage of a sinful life to escape the trauma. After almost 2 decades of escaping my culture and immersing myself in other cultures, I became a chameleon who can relate to anyone. In 2013 when I surrendered to Jesus Christ, I quit my many addictions (multiple drugs, criminal behaviors, toxic/unhealthy influences, smoking, gambling, and more) overnight! By the grace of God, I became a sober/responsible/reliable/committed believer of Christ. The love, forgiveness, restoration, and healing of God saved my life from the destruction that could've led to death! Since 2013, I've dedicated my life to appreciate and be grateful for who I am instead of destroying who I am: a Korean American Christian lady who now lives up to my best potential God gives me that I did not realize I had all along. Today, I am over 8 years sober in recovery, always giving restitution by helping others, working as an Alcohol and Drug Counselor, an avid volunteer, a preacher to the disadvantaged population, and a 4.0 Ph.D. student of Counseling Psychology. In my first years back to college, I took courses in Korean and Japanese to embrace my identity as an Asian American and overcome language barriers. I also took classes in Spanish and German. I embrace today being an intelligent, gifted, talented, loving, and successful Asian American who is responsible. Loving my own culture/ethnicity has made my heart bigger/forgiving for myself and others, as God loves us. This is my current perception and experience of true freedom. Living rightfully, my Asian American identity has helped me to understand who I am: secure, confident, grateful, happier, accepting, and at peace with myself. I will always embrace my Asian American identity.