I’m never not in an art class. In elementary and middle school I always had an art elective, every summer I’m in an art program, and now I’m at the High School of Art and Design, where I study fine art every day. For my entire life, art studios have been places for me to grow, explore who I am, and create what I want. I’ve always belonged in an art studio. There’s nothing more I want than to create those places for future generations. I want to be an art teacher that creates a studio that is welcoming, a place for artists to belong, because I’ve always had that space. I’ve only recently realized that this desire to be a teacher is extremely Filipino. I’ve known from a young age through our huge family gatherings and my grandma’s constant dinner invites and all the gifts from Titas at church that hospitality is a Filipino value. We have a culture of giving. But I never thought I was a part of this culture, because I want to be a teacher, and I thought of teachers as merely instructors for a long time. But as I’ve worked closely with art teachers and seen the way they give themselves to their students, and work tirelessly to make their studios welcoming spaces, I’ve realized that the core of being a teacher is hospitality and giving. So my aching desire to be a teacher is extremely Filipino. I’m second generation, and I often feel distant from the culture, always aching to be more connected to where I come from. I look constantly for things within myself that are Filipino, to give me a sense of pride and belonging. It’s been amazing for me to realize that my love of supporting others is a part of my Filipino blood - I am a piece of the beautiful tapestry of care that Filipinos weave. I feel so encouraged, bolstered, and inspired in my journey to be a teacher, knowing that I am backed by so many Filipinos that also dedicate their lives to caring for others. My father is a pastor, and also runs a program called Table of Nations where people from all over our neighborhood come together and share a meal. My mother has been a stay at home mom for most of my life, and recently has branched out to work part time as a teacher and also founded a nonprofit that provides meals to people in our neighborhood who are unhoused. My Tito Gray is an art director, and always asks how my art is going, giving me deafening high fives each time I tell him I won an award. He’s lending me his apartment for my 18th birthday party, no problem. I feel so much pride in my family when I think about how giving and selfless they are. With the help of this scholarship, I will be earning a Bachelor of Fine Arts, and eventually get my Masters in Arts Education. I want to develop a strong foundation and explore myself as an artist first, so that I have a range of experiences and skills that will make me a better teacher. I want to support my students tirelessly, to make sacrifices every day so they have a studio they belong in, a space to grow as artists and individuals. I am extremely proud to have the fundamental Filipino values of hospitality and care, and am eager to put them into use to support my students the way that Filipinos have been doing for the world for generations.

I have been making art since I was old enough to hold a crayon. Having good and caring art teachers has always been invaluable to growing my skills and developing my artistic voice. Because of how instrumental welcoming art spaces and kind art teachers has been to my experience, it is so important to me to be able to find ways to pay that forward, and create those kinds of spaces for younger artists. It is also important to me to make sure that younger artists have the same kind, caring, and knowledgeable teachers that I had. I have realized that I can accomplish those things by being an art teacher. I started volunteering at my church in the sixth grade, and over time I have realized that I have a true passion for being able to share my love of art with kids. Every Sunday I help kids to explore their imaginations and express themselves through various crafts, and I’ve realized that it gives me a joy that is matched by little else. I began to seek out opportunities to really explore if teaching art is the path for me. In the summer of 2023, I had the absolutely amazing opportunity to be an intern through Studio in a School at a public school in Sunnyside, Queens. I worked there as an art teacher, and the experience was completely eye opening. During mock lessons in our training, I realized that I had a real gift for being able to talk about art. I have been studying drawing and painting for my whole life, and through my studies I have acquired a lot of knowledge that I am so eager to be able to share with others. The mock lessons helped me to realize that even though I'm normally an anxious person in front of a large group, when I am talking about art, my love for it makes me articulate and confident in a way that I wasn’t before. Working directly with the kids was a dream. I was with a rowdy bunch of second graders that were always so full of excitement to create collages and paint pictures. Through these experiences, it became extremely clear to me that being an art teacher is a magnetic calling. Winning the Valorena Publishing & Cocoa Kids Collection Scholarship would be an amazing step towards getting the education that I need in order to be an art teacher. I want to be able to get an undergraduate degree in Fine Arts, in order to truly explore and understand my own artistic voice so that I am a better teacher for my students who will be finding their own voices. After I graduate, I plan to pursue a Masters degree in Art Education. I want to learn everything I can so that I can be the best possible art teacher for my students. I am also currently in an arts high school, and winning this scholarship would be so helpful in purchasing the art supplies I need in order to continue furthering my education and honing my technical skills. Without the creative and safe art spaces I had access to growing up, I would not be the artist I am today. I am so excited to be able to support the next generation of amazing artists. They deserve every bit of the support that I was so generously given from my teachers, and I am working hard to make sure they receive it!

Lately, half my heart has been with someone that I no longer speak to. I recently went through a very difficult falling out with an extremely close friend of mine. Taylor’s song “Now That We Don’t Talk” really resonated with me, and helped me to come to terms with my grief. It would be the top song from 1989 (Taylor’s Version) on my year’s soundtrack. After the falling out, it was excruciatingly difficult to come to terms with the fact that I could no longer talk to someone that I had loved for so long. I had such an intense desire to speak to my ex friend again, despite the fact that we had ended our friendship for good reason. She had been a core part of my life for so long, and my mind was constantly filled with thoughts like “what if I just said hi?” and “why can’t I just text her?” I knew in my head that it was good for both of us to not be friends anymore, but my heart longed to speak again. Listening to “Now That We Don’t Talk” on repeat was so important to me because the repetition of the phrase “now that we don’t talk” forced me to acknowledge over and over that me and my ex friend don’t talk anymore, and that is final. That acknowledgement was essential to my healing. The song not only helped me to accept the state of the relationship, it also comforted me throughout my sadness. Even though “Now That We Don’t Talk” is a generally upbeat song, it is laced with grief. Especially in the beginning, there is a melancholy in the way that she sings, “You went to a party, I heard from everybody / You part the crowd like the Red Sea, don’t even get me started / Did you get anxious, though, on the way home? / I guess i’ll never, ever know / Now that we don’t talk”. These opening lyrics are my favorite. I think they perfectly encapsulate the way suddenly ceasing all communication with someone you used to love feels. There is an admiration and love that still lingers, which only serves to fuel the many, many questions that spring up. The questions are inevitable when you used to share so much of your life with someone. I used to know everything about my ex friend, and now I don’t know anything about what she’s doing, what she thinks, or how she feels. When we were best friends, I would’ve absolutely known how she felt walking into a party, because I would’ve either been right by her side, or she would’ve told me all about it when she got home. Now, I’m just left to wonder. Talking to her and knowing how she felt used to be second nature, and now it’s something I‘ll never experience again. Taylor’s lyrics helped me to really feel my grief and put it in to words, and then to solidify the reality of the situation. I’ll never, ever know how she’s feeling, now that we don’t talk. However, I’m beginning to feel that I’m okay, despite all of that. It’s been a couple months and I’ve gone through such an important healing process. The experience has really helped me to learn that I deserve kindness, especially from myself, because it’s so necessary for healing. I am treating myself better now because of the lessons I’ve learned from the loss than I ever did previously. So: I guess maybe I am better off - now that we don’t talk!

Every morning before my dad left for work, he would take me out of my crib and place me in my mother's arms. For the rest of the morning, she would read to me, going through the same stack of books every day. I have been reading ever since then, and that's a big reason why I love it. I grew up going to the library every week and a half, finishing a book a day, and always having a book on me. Books are familiar and comforting because they have been a part of my life for so long. Getting completely lost in an incredible story, clinging on to every last word, makes me feel like a little kid again, tucked up into a ball in the corner of her couch. Books are also comforting because they almost always have happy endings. Even if everything isn't working out in my life, it's going well in the book, and that gives me a little hope. I also enjoy reading because it's so enthralling that it provides me with an escape from my life. When I read a good story, the rest of the world fades away. Suddenly I'm unearthing age old family secrets or parkouring across rooftops or seeing the love of my life for the first time. Reading allows me to get caught up in other people's petty dramas and embarrassing experiences instead of my own. Lasty, I enjoy reading because it makes me feel seen. I read "They Could Have Named Her Anything", by Stephanie Jiminez, I was ecstatic because the main character, a Latina high schooler named Maria, was so similar to me. She lived in Queens, New York City, and traveled on the subway for an hour everyday in order to get to her high school in Manhattan, which was an environment that she had to heavily adapt to because it was so different from life in her apartment with her family. As a teenage girl of color who lives in an apartment with her family and takes the train every morning to get to her high school in the city, I share the exact same experience. Reading that book felt like the author had written her story especially for me. I felt thoroughly seen and understood. Reading is a beautiful thing because it has the ability to make someone feel like they belong and are understood, even if it's just within the pages of a book.