My experience with mental health has completely influenced my beliefs and career aspirations. I completed my undergraduate degree in Human Development and Family Sciences and am pursuing my master's in school counseling because I want to make a positive impact on student's mental health. I have a lot of family members who struggle with mental health and have struggled myself. My childhood experiences are what inspired me to pursue a career in the mental health field so that I can take those experiences and use them to help others. My mom has struggled with depression and had a suicide attempt when I was a senior in high school. My uncle had numerous suicide attempts while using substances throughout my time as a high school student. My dad sexually assaulted my best friend in high school, and likely me when I was a child resulting in loss of memory of a lot of my childhood. My sister struggled with an eating disorder and still struggles with depression as well as OCD. I also struggled with an eating disorder and still struggle at times with anxiety. Despite these set backs, my family has been able to overcome a lot and we can all really rely on each other. I think this experience of overcoming adversity can serve as a positive example for students with mental health struggles and for students with family members experiencing negative mental health. This has influenced my beliefs in that I take a strengths-based approach when considering individuals who are struggling rather than viewing them as weak. For example, my beliefs on individuals with substance use disorders have changed in the way that I understand that for a lot of those individuals, they found a substance because they weren't able to cope on their own. My experience with mental health has also influenced my relationships. A strength of mine is the ability to have empathy to understand what others are going through. I consistently check in on my loved ones and on their mental health so that they know they are not alone. In addition, when working with students I check in on the mental health and try to normalize being open about discussing emotions. Mental health may not physically present itself in individuals so it is important to have conversations about it. I have also tried to share my education on mental health with those around me because there are often misconceptions about it shown throughout the media, especially as social media grows. I am also able to see the value in self care more than I ever have. I used to see it in less of a serious light and didn't consider the benefits of self care on mental health. An interesting concept I learned about from a speaker at a convention was self care versus self soothing. Self soothing may calm you down for the time being but, in the long run, it will not benefit your mental health. If I just eat a bunch of candy to make myself feel better, it may work in the moment but it will actually decrease my mental health in the future.

The loss of a loved one due to suicide comes with an abundance of emotions. Not only are you grieving the loss but there is a sense of anger that can be difficult to navigate. This past month my close family friend shot and killed his wife and then shot and killed himself. The impact has been catastrophic on not only my life but on the lives of everyone who was connected to them. They left behind five children so the main emotion that I have been focused on is worry about them and just trying to find ways in which I can support them. I will also be moving back home to Las Vegas from Boise to be there for the family. I also feel confusion as they appeared so happy, even on the night it happened which was his birthday. My own mother and my uncle have also had past suicide attempts so this brought up feelings of almost losing them as well. I have been dealing with the loss by focusing on what I can do to support the children. In addition, I have been checking in on all of my loved ones more frequently so that they know they are not alone. For self care, I have been exercising at least four days a week which is really beneficial for me, even if it is just a walk with my dog. I have also been focusing on future plans and events that I have to look forward to which has proven to be beneficial. The plan to move back to Las Vegas excites me as I will be living a lot closer to my family and to our family friends. Life is too short to have to take a plane ride to see them just a few times a year. As it happened recently, I have not overcome this loss and I know that this loss will be heavy on my heart for a very long time, especially as the five children experience big life events such as their weddings without either of their parents there. It has taught me that life is delicate and even the "happiest" of people may be going through something very serious. As a current paraprofessional I have become more mindful about checking in with my students regarding their mental health and I have done the same with family members. As a current master's student for school counseling I will consider this loss and always remember to check in with students regarding mental health. In addition, as a counselor I will make it known that students can come to me and have a conversation regarding suicide and mental health. A common societal message directed towards men is that emotions are a sign of weakness which, in this loss, may have been a factor in why he did not seek professional help. All students I work with now and in the future, regardless of gender identity, will receive the message that it is okay to talk about mental health and it actually shows strength, not weakness.