How many dead people have you seen? How many victims of violence or trauma? For most of us, the number is thankfully small. We have experience with an older relative passing, something “expected.” Imagine how much violence, trauma and death our first responders see – and what havoc it wreaks on the psyche. If the mass exodus of first responders during the pandemic tells us anything, is that our nurses, firefighters, EMTs and doctors need mental health services - STAT. Even the most hardened professional can bear witness to so much death, despair and suffering without tapping out. Suicide rates among first responders are alarmingly high. Yes, they have training, but no one can be completely hardened to the trauma. The same hard-working, resilient, and self-sufficient qualities that help them achieve professional success often keeps them from getting help they need. I have been drawn to the world of health service and its inhabitants; perhaps because my childhood was spent in and out of hospitals and being ferried to appointments, it feels more like home than scary. In and out of school, I sought experiences to learn more: I am currently an EMT in training, I loved learning about the inner workings of hospitals and people within while a participant and volunteer in the UCI Summer Surgery Program; and seeing firefighters, EMTs, chaplains and emergency personnel as real people, not gods, while at OC Fire Authority Girls Empowerment Camp fanned the flames of my interest. But what kicked my interest in Psychology into high gear is when I had a downturn in my mental health during my sophomore and junior years of high school… Who knew the exciting prospect of a two-week spring break freshman year would morph into what it did? When the pandemic hit, all immersive learning ceased, replaced with worksheets and Zoom meetings. Sophomore year started at the kitchen table. No anticipation, picking out a first-day outfit or posing for a photo for Mom as I rushed out the door. In front of a screen for seven hours, it was hard to focus. My passion for learning faded. A pandemic-induced hermit, I was in a funk and anxiety crept in. Depressed, falling behind, and even afraid to see my beloved grandparents fearing I was an asymptomatic Coronavirus murder machine. “Junior year is the most important year of high school,” is the mantra of many an academic counselor. For me, the year we came back “in person” and my annus horribilis. What is now termed learning loss was apparent; teachers telling us “You should have learned this last year…” I didn’t. Overwhelmed, my grades dropped, making the anxiety worse, a complete failure in my mind. My conscious begged for help. The doctor diagnosed inattentive ADHD (commonly overlooked in girls) and anxiety. My diagnosis made so much sense, I felt validated, what was happening was not due to my inability to keep up, it was because online learning doesn’t work for how I learn. Since, I have been able to better educate myself on how to manage my mental health and have thankfully rebounded through newly learned coping mechanisms. Because of this experience, I am a better advocate for myself and have an intensified curiosity about learning, mental health, and the brain. With my personal experience and future training, I will speak the same language, have a shared understanding and provide credible care as a mental health advocate. College will help me continue my education to gain the tools, knowledge, and credentials to provide mental health services to those at the core of our public health and safety system.

If the mass exodus of first responders during the pandemic tells us anything, is that our nurses, firefighters, EMTs and doctors need mental health services - STAT. Even the most hardened professional can bear witness to so much death, despair and suffering without tapping out. Suicide rates among first responders are alarmingly high. Yes, they have the training, but no one can be completely inured. The same hard-working, resilient, and self-sufficient qualities that help them reach their calling often keep them from getting the help they need. I have been drawn to the world of health service and its inhabitants; perhaps because my childhood was spent in and out of hospitals and being ferried to appointments, it feels more like home than scary. In and out of school, I sought experiences to learn more: I am currently an EMT in training and plan to work while in school. I loved learning about the inner workings of hospitals and people while a participant and volunteer in the UCI Summer Surgery Program; and seeing firefighters, EMTs, chaplains and emergency personnel as real people, not gods, while at Orange County Fire Authority Girls Empowerment Camp fanned the flames of my interest. My dream is to become a clinical research psychiatrist and contribute to scientific findings on human behavior and coping mechanisms to help our first responder safety net. I have a personal experience with the importance of mental health care and am passionate about people getting the help they need. Who knew the exciting prospect of a two-week spring break freshman year would morph into what it did? When the pandemic hit, all immersive learning ceased, replaced with worksheets and Zoom meetings. Sophomore year started at the kitchen table. No anticipation, picking out a first-day outfit or posing for a photo for mom as I rushed out the door. In front of a screen for seven hours, it was hard to focus. My passion faded. A pandemic-induced hermit, I was in a funk and anxiety crept in. Depressed, falling behind, and even afraid to see my beloved grandparents fearing I was an asymptomatic Coronavirus murder machine. “Junior year is the most important year of high school,” is the mantra of many an academic counselor. For me, the year we came back “in person” and my annus horribilis. What is now termed learning loss was apparent; teachers telling us “you should have learned this last year…” We didn’t. Overwhelmed, my grades dropped, making the anxiety worse, a complete failure in my mind. My conscious begged for help. The doctor diagnosed inattentive ADHD (commonly overlooked in girls) and anxiety. My diagnosis made so much sense, I felt validated, what was happening was not due to my inability to keep up, it was because online learning doesn’t work for how I learn. Since then, I have been able to better educate myself on how to manage my disorder, and I have thankfully rebounded through newly learned coping mechanisms. Because of this experience, I am now a better advocate for myself and have an intensified curiosity about learning, mental health, and the brain. My dream is to become a clinical research psychiatrist and contribute to scientific findings on human behavior and coping mechanisms to help our first responder safety net. Living in California is expensive, and my family has had some issues - illness/unemployment/disability so a huge education nest egg does not exist. I plan on going to medical school, and work the public sector and have a rewarding career. This scholarship will provide me the ability to fund my dream. Thank you for this consideration.

If the mass exodus of first responders during the pandemic tells us anything, is that our nurses, firefighters, EMTs and doctors need mental health services - STAT. Even the most hardened professional can bear witness to so much death, despair and suffering without tapping out. Suicide rates among first responders are alarmingly high. Yes, they have the training, but no one can be completely inured. The same hard-working, resilient, and self-sufficient qualities that help them reach their calling often keep them from getting the help they need. I have been drawn to the world of health service and its inhabitants; perhaps because my childhood was spent in and out of hospitals and being ferried to appointments, it feels more like home than scary. In and out of school, I sought experiences to learn more: I am currently an EMT in training and plan to work while in school. I loved learning about the inner workings of hospitals and people while a participant and volunteer in the UCI Summer Surgery Program; and seeing firefighters, EMTs, chaplains and emergency personnel as real people, not gods, while at Orange County Fire Authority Girls Empowerment Camp fanned the flames of my interest. My dream is to become a clinical research psychiatrist and contribute to scientific findings on human behavior and coping mechanisms to help our first responder safety net. I have a personal experience with the importance of mental health care and am passionate about people getting the help they need. Who knew the exciting prospect of a two-week spring break freshman year would morph into what it did? When the pandemic hit, all immersive learning ceased, replaced with worksheets and Zoom meetings. Sophomore year started at the kitchen table. No anticipation, picking out a first-day outfit or posing for a photo for mom as I rushed out the door. In front of a screen for seven hours, it was hard to focus. My passion faded. A pandemic-induced hermit, I was in a funk and anxiety crept in. Depressed, falling behind, and even afraid to see my beloved grandparents fearing I was an asymptomatic Coronavirus murder machine. “Junior year is the most important year of high school,” is the mantra of many an academic counselor. For me, the year we came back “in person” and my annus horribilis. What is now termed learning loss was apparent; teachers telling us “you should have learned this last year…” We didn’t. Overwhelmed, my grades dropped, making the anxiety worse, a complete failure in my mind. My conscious begged for help. The doctor diagnosed inattentive ADHD (commonly overlooked in girls) and anxiety. My diagnosis made so much sense, I felt validated, what was happening was not due to my inability to keep up, it was because online learning doesn’t work for how I learn. Since then, I have been able to better educate myself on how to manage my disorder, and I have thankfully rebounded through newly learned coping mechanisms. Because of this experience, I am now a better advocate for myself and have an intensified curiosity about learning, mental health, and the brain. My dream is to become a clinical research psychiatrist and contribute to scientific findings on human behavior and coping mechanisms to help our first responder safety net. Living in California is expensive, and my family has had some issues - illness/unemployment/disability - so a huge education nest egg does not exist. I plan on going to medical school, and work the public sector and have a rewarding career. This scholarship will provide me the ability to fund my dream. Thank you for this consideration.

If the mass exodus of first responders during the pandemic tells us anything, is that our nurses, firefighters, EMTs and doctors need mental health services - STAT. Even the most hardened professional can bear witness to so much death, despair and suffering without tapping out. Suicide rates among first responders are alarmingly high. Yes, they have the training, but no one can be completely inured. The same hard-working, resilient, and self-sufficient qualities that help them reach their calling often keep them from getting the help they need. I have been drawn to the world of health service and its inhabitants; perhaps because my childhood was spent in and out of hospitals and being ferried to appointments, it feels more like home than scary. In and out of school, I sought experiences to learn more: I am currently an EMT in training and plan to work while in school. I loved learning about the inner workings of hospitals and people while a participant and volunteer in the UCI Summer Surgery Program; and seeing firefighters, EMTs, chaplains and emergency personnel as real people, not gods, while at Orange County Fire Authority Girls Empowerment Camp fanned the flames of my interest. My dream is to become a clinical research psychiatrist and contribute to scientific findings on human behavior and coping mechanisms to help our first responder safety net. I have a personal experience with the importance of mental health care and am passionate about people getting the help they need. Who knew the exciting prospect of a two-week spring break freshman year would morph into what it did? When the pandemic hit, all immersive learning ceased, replaced with worksheets and Zoom meetings. Sophomore year started at the kitchen table. No anticipation, picking out a first-day outfit or posing for a photo for mom as I rushed out the door. In front of a screen for seven hours, it was hard to focus. My passion faded. A pandemic-induced hermit, I was in a funk and anxiety crept in. Depressed, falling behind, and even afraid to see my beloved grandparents fearing I was an asymptomatic Coronavirus murder machine. “Junior year is the most important year of high school,” is the mantra of many an academic counselor. For me, the year we came back “in person” and my annus horribilis. What is now termed learning loss was apparent; teachers telling us “you should have learned this last year…” We didn’t. Overwhelmed, my grades dropped, making the anxiety worse, a complete failure in my mind. My conscious begged for help. The doctor diagnosed inattentive ADHD (commonly overlooked in girls) and anxiety. My diagnosis made so much sense, I felt validated, what was happening was not due to my inability to keep up, it was because online learning doesn’t work for how I learn. Since then, I have been able to better educate myself on how to manage my disorder, and I have thankfully rebounded through newly learned coping mechanisms. Because of this experience, I am now a better advocate for myself and have an intensified curiosity about learning, mental health, and the brain.

In grade school, the PE teacher would call me "Ms. President". I wasn't very good at sports, (let's not kid anyone, my other nickname is "Grace" - for how extremely ungraceful I am) I had some mad diplomacy skills. There is no place more heartbreakingly democratic than an elementary school recess yard. Upon seeing someone upset or excluded, I would lobby team captains to negotiate the kid’s inclusion in the game. Let’s just say I had a lot of heart, but not a lot of skill. I was introduced to running in 8th grade when a family friend “dared” me to run a 10.5-mile marathon practice run. That first run wasn’t pretty -- but it did spark something in me that encouraged me to keep going. I joined the Aliso Niguel Cross Country team and planned on running all four years as a scholar-athlete. To be a distance and competitive runner, you need to be dedicated and persevere when things get uncomfortable. The benefits of this perseverance are many – clear mind, strong body and the ability to take on the next challenge. It definitely helped me manage my attention issues, and I loved the way my mind and body felt after completing a long run. Who knew the exciting prospect of a two-week spring break freshman year would morph into what it did? When the pandemic hit, all immersive learning ceased, replaced with worksheets and Zoom meetings. My sophomore year started at the kitchen table. No anticipation, picking out a first-day outfit or posing for a photo for mom as I rushed out the door. In front of a screen for seven hours, it was hard to focus. My passion faded. A pandemic-induced hermit, I was in a funk and anxiety crept in. Depressed, falling behind, and even afraid to see my beloved grandparents fearing I was an asymptomatic Coronavirus murder machine. “Junior year is the most important year of high school,” is the mantra of many an academic counselor. For me, the year we came back “in person” and my annus horribilis. What is now termed learning loss was apparent; teachers telling us “you should have learned this last year…” We didn’t. Overwhelmed, my grades dropped, making the anxiety worse, a complete failure in my mind. My conscious begged for help. After competing in Cross Country for almost three years, I sustained an injury that kept me from reaching my four-year goal. This was very disappointing, and the lack of exercise combined with Covid uncertainty took a toll. My undiagnosed ADHD flared up and got so bad I finally asked for help, and thankfully I got back on track. The doctor diagnosed inattentive ADHD (commonly overlooked in girls) and anxiety. My diagnosis made so much sense, I felt validated, what was happening was not due to my inability to keep up, it was because online learning doesn’t work for how I learn. Through this experience, I can advocate for myself and have an intensified curiosity about learning, mental health, and the brain. My dream is to become a clinical research psychiatrist and contribute to scientific findings on human behavior and coping mechanisms to help our first responder safety net. Living in California is expensive, and my parents have been through a lot of financial issues (unemployment/disability) so I don't have a huge education nest egg. I plan on going to medical school, and work the public sector which is not a huge paycheck, but very rewarding. This scholarship will provide me the ability to fund my dream and minimize the amount of student loan burden.