RJ Memorial Scholarship

I haven't always had faith in my life... When I was 4, my father who was supposed to be protecting me started raping and abusing me. He did this for some time until I was 10. My parents had divorced when I was 8 and I had "supervised" visitation until I turned 10 and I finally felt like I was done. I didn't realise how much I was hurting inside until people started talking to me and still to this day I can't remember some people when they were talking around me because everything felt like it was going in slow motion. I didn't realize the impact the news would have on my family, especially my mother. I was in trauma therapy but I never spoke out loud about my inner thoughts. I struggled for years with PTSD, depression, anxiety, self-image, self-worth, eating disorders, thoughts of suicide, etc. I tear up as I write this but I want to be real. I asked God a lot of times why it had to be me. Why is it that I had to be dealt a bad hand? What could I have done better? What's wrong with me? Maybe, I wasn't meant for this world or maybe he can't hurt me if I'm not alive. As life goes, as soon as I thought I was accepting it and moving on and finding my God again my grandmother passed away suddenly from ovarian cancer; unexpected on my mother and I's part. She was my protector for a long time and a saviour to me because she was there while my mother had to work to support me. That tore me up so bad I didn't speak for almost a week. I slept a lot during that week because it felt like I was living a bad dream; a nightmare is a better word for it. I moved abruptly after she passed to a little backwoods town in Newton County, AR. My mother had been dating a great guy for a couple of years and we moved in with him to get away from everything and get a new start. I struggled again with my faith because I couldn't accept why she had to be taken away from me and why I had to be the one to cry and wipe my tears. You could say I grew up pretty quickly by this point in my life. Fast forward to almost two years ago, I was going out and doing things that I did to forget that I was hurting from it being years of my father never getting tried in court and my grandmother missing events in my life. I met someone who if you had told me about a couple of months before us connecting again that I would be where I am now I would've called you crazy. This person brought me out of the dark and saw my scars, fears, mistreatment, and pain and still accepted me. They healed me from my brokenness and made me feel loved again. I even apologized for questioning him. This person was God. God saw me struggling and said come here and I will clean it up but you just have to trust me again. Now that I have found God again, I plan to become a Radiology Technologist and be a part of something greater than myself. I want to be the reason someone finds peace and treatment. Who knows, maybe even be the reason they change their point of view. I want to be someone I wish I would have had.

2 Corinthians 5:7 "For we walk by faith, not by sight." Ever since I heard this verse back in 2018, it has helped me understand that we won't see the plan God has for us. Rather, we need to put our absolute trust in him. Day by day we need to live for him, and follow in his footsteps. Yes, I struggle to lead my life from sin, but I know these are situations he throws at me to become stronger. I put my faith in him, and yes, he delivers. I've done a lot of wrongs, but he's helped me do a lot of good. Even through times of depression, Faith alone has struck the sadness away. It does wonder I should say, how faith can turn a boy who weeps alone in his room at night, wanting to end it all, into a man who is content with life around him, who treasures loneliness. All these experiences, yet the only thing that has dug me out of the ground was my faith in the Lord and savior. I am a man with words but driven by observation. I see in the young of this generation all the grief and sadness in their eyes, and they need someone who's gone through things to relate with them. As I have a sister who is entering her early teens, facing the same problems as younger me. I want to help her out of this mentally draining stage and show her the kindness I was never shown. As for the other people, yet I still have my family by heart. I want to guide or help out as much as I can, whether becoming a youth leader of my church or volunteering for the church. Just to show them that being "gangster" and "hard" to look cool will only deteriorate your mental health and your belief. Later down the road, people regret being gangsters, and I would dedicate my life to helping others if possible. We already live in a world full of sin; we don't need broken children to be the next, nor do we need crying mothers grieving the loss of their precious children. I will follow his plan to the end, and put my faith in him. That won't stop me from helping whenever I can. Because in this world, I think we all need a little bit of guidance, from God, our Shepard himself, and us. I believe everyone should have an opportunity for life and happiness, because it is heartbreaking to see the ones we love pass. Everyone deserves a bit of kindness and if we spread it little by little, we can make a huge difference in somebody's life. Show them the love of Jesus Christ, who showed his love when he died on the cross for us.

Trying to make the world a better place is not the easiest thing to do, but I have always wanted to make a positive difference. I know we have the potential to turn this world around for the better, so each day I try doing small actions that will lead to that change. I realize to make a difference in this world I have to start with myself. I believe one of the best ways to make the world a better place is to spread the gospel and let others know who Jesus is. Being a christian has not only made my life better, but it has also given me the courage to share the word of God with others. I always remind myself that I may be the only bible that some unbelievers will ever read; therefore, I must always let my christinaity shine through. There have been so many times people have come to me for encouragement during their most difficult moments. Specifically in the past, I had a friend come to me in one of her darkest times while she was battling with suicidal thoughts. I am so thankful she saw me as a person she could come to and that I was able to remind her of how valuable her life is. To continue bettering this world, I also try my best to always be kind. Simply smiling at someone I see in a store can drastically change their mood or day. I love giving people compliments, holding the door, and being extra polite. Being kind doesn’t cost anything and I believe more people should be this way. Another way I help this world is by constantly giving. I am so thankful God continually blesses my family and I. Therefore, I believe the least I can do is give to others. I always go through my closet and take out some clothes that I can donate to people who need them more than me. I was also taught at a young age the importance of giving to the church. When I got my first job I began giving a portion of my paycheck back to God. Overall the world can become a better place by doing so many different things. I know that it will take effort from everyone to truly see a change one day; however, I am proud to say that I’ve gotten a head start. I will continue to give, spread the word of God, be kind, and so much more because I know that’s what’s best.

To help others I had to first become who I was called to be. On August 28th, 2016 I surrendered to Ministry at my home church, FBC Danville in Danville, Arkansas. I wrestled for months with this decision of surrendering after past sins and struggles. What came after that was a weight lifted off my shoulders because from that moment moving forward I have been able to be who God called and created me to be. 4 years ago in 2018 I had a very difficult moment where I thought ministry was going to be over. As a 9-year-old boy, I was raped and molested by someone my parents trusted to watch me. I never spoke about it and never revealed it to anyone, but the person who did it was in a bad way and tried to reveal that story as a way to get my father to help him in a situation he needed assistance with. When this was revealed to me I went thru a lot of emotions that had been bottled up and covered up over the years with prescription substance abuse and other poor choices. I went to therapy for months and was able to finally speak about my experiences to my youth group. On that night we had several youth kids in tears and were finally able to see someone else they looked up to had been thru rough times as well. Your prompt question is asking how we've helped others and this story is one of them. I'm not afraid to let my past mistakes and past experiences be a crutch that I try not to let the Lord use, but rather allow the Lord to use my life and my story in a way that he shines thru all that he has gotten me thru. I will graduate in the Spring from Ouachita Baptist University with a bachelor's degree in Christian studies with an emphasis in Theology. That degree will go to help me as I take pastor jobs and teach God's grace and Jesus Christ's sacrifice on the cross for everyone. After that, I am accepted into Grand Canyon University's graduate program for Licensed Mental Health Counseling. I want to help others at an earlier stage than me get help and be a resource for others when life puts them thru the fire. That way even if I am called to a full-time pastor position I can use my degrees and training to better serve others, and if I remain bi-vocational then I am better equipped to help others in the secular world as well as in my church and community. Thank you for your consideration and God Bless Andrew Papasan