As an autistic individual who has faced the trauma of rape and the struggles of experiencing racism as a person of color by the hands of a Jehovah witness member, my journey to leave the Jehovah's Witnesses was deeply influenced by a desire for acceptance, growth, and spiritual connection. The weight of these experiences made me feel disconnected and searching for a place where I could truly belong and thrive.
Since leaving or contemplating leaving the organization, I have embarked on a profound path of personal growth and self-discovery. Through therapy, self-help work, and emotional intelligence classes, I have delved deep into my human experience, exploring philosophies and intelligence to better understand myself and the world around me. Being autistic has driven me to seek independence and cultivate my inner genius, pushing me to chart my own course towards healing and enlightenment.
Leaving or considering leaving the Jehovah's Witnesses has been a catalyst for immense personal evolution. I have embraced autonomy, critical thinking, and expanded spiritual beliefs beyond the confines of organized religion. This departure has allowed me to foster self-awareness, empathy, and a broader perspective on spirituality that aligns with my true essence and values. It has been a transformational journey of self-reflection and empowerment.
Despite lacking a traditional support system, I have found solace in my faith, personal growth practices, and therapeutic tools. My inner strength, resilience, and unwavering determination have become pillars to lean on during this pivotal transition. The wisdom gained from therapy, emotional intelligence classes, and the depths of my philosophical exploration have fortified my ability to navigate this journey with grace and introspection. My commitment to thriving independently speaks volumes about my resilience and my quest for personal fulfillment and connection with God.
In conclusion, my decision to part ways with the Jehovah's Witnesses is a testament to my courage, resilience, and unwavering pursuit of growth and acceptance. By choosing this transformative path, I am actively shaping my personal narrative, seeking wisdom, and forging connections that resonate with my deepest values and aspirations. My journey reflects a profound commitment to living authentically, finding solace in spirituality, and honing the brilliance that exists within me.
As an individual on a journey of personal growth, my autism has been both a challenge and a gift in my pursuit to program AI and make a meaningful impact in the lives of others. My unique neurological wiring has provided me with a distinct perspective on the world, allowing me to approach programming AI in a deeply human, personalized, and philosophical manner. By merging my autistic tendencies with my passion for technology and artificial intelligence, I aim to create innovative solutions that address societal issues and help individuals in profound ways.
Through my experiences with therapy, self-help work, and emotional intelligence classes, I have cultivated a deep sense of empathy, understanding, and resilience that informs my approach to programming AI. My commitment to helping others stems from a desire to leverage my talents and insights to build systems that positively impact society. I believe that by infusing my work with creativity, compassion, and depth, I can contribute to the advancement of AI technology while maintaining a human-centered focus on improving lives.
The love of God and my spiritual journey have played a transformative role in my healing process, leading me to find forgiveness for my rapist. Despite the profound pain and trauma I endured, my faith has guided me towards a path of forgiveness, compassion, and inner peace. By embracing the love of God, I have transcended the shackles of resentment and anger, allowing me to release the burden of hatred and pain. Through this act of forgiveness, I have liberated myself from the chains of the past and opened my heart to a future filled with hope, healing, and divine grace.
Being gay and a witness is a rough combo. I was born into a very "spiritual" family and got baptized when I was 12. It wasn't long after that I started to come to terms with my sexuality.
It affected my mental health. It didn't make sense how I was doing everything for Jehovah and had to deal with this when everyone else was "normal". I read every article under the sun but it didn’t help. If being gay was a bad habit, a kink, and a choice, why did it not go away when it was something I hated about myself so much?
I thought being the best witness would "fix" me. When I was 17 I began pioneering and later became an MS at 18. For years, I shut my mind off to stay focused on the "truth". I couldn't handle the tears, suicidal thoughts, and sleepless nights I had during my teens. My family would always make fun of me for being emotionless but I had to avoid acknowledging that I was gay and alone. Instead, I did as much as I could in the congregation so I wouldn't have to think.
When the pandemic hit and witness life paused, I had no choice but to face this elephant in the room, and how unhappy I was. I started talking to people online through dating apps. It didn't take long for me to realize that what the Watchtower says about being gay is not true. It is more than a sexual perversion, the romantic connections are the same as any straight relationship. There is nothing harmful about it.
That was the first time I ever disagreed with the Watchtower. All it took was one unshakeable doubt that caused that "strong foundation" of faith to come crashing down. More and more I noticed doctrinal flaws. I was willing to give up so much of myself believing in their promises, but if they are wrong then what's the point?
Growing up, I was always a good student but was only allowed to get an associate's degree at a community college. I dreamed of having a real college experience but never dared express that desire. I graduated summa cum laude with an associate's in Information Technology. I became a part-time web developer, but it made very little. I was 25 with no career, no money, and was living with my parents and I needed an exit plan. I used the time in the pandemic to focus on my coding so I could get a sustainable job. I eventually did, found an apartment, and moved out. That was a huge step in being able to untangle my life.
While living on my own, I made my first "worldly" friend and started dating someone who would eventually become my boyfriend. Those two helped me see a life on the other side. They also made me realize just how empathetic and kind-hearted "worldly" people are. I learned that conduct does not equate to your qualities. A gay man with tattoos who curses, and watches violent movies can have more empathy, love, and compassion than any witness. You don't need a "Bible-trained conscience" to be a good person.
One night, I was telling my friend about my situation as a witness. He told me that regardless of whether or not I chose to leave, he would always support me. That stunned me. What a contrast to how witnesses view relationships. It was the first time I felt unconditional love.
I lived a double life for a short time, but once it was announced that door-to-door would resume, I knew that was my deadline. Never again would I knock on a door and try and sell this misery.
My parents are too insane and controlling for me to be able to fade. I had to face them. This was the hardest thing I ever had to do, and I was deeply afraid of my father. I never disobeyed him in my life and never spoke negatively about the religion. I had to tell the person I feared the most the worst thing he could hear.
On Sept 6, 2022, I went to their house, told them I was gay, and that I was done with the "truth". It's too difficult for me to describe how that night went, or the weeks that followed, but it was done and I was free. I refused to talk to the elders, so the hall had a marking talk about me a month later. As hard as it was, I am so unbelievably proud of myself for having the confidence to face them and speak my "truth".
There has been an immense amount of healing I have gone through. I used to think I was worthless, unloveable, and destined to be alone. I've now learned to value myself, love myself, and stand up for myself. I love the person that I've become. I wish my family would bump into me and see the person they were never allowed to see. The boy without emotions has a full heart.
My bold departure had an impact on others too. A few months after leaving, my cousin left. Shortly thereafter, two of my close friends left. They told me it was my leaving that woke them up, which made everything I went through more than worth it. Between my amazing boyfriend, and my close friends old and new, I have my own little family.
As time goes on, I can build my identity beyond this cult I happened to be born into. Some in my life have given me a pep talk about discovering my potential since I was always a good student and no longer needed to limit myself. I am now pursuing the Computer Science bachelor's degree my parents wouldn't let me have. This scholarship would be a huge help to me in paying my tuition so I can see what I can make of myself in this life.
