Elevate Mental Health Awareness Scholarship

Though I am only in my mid 20's, I have already had the experience of living with Major Depressive Disorder for the past 8 years. To make it to this point in my life, I have had to endure many trials, face stigma and judgment from family and friends, try medication after medication, and engage in countless therapy sessions. I would not wish this condition on anyone else, because it has proven to be very difficult to deal with. However, living with Major Depressive Disorder has brought good into my life, as it has led me to my current career path in social work, and has resulted in me believing I have a purpose in helping others who are facing similar challenges. Transitioning from an adolescent who struggled with suicidal thoughts and saw no future for her life to now being an adult in graduate school is a huge accomplishment for me. Years ago, I saw no purpose for myself and even had a difficult time passing my courses to make it to my high school graduation. I was hospitalized multiple times and was absent too many days of school to be able to make up my missed coursework before my graduation date. However, through the dedicated help of teachers and my guidance counselor, I courageously made it to June 10, 2016 when I walked across the stage in my cap and gown and was handed my diploma. To say I was proud of myself is an understatement. After graduation, starting my college career brought new, exciting experiences, but the depression still followed me, as my condition is recurrent and results in multiple depressive episodes over time. Despite the ups and downs of my mental illness during my time in college, however, I managed to graduate a semester early with the honors of summa cum laude. I obtained a Bachelor of Arts in Human Services and had plans to go into a helping profession in the mental health field. Though I took a year off to work full-time before applying to graduate school, I soon was accepted and admitted into the Master of Social Work program at Winthrop University. Throughout my graduate studies so far, I have gained additional confidence that I am on the correct carer path in social work. I feel I was put on Earth to make a difference by sharing my difficult experiences with others in hopes of bringing a bit of brightness to their lives. At times when my depression creeps back in, I often have doubts about my ability to complete my degree, but my sister and mother have always been by my side to pick me back up and provide encouragement for me to keep pushing through. Living with Major Depressive Disorder can be a revealing experience, as it highlights the people in your life who genuinely care about your well-being and are willing to try to understand your struggles. Throughout the past 8 years, I have been told by family and friends that I was faking my mental illness to get attention from people, that I had a good life and no reason to be depressed, and that my struggles with depression could simply be absolved with the right amount of prayer. This consistent experience of stigma and misunderstanding led to me feeling more alone in my fight with Major Depressive Disorder and caused me to realize that not everyone in my life will be supportive during difficult circumstances. Slowly over time, however, I have moved forward past these misunderstandings and have come out stronger as result. The stigma that surrounds mental illness is something I am passionate about changing, especially in my future career as a social worker. I want to be a support for others who are drowning in the dark and simply need a kind, helping hand or a listening ear to make it through. I want to be able to share my story with others and help them realize that it is possible to live a fulfilling life, even while having a mental illness. It won't be easy or quick, but with the right supports it is feasible. I believe God has placed me on Earth to use my experiences to shine a light on mental illness and to be an additional aide in reducing the stigma that surrounds mental health. Though I have been through years of emotional pain, feeling unheard by friends, experiencing shifting relationships with loved ones, and struggling to find my purpose, I can say I am content with where my mental illness has brought me in my life thus far. Today, I am finally hopeful for my future and wholeheartedly believe I have the ability to create positive change for those living with mental illness. It has been quite a journey, but I now have the strength to realize that my story is far from over.

I flipped through the pages of my altered book, which I had transformed into a creative outlet for my emotions. A page blacked out except for a huddled child, pasted cut-out letters spelling the word “fat,” a wilted flower with torn petals. Suddenly, I was transported back to a time of insecurity and shame. A time of blindly stumbling after the voice inside my head in hopes of shedding a few pounds... When I was first diagnosed with major depressive disorder and anorexia nervosa, I immediately felt angry at the world, at everyone, at myself. Every time I sat down with yet another psychiatrist or therapist or nutritionist, hot fury gushed through my veins. The urge to push them away bubbled beneath my skin. I screamed, I yelled, I cried. It wasn’t fair. Why me? But before long, I had decided I was done. Never again would that voice inside my head control me. I took my frustration and channeled it into something new: motivation. With the help of my loved ones, I fought every whisper inside my head to diet, to hurt myself, to give up on life. Even when the voice screamed not to, I persisted and persevered. It was not a smooth path to recovery. I fell and stumbled and tripped along the way, but picked myself up every time. I was bruised and rattled, yet determined to overcome the next obstacle. Throughout my battle with mental health, I built strong relationships with those around me as I realized I was not alone in my struggle. My parents drove an hour each day to visit me at the hospital and remind me that they were there for me. My friends called me on a regular basis to cheer me up and update me on our middle school gossip. My teachers sacrificed time out of their busy schedules to ensure I was caught up on my work. As my relationships grew stronger, so did my appreciation and gratefulness for my support system. It has been six years since my diagnosis, and I am no longer the scared, insecure little girl I once was. I have fought hard to become who I am now. Someone who eats cake at parties. Who wears bikinis to the pool. Who takes photos with her friends. I have grown to be somebody who loves herself and puts herself out there. I realize that I can never get back the years I lost to my struggle against mental illness, but I can support those facing the same challenges as I once did. As my feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness began to subside, my determination to help those struggling with mental health issues only grew stronger. I shared my story on social media in hopes of ending stigma and raising awareness. I counseled anyone who reached out to show others that it can and will get better. If I could recover, then so could they. My battle has fueled my determination to further show support in my undergraduate experience. At Carnegie Mellon University, I want to continue to spread awareness and push for additional support. My passion for mental health has led me to become the Director of Risk Management and Wellness in my sorority. In my position, I plan to share different mental health resources and services on campus with my sisters, as well as offer assistance to those in need. This desire to help others has grown to influence my goals outside of my extracurriculars. After repeatedly being exposed to adversities and hardships, I started to despise the idea that throughout the world, people were dying from horrible, excruciating conditions. I dreamed of improving the lives of those grappling with diseases and disabilities, whether they be mental or physical. This has ultimately developed my aspiration to enter the biomedical engineering field, where I would be given the opportunity to advance medicine through life-changing innovations, such as a material that reduces the likelihood of aneurysm recurrence or prosthetic arms controlled by the mind. I want to be part of the reason that someone gets to live or is able to pursue their dreams. As time went on, I began to understand that the barriers I faced, although terrifying and unbearable at times, have forced me to grow and mature. Life cannot always be fair. It cannot always be easy. But the challenges that we overcome allow us to gain life skills, attain wisdom and insight, and develop our goals. Without them, life may go smoothly, but it would not be as meaningful as it is now. Today, I can proudly say that I am a survivor of anorexia and depression, and while my struggle with mental health does not define me, it has shaped me into who I am.

Last year, I had the opportunity to speak on bullying awareness at an elementary school assembly. For the first time, I publicly recounted my experiences with rejection and manipulation at school. I grew up as an immigrant who talked, dressed, ate, and believed differently than my peers. For years, I wanted nothing more than to feel accepted, but I was always disappointed. Throughout middle school, I struggled with minor depression but did not know this until years later because the adults around me did not have the tools or attention to recognize it. My teachers only reinforced discrimination in the classroom. While my parents did their best to help me, they knew that language and cultural barriers eliminated the few available and affordable counseling options. During my first year of high school, I suffered through several months of daily anxiety attacks. This instigated a personal research journey that led me to finally take my mental health seriously. I am still on this difficult, imperfect road to healing, but I am so thankful for how far I have already come. Today, I watch my 10-year-old younger brother (who struggles with minor learning disabilities) exhibit early signs of anxiety, and it pains me. It pains me to realize my experiences are not singular. So many children stand where I once did— where my brother does today— surviving with mental illnesses they cannot identify, deprived of access to culturally and situationally appropriate resources or professional care. I believe this can change. I do not have all the answers yet, but I believe in mental health support for children that extends beyond “school counselors” inaptly responsible for the academic and emotional wellness of hundreds of kids. As radical as it may sound, I believe in a world where mental health is valued as highly as physical health and where mental healthcare is subject to the same standards of excellence, vigilance, and accessibility as physical healthcare. I believe in safe emotional expression becoming a social norm. I believe in a world where language and cultural background are not obstacles to receiving effective care, where case-appropriate professional counseling is affordable and relevant mental health resources are accessible to everyone. Such a reality is possible, but only if we fight for it. That’s exactly what I intend to do. I fight for my brother swimming upstream in a school system incapable of accommodating his learning style. I fight for the generations to come, that the reality I described above might seem normal to them. I fight for those lost in this gruesome battle, so many incredible people I will never get to meet. I fight for those still surviving who find themselves weaponless in a war they do not comprehend. I intend to study psychology until I earn a doctorate degree and become a psychologist. This will allow me to have both an individual impact through affordable, specialized care to multicultural kids and a widespread lasting impact through research and advocacy within the field itself. I know how frustrating the lack of culturally sensitive resources is, and I want to be a part of filling the gap. A year ago, after sharing about bullying and mental health with a room full of elementary-aged kids, I realized that I made accessible to the next generation, tools that were inaccessible to me. That is powerful! That is what I want to spend the rest of my life doing. Thank you for supporting my aspirations and fighting with me!

I have always dreamed of being an educator－fantasizing about caring for other people and being the bridge to their learning. I have always been drawn to teaching, especially because of the impact my teachers have had on me. Quite recently I had one of the most meaningful encounters with the health system. After years of struggling with crippling depression and anxiety in silence, I had reached a breaking point that almost cost me my life. I was stuck in a cycle of thinking that I had to lead a singular experience through life, but this could not be any further from the truth. Thankfully, a three-day trip to the hospital and a village of people beside me has made me realize that we can enter this world alone, but we do not have to live through it unassisted. Being given the support to enjoy a new opportunity to attempt a better life, I have discovered many things about my character. I have discovered that I am strong, I have discovered that I am brave but, most importantly, I have discovered that I am more than the sum of my parts. Working together as a group doesn’t mean the individual is weak, it just means that together we are stronger. This trial has pushed me past what I thought I could handle; I now know the true meaning of perseverance. I have learned that there are dark days raging with cataclysmic storms that make even the strongest houses dissipate into rubble. However, there are also days filled with marvelous gold paved roads that end with rainbows and sunshine. Somewhere in between those two days is where the living occurs. This is where we climb the steep hills of life and slide down on the other side. It is within those moments that I have been given a second opportunity to do more than simply seize the day, but wholeheartedly continue to pave my path. It has been difficult to stand back up after being buried under six feet of dirt, but it has been worth every single struggle. Now more than ever I am empowered to follow my ambitions of becoming an educator and joining the support network of all of my students. I actively advocate for mental health days, teach them about mental health hygiene, and lead them by example. It is more than okay to have bad days as long as they know that they have someone that can help them out when they are ready to make a change. In my daily life, I am transparent about my struggles and also the slow joy that comes from learning to cope. I have been broken and remolded to be the person I am today. Helen Keller once said “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.” This thought has been manifested in my life, and now I can use it as an example of triumph that I can do more than move mountains.