Alexander Hipple Recovery Scholarship

For several years, I was trapped in a destructive cycle of substance abuse and alcoholism. Before addiction took over my life, I was a dedicated student who was fully engaged in academics and extracurricular activities, to the extent that I even become a full-time college student during my junior year of high school. I had clear ambitions, strong relationships, and a promising path ahead. I had no idea that my future was about to take a drastic turn, and not in the direction I had hoped. Grappling with mounting pressure, childhood trauma, and emotional turmoil, I turned to drugs and alcohol to dull the pain. Years into my substance dependency, I found myself trapped in a physically abusive relationship. Despite the fact that my ex-partner was arrested multiple times on domestic violence charges, I stayed in the relationship, convinced that my own issues with substances made me deserving of violence. This was when a bleak realization came to me; I was trapped not only by the abusive relationship but also by my addiction. Deeply ashamed of who I had become, I shut out everyone who wanted to help me. I couldn’t stand the thought of letting my friends and family see how dire my situation had become. Suffocating in guilt and trauma, my self-isolation only fueled my dependency further. When I finally escaped that relationship, the emotional scars ran deep, and my reliance on alcohol and drugs became completely unmanageable. I lost everything—my job, car, apartment, friends, and family—and when I hit rock bottom, I attempted to take my own life. That was my turning point. In the days following my suicide attempt, my parents came to the hospital and offered me the help I had desperately needed but had been too embarrassed to ask for. They enrolled me in a 90-day treatment program, where I received the critical support and care that allowed me to build a solid foundation for my recovery. Although the beginning was not easy, those three months changed my life for the better. I learned how to cope with my trauma, face my addiction, and began the long process of healing. Over time, I’ve been fortunate enough to make amends with my loved ones while rebuilding a network of support. I’m slowly reclaiming the future I once believed was lost. I’ve attempted to return to university several times, but financial challenges have hindered my education. Despite these setbacks, I am more determined than ever to pursue personal growth. Today, when I’m met with adversity, I know I have numerous tools and resources available to help me manage my life without needing to run from it. While my journey may not have been a linear path forward, I remain grateful for every step taken as I’ve been able to learn the importance of resilience and self-compassion along the way. I am no longer just surviving—I am building a life filled with hope and healing. My past experiences continue to inspire me to help others who are struggling, whether that looks like advocating for systemic change, volunteering in community programs, or simply lending a listening ear to someone who needs a friend. I would like to express my gratitude for the opportunity to write an essay for the Alexander Hipple Recovery Scholarship. With the support of this scholarship, I would be able to continue my educational pursuits while nurturing my recovery—not only for myself, but as an example to others fighting their own battles.

I believe that you should live every day to the fullest and take advantage of everything that is put in front of you. If you do not, at the end of your life, you will not be satisfied. And that day may come sooner than you think. It is important that you never let an opportunity go to waste. The earliest memory I have of my relationship with drugs was in 6th grade when I smoked marijuana for the first time. Later that year, I got into my parents’ medicine cabinet and used their codeine. They caught me, and I got in trouble. I wish I had stopped there, but I did not. I picked up again in 8th grade, taking whatever pills I could find. Before I realized it, I was taking them every day, nodding out in the assistant principal's office. This pattern of behavior landed me in a psych unit at 13. Once I got out, nothing changed. I didn’t want to get clean. I was put on medication, the first of many. I ended up in rehab a month later. After 52 days, I was discharged and sent home. I learned that you could not rehabilitate someone who does not want to be rehabilitated. Freshman year was a blur. I went to the hospital again but never tried to get better. That was until the end of freshman year. For the first time in a while, things started to get better. I reconnected with old friends, started using fewer pills, and smoked more. This was until summer of ‘22. I went to a party, made some bad choices, and those friends stopped talking to me. At this point, I had no one. Over three days, I took an entire box of cough medicine. After this binge, I believed I was in hell. One day, after an argument with my parents, I made the decision to end it. I took around 350 Benadryl tablets. As I waited, something told me to tell my parents. I can still see their faces after I told them. We started driving to the hospital. I remember losing consciousness, my parents shaking me awake. The last thing I remember thinking was, “This is it. This is how I die.” I slowly woke up over the course of several days. I could not walk or use the bathroom. My parents told me I had stopped breathing and was given CPR. I was reborn that day. Once aware, they sent me to a psych ward one last time. I remember thinking, "I can't do this anymore." When I got out, I started working to better myself. I slipped up once with weed, but as of today, I am 484 days sober and couldn’t be happier. Currently, I work as a CNA and want to become a nurse in a psych unit because it’s a job I will love no matter how bad it gets. I am grateful for warm days, the smell of spring flowers, the bees, and the birds that wake me up. But I am also grateful for cloudy days, the cold, the days I fail tests, and the days I lose my AirPods because experiencing these things is an amazing gift. I am insanely lucky to still be here. Living every day as if it were my last is not hard to understand. I believe making every day the best it can be and being grateful for everything, good or bad, is the only way to live. This I believe.

Today, as a recovering addict, I am much more grateful for everything I have. Before I decided to seek help for my addiction, I was very cynical, and I hated the world. I never tried even once to have a different outlook on my situation. The day I decided to reach out for help was a sort of spiritual awakening for me. I can remember the drastic change in perspective I had when I decided to get sober. To be sober, you have to try; you must have a drastic shift in perspective. Many people struggle to break through the comfort of their everyday life, especially recovering addicts or alcoholics. I was very used to my lifestyle of living with practically no emotion; the drugs prevented me from feeling what I was afraid to feel. During my first two weeks sober, I didn’t notice the change; all my emotions were coming back so fast that I didn’t have time to see the results of my hard work. Because the drugs prevented your emotions from being as intense, often addicts in their early stages of recovery can have an extremely hard time dealing with emotions; this applied to me as well. On my thirtieth day of sobriety, I had another spiritual awakening. I realized how much happier I was. I stopped labeling emotions as “bad” or “good.” Recovery is a journey with ups and downs, mistakes, and challenges. I’ve had my ups and downs, and I’m sure I will in the future; however, I love a challenge. My daily life now consists of gratitude and virtuous deeds, helping other recovering addicts, caring for my parents, and being the best person I can be. I gained a lot of my morals from practicing Buddhism. Buddhism focuses on mental health, enlightenment, and helping others, all things I believe in. Attending Temple is something I do weekly; it nourishes my mind and heals my soul. Through this practice, I have developed a loving relationship with my parents, friends, and strangers. Looking forward to seeing my parents is something I thought I would never say, yet I say it every day when I visit them. Today, I am grateful for my journey and those who have supported me. Support has come from people who I haven’t even met, and that's amazing to me. I thought I was not redeemable for the mistakes I made in the past, but clearly, this is not the case. My journey has fully restored my faith in humanity. Each and every human is inherently good. It is the condition and environment that warps and skews this goodness. I hope to help others as much as I can in my lifetime. If I can bring people happiness, maybe the world will become more peaceful. I’ve helped several recovering addicts in the rehab program I attend named The Insight Program. The program provides meetings every night, which helps our recovery community to flourish. Plenty of people have days where they struggle, including me. After each meeting, I talk with other addicts who are struggling, and I provide them with knowledge on how to overcome their current obstacles. At UNNC, my goal is to provide mental health support to anyone and everyone through the skills I've learned in recovery and my Buddhist practice. Everyone deserves a second chance in life, and sometimes, people unfortunately don’t have that grace. Many recovering addicts never get a second chance. However, they continue to turn their lives around despite the world being against them. Our sorrows and wounds heal only when we touch them with compassion.

Fixing things has always been my passion. It helps me better understand how things connect. From the time I was 4 years old, I loved taking things apart to see how they worked, and then put them back together. This was not always praised by my family. I once aimed my five-year-old curiosity at my mom’s child-hood musical clown. It did not go back together and has not worked since. My parents were none too happy with me on that occasion but have since come to appreciate my desire to understand how things work. My career goal is to own a successful diesel mechanic business. To turn this dream into a reality, I plan to major in diesel and auto mechanics. After obtaining my degree, I hope to work for a business that will allow me to expand on the skills I learn in school as well as provide new learning opportunities. Once my skill level is broad enough, I plan to open my own shop. Owning a business will enable me to provide a needed service to farmers, truck drivers, and other diesel vehicles in our area. Additionally, it will allow me to contribute to the local economy by providing jobs to others. Stating this goal is easy enough, but actually doing it, is another story. I have been addicted to cannabis for most of my high school career. This has resulted in strained relationships with my family and my peers. Additionally, I was suspended from school three times for having cannabis at school or on school property (bus). These suspensions have led to me having spent 150 school days at home. I have severe ADHD and although I have tried numerous prescribed medications, they simply leave me feeling spacy and even sick. Cannabis has always evened me out. It makes me feel like I can be more social, more gregarious, more me! However, the tensions and suspensions that have resulted from the cannabis use are proving to be a bigger challenge. I know that to work in an industry with heavy equipment I will need to be clean. I have been accepted into a Diesel Mechanic Program and I am excited to get steps closer to my dream. However, I continue to struggle to drop this addiction. I am committed to making my dream happen no matter what. I have participated in several counseling groups directed at my addiction. Being part of a group of kids that have the same problem I have is very impactful. Listening to how others resist temptations has helped me learn some of the same skills. It is a daily struggle, but I will overcome addiction to pursue my dreams of being a diesel mechanic.